New Here, hello.

[whistu]

Hello,

Just joined this forum, figured it might prove helpful. Introduce myself, and albeit this will be a long winded introduction, so I apologize in advance.\

For those wishing to skp this to the end for my questions-please feel free I would not blame you!

About my issues

I have struggled with anxiety and depression for quite some time. I believe for a long time I didn't understand anxiety, and never really considered myself to be a depressed person. I never considered myself a happy person either, more just..."this is my life", which is ironic as I have friends that suffered from depression/anxiety and understood it was actually a chemical issue, essentially a "sickness" if you will but never gave much thought to the fact that I just have never been that happy for any extended period of time.

It has gotten worse over time of course, and finally I am accepting that I have a problem. At first I just thought my problem was anxiety, but I have come to realize I also am depressed. I have never truly enjoyed much in life for a long time. I would get interested in certain things, but that interest would quickly dissipate. Looking back, I can see patterns and see that the fact is I don't know that I have ever experienced long term happiness but rather spurts of it here and there that never seem to last.

I do not know where it all stems from, or if the cause is life experiences, or an obvious combination of the two. I have been in 2 marriages that ended, the first when my (then) wife left me for another man after being together 11+ years out of the blue (baggage I carry with me I'm sure) and my second marriage failing when I finally accepted that she was just not capable of truly loving me, or at least not able to show it due to her own complications of things that happened to her as a child (that should never happen to any child or adult for that matter). I spent 7 years in this relationship and I know for a fact that I carry a lot of baggage due to this as well. It was this relationship that my anxiety really started to take a turn and affect my life.

I got into my current relationship about 9 months ago. Things started out amazing, and my life seemed very care free, I was very energized. My anxiety/depression was not completely gone, as there are always things to worry about in a new relationship-insecurities, but generally life was good. However, as things progressed I have seen a relapse of it all, and have been struggling to not let the baggage from my former 18 years of bad relationship issues manifest in my current ones.

As I value the relationship I am in dearly, I have decided to take as many steps to solve/deal with my depression/anxiety as I can. I am currently taking Buspar (actually it's generic form) and have been on it for 3 weeks. I have seen a slight drop in anxiety from small things, but no effect on things that cause me tremendous anxiety and obsessively think about, but of course I doubted it would have a real effect on such things. I have tried supplementing with magnesium, now added zink.

Unfortunately whatever issues I have has crept into our sex life and now am struggling with performance anxiety. This has certainly caused tension in our relationship, and it has been something that I can not stop thinking about almost non-stop, in fact I can honestly say that it is because of this that my depression has taken a serious turn for the worst.
I only mention this because it is pertinent to my decision on my "next step"

Question

I have made an appointment with a therapist, and after talking to my best friend yesterday who really thinks I need to augment the therapy with medication as I seem to be spiraling downward. I am faced with a world of options, (med choices) most of which seem to come with their own skeletons. Most have sexual side effects which is ironic to me considering that I am already having performance anxiety and is seriously affecting my life/relationship. I know wellbutrin is not supposed to, however I have taken wellbutrin (generic form) 3 times in my past to quit smoking. The first two times, it worked and I had no adverse side effects, however the 3rd time I took it (most recent) my anxiety went through the roof to the point where I experienced my first panic attack ever, and was actually smoking way more not less due to the anxiety level being so high. I do not know why it had this affect on me then but not in the past.

So after all that, I need to decide which AD to try. I am vacillating between Wellbutrin and Lexepro. Obviously with wellbutrin I am concerned my anxiety will go crazy again, and with lexepro I am worried that my performance anxiety issues will only get worse (however I do also feel my depression has lowered my labido, causing my performance anxiety, and perhaps easing my anxiety/depression would actually have a positive effect on labido. I can deal with it taking a little longer to reach orgasm (assuming I can actually reach it), but ED would be a deal killer as well as lowing labido to the point where sex just insn't something I had interest in. Ugh! such a hard thing to deal with as I'm sure you guys and galls know all to well. Thanks for the ear, and I am hoping this forum will be a good place to help even just a little with my depression/anxiety.

[Im-Suffering]

Hello,

Just joined this forum, figured it might prove helpful. Introduce myself, and albeit this will be a long winded introduction, so I apologize in advance.\

For those wishing to skp this to the end for my questions-please feel free I would not blame you!

About my issues

I have struggled with anxiety and depression for quite some time. I believe for a long time I didn't understand anxiety, and never really considered myself to be a depressed person. I never considered myself a happy person either, more just..."this is my life", which is ironic as I have friends that suffered from depression/anxiety and understood it was actually a chemical issue, essentially a "sickness" if you will but never gave much thought to the fact that I just have never been that happy for any extended period of time.

It has gotten worse over time of course, and finally I am accepting that I have a problem. At first I just thought my problem was anxiety, but I have come to realize I also am depressed. I have never truly enjoyed much in life for a long time. I would get interested in certain things, but that interest would quickly dissipate. Looking back, I can see patterns and see that the fact is I don't know that I have ever experienced long term happiness but rather spurts of it here and there that never seem to last.

I do not know where it all stems from, or if the cause is life experiences, or an obvious combination of the two. I have been in 2 marriages that ended, the first when my (then) wife left me for another man after being together 11+ years out of the blue (baggage I carry with me I'm sure) and my second marriage failing when I finally accepted that she was just not capable of truly loving me, or at least not able to show it due to her own complications of things that happened to her as a child (that should never happen to any child or adult for that matter). I spent 7 years in this relationship and I know for a fact that I carry a lot of baggage due to this as well. It was this relationship that my anxiety really started to take a turn and affect my life.

I got into my current relationship about 9 months ago. Things started out amazing, and my life seemed very care free, I was very energized. My anxiety/depression was not completely gone, as there are always things to worry about in a new relationship-insecurities, but generally life was good. However, as things progressed I have seen a relapse of it all, and have been struggling to not let the baggage from my former 18 years of bad relationship issues manifest in my current ones.

As I value the relationship I am in dearly, I have decided to take as many steps to solve/deal with my depression/anxiety as I can. I am currently taking Buspar (actually it's generic form) and have been on it for 3 weeks. I have seen a slight drop in anxiety from small things, but no effect on things that cause me tremendous anxiety and obsessively think about, but of course I doubted it would have a real effect on such things. I have tried supplementing with magnesium, now added zink.

Unfortunately whatever issues I have has crept into our sex life and now am struggling with performance anxiety. This has certainly caused tension in our relationship, and it has been something that I can not stop thinking about almost non-stop, in fact I can honestly say that it is because of this that my depression has taken a serious turn for the worst.
I only mention this because it is pertinent to my decision on my "next step"

Question

I have made an appointment with a therapist, and after talking to my best friend yesterday who really thinks I need to augment the therapy with medication as I seem to be spiraling downward. I am faced with a world of options, (med choices) most of which seem to come with their own skeletons. Most have sexual side effects which is ironic to me considering that I am already having performance anxiety and is seriously affecting my life/relationship. I know wellbutrin is not supposed to, however I have taken wellbutrin (generic form) 3 times in my past to quit smoking. The first two times, it worked and I had no adverse side effects, however the 3rd time I took it (most recent) my anxiety went through the roof to the point where I experienced my first panic attack ever, and was actually smoking way more not less due to the anxiety level being so high. I do not know why it had this affect on me then but not in the past.

So after all that, I need to decide which AD to try. I am vacillating between Wellbutrin and Lexepro. Obviously with wellbutrin I am concerned my anxiety will go crazy again, and with lexepro I am worried that my performance anxiety issues will only get worse (however I do also feel my depression has lowered my labido, causing my performance anxiety, and perhaps easing my anxiety/depression would actually have a positive effect on labido. I can deal with it taking a little longer to reach orgasm (assuming I can actually reach it), but ED would be a deal killer as well as lowing labido to the point where sex just insn't something I had interest in. Ugh! such a hard thing to deal with as I'm sure you guys and galls know all to well. Thanks for the ear, and I am hoping this forum will be a good place to help even just a little with my depression/anxiety.

Just for you today, as our souls meet here, our advice: let us begin- (take this very seriously)

Every. Single. Person. You. Ever. Meet. Mirrors. Your. Beliefs. Your contemporaries are nothing but a mirror to provide direct personal feedback to how you are doing. A measurement by spirit on how clear the vehicle perceives his life, and what errors he is making by faulty thoughts, period. Paranoid feelings of loss (belief about self) manifest as a physical disfunction, resulting in direct feedback reinforcing the held belief. Since the belief is a lie, it does not feel good, thus the anxiety. Should you pay attention to feelings, you would use them to guage the compass, and resteer on course. Your feelings are true, whereas your inner dialogue is a lie. Feeling badly then, you would look to the dialogue for the lie-belief, and change that.

No exceptions.

Thus you can say, " the world is a mirror, of how i currently feel, i am to be shown feedback as I interact day to day, knowing this I take full responsibility for it all." "I shall blame no one, only my own faulty belief system that faithfully reproduces thought and expectations into their physical equivalent. This is how I create my reality"

No wonder than, one relationship after the next has the same recurring theme, you should expect this given the current beliefs. That you never looked at.

If your life is going south, then inward ye should go, to the root. And learn to change expectations. Find a surface belief "I am not good enough", which causes the sexual dysfunction and the cheating, change the thoughts about that belief, and it will have an effect across the board upon all similar attached subconscious beliefs, to align with the new ego.

Forget chasing sex, or wily nilly your tail, you tell your wife "ive got these mental conditions from childhood, I feel rather badly about myself and it effects us, I do apologize, allow me some time and ill work it out, and we can move on"

Odds are since she fell for the old you, the new you may not wish to take her along anyhow.

Regardless, the work is on the inside, in truth there is no outside, but camouflage and illusions and mirrors, so better get to work on the self should you want improvement. Watch the pictures you paint with your imagination, watch your expectations, examine your beliefs about yourself and the world, watch your footing !

That is enough, except, drugs will not cure you, for if internal work is not done, you could dope yourself senseless and still have the repeat traumas, 5 years from now wondering what will be of your 7th wife who is just as disatisfied and threatening to leave..

Period, end of post. Should you wonder who I am, click on some of my other posts.

[JohnC]

Hi Wistu, Welcome to the forum. I was on Paxil for twelve years and it does have some sexual side effects but i was able to work with it and even tried viagra ( nice ) but i really did not need it. Trust me you can manage it if your significant other is understanding and once you stop thinking about it so much it's not much to worry about. Three kids later and i have not been on paxil for two years and sex stopped anyway, LOL. :) Tough call on meds no meds but sometimes it helps get you through a rough patch. Good luck.

[Just Plain Tired]

OMG!.......that was wonderfully said about "how the world is a mirror of how we currently feel". Thank you!