Break up

[jjh333]

Anyone who's seen me on here a decent amount has seen my problems in my relationship

We decided to call it quits today. It hasn't hit me at all yet. Any advice?

[Xerosnake90]

Well I haven't seen you around so I don't know the situation. What kind of advice are you hoping for? How do you feel the break up is effecting you?

[JohnC]

Hi jjh333, It was probably a good thing. It will be tough at first but you will "rebuild" yourself and most importantly you must LEARN from your experiences. Good luck to you and i know breakups are tough so if you need some support were here. Peace

[Dahila]

Jjh33 I have the feeling that it matured enough to be ended. I think is not going to as hard as you think. You have a very rich intellectual and full of wisdom life. You are going to be fine, somewhere on your way you will meet the One:)

[grcboy77]

I have been exactly where you are!
Take my advice, the reason it hadn't hit you yet is because deep inside your brain knows it was the right thing to do.
You might be hit with intense separation anxiety a few days or weeks later. This is normal.
The best thing you ca do is to talk about it and stay busy as possible with friends. Don't not call, block FB, eliminate all memories. This seems hard, and it is, but when you do it you'll see your confidence skyrocket in a matter of weeks. Trust me I've gone through this once or twice. I'm 37, I have the experience in this field :)

[Two One]

I don't know the history of your relationship problems, but I was in this position not too long ago. I broke up with my girlfriend of two years back in late May. It didn't affect nearly as much as I thought it would. Honestly my mentality of the situation was I just have to get over this because if not it will only make my anxiety and the stress worse. So I powered through it. You'll be fine.

[jjh333]

I think we are both insecure people and need to learn to be happy alone before we can be happy with anyone else.

When I first went on anxiety meds was during a break up a few years ago so I was always nervous that this break up would send me over the edge ( if we did break up). Now I'm just scared for the bad separation anxiety. Any tools or tips for that?

[grcboy77]

Yes, when I broke up with my gf at 20 we had been dating for 3 years. She was my first serious gf. We were inseperable. It was difficult and I got panic attacks and was uneasy all the time. I learned that by forcing myself (at first) to go out with friends and keep busy I was able to move on and learn more about myself as well. Do not date for at least 6 months. You will get to a point where it gets easier and easier. Trust me. I know it's hard to do that. But just take a chance and try this. You will feel so much better, I promise you.

[jjh333]

I'm definitely trying. I think it might be good just to have a lot of time for myself but I'm having anxiety about being panicky which is never good. My roommate just left for the week so now I'm having even more anxiety. I still haven't spoken to him at all either.

[jjh333]

I am so depressed today I don't even know what to do with myself.

[grcboy77]

Do something. Go out with friends. You know the saying: Idle hands are the devil's toy? Well in this case it is anxiety' toy. Sitting around will make you depressed and anxious. Keep busy. So busy you can't think. It sounds unappealing at first but it WorkS. I know you might not trust a stranger here, but as God as my witness it works. Try it now. Stay away from places and things you did together.

I've been through what you have a lot. It gets easier I promise you sincerely.

[ss_worrier]

Do something. Go out with friends. You know the saying: Idle hands are the devil's toy? Well in this case it is anxiety' toy. Sitting around will make you depressed and anxious. Keep busy. So busy you can't think. It sounds unappealing at first but it WorkS. I know you might not trust a stranger here, but as God as my witness it works. Try it now. Stay away from places and things you did together.

I've been through what you have a lot. It gets easier I promise you sincerely.

I agree with what everyone else posted. My anxiety first started a few years back out of a fear that my girlfriend at the time would break up with me. In the end, I ended it after 2 years together. I also expected the anxiety to hit badly but it never really did.

For situations where I don't know how to get a grip on my anxiety, there is one thing that works 90% of the time: exercising hard. Getting really sweaty to a point where you're absolutely exhausted. Things always turn more clearly for me after that.

[JohnC]

Yep, try to stay busy and keep the mind occupied with other things. A good sweat usually will do it.

[jjh333]

It's just spikes so much discomfort I haven't been able to really eat or sleep since Thursday. It's so awful.

[Im-Suffering]

It's just spikes so much discomfort I haven't been able to really eat or sleep since Thursday. It's so awful.


An illness (physical or emotional) is always a failure to solve a mental or psychological problem in the correct manner . . . The energy that would be used to solve the problem instead is spent maintaining the illness. It is therefore necessary that an attempt be made as soon as possible to solve the problem, which of course must first be discovered by the ego, which has avoided it.

Your issues are a repeat, and self generated. You create your reality. So unless you want a continued pattern of unfulfilled relationships throughout life, turn away from your outward grief which is camouflage, and focus in on the core personality problem.

Take it or leave it, free will.

[Kixxi]

It's just spikes so much discomfort I haven't been able to really eat or sleep since Thursday. It's so awful.

Hi jjh333,

I always have similar problems when I'm under emotional stress, but to be fair they do disappear after some time. I do know it's quite horrible when you cannot eat or sleep. All the advice I can give you is focus on you, do something you enjoy (can be something small like a relaxing bath or watch something fun on TV). Small steps...

[Im-Suffering]

Hi jjh333,

I always have similar problems when I'm under emotional stress, but to be fair they do disappear after some time. I do know it's quite horrible when you cannot eat or sleep. All the advice I can give you is focus on you, do something you enjoy (can be something small like a relaxing bath or watch something fun on TV). Small steps...

As said in the post above yours, this individual does not need to practice avoidance over time ("time heals" is a belief). As most of you have suggested. This goes for you as well. Learn to face and solve psychological problems immediately and effectively prior to a physical manifestation. If you cannot pinpoint the cause of the malady, it is because you are hiding from it, period.

Feel angry if you will, but I have just given you your first key to resolving anxiety, or unrest, in your body.

I have to repeat this ad nauseum because most of you are so entranced by the physical illusion (your life), you overlook anything else. This avoidance to mental causation (unresolved psychological problems) is the main reason for reoccurrence of your symptoms.

You want to help people kixxi, then believe what I have just told you, think about it.

[Kixxi]

I agree that you have to face some things head on, but that does not mean that you cannot spoil and take care of yourself when you need to. That is just my opinion ;) Feeling bad after a breakup is quite normal. So spoiling yourself a bit is not that bad is it? In case of a break up you cannot run from it anyway, but you can look after yourself and focus on what makes you "you".

[Im-Suffering]

I agree that you have to face some things head on, but that does not mean that you cannot spoil and take care of yourself when you need to. That is just my opinion ;) Feeling bad after a breakup is quite normal. So spoiling yourself a bit is not that bad is it? In case of a break up you cannot run from it anyway, but you can look after yourself and focus on what makes you "you".

Lets refer to anxiety which is why we are here. When someone is "cured" of anxiety it is not because of the drama-rituals, do you understand? The childrens games, cbt or a rain dance, and the like. It is because that individual has placed all energies into a solution (mental) rather than the physical conditions.

Through suffering, the person learns not to suffer, so suffering has its purpose. The suffering has psychological equivalents that the individual cannot either find (hiding from) or will not face (powerless), often in the midst of overwhelming physical sensations, which are meant to lead you to a solution, period. Biologically the body responds to psychological problems as feedback to how you are doing. The body is your most intimate friend and always will refer you back to what needs to be done to regain optimim equilibrium, so the spirit can live in it, joyfully.

I am helping you, because you earnestly seek a way out both for yourself and to help others, and I know that, so listen to me. You do not have to respond.

[Kixxi]

Lets refer to anxiety which is why we are here. When someone is "cured" of anxiety it is not because of the drama-rituals, do you understand? The childrens games, cbt or a rain dance, and the like. It is because that individual has placed all energies into a solution (mental) rather than the physical conditions.

Through suffering, the person learns not to suffer, so suffering has its purpose. The suffering has psychological equivalents that the individual cannot either find (hiding from) or will not face (powerless), often in the midst of overwhelming physical sensations, which are meant to lead you to a solution, period. Biologically the body responds to psychological problems as feedback to how you are doing. The body is your most intimate friend and always will refer you back to what needs to be done to regain optimim equilibrium, so the spirit can live in it, joyfully.

I am helping you, because you earnestly seek a way out, and I know that, so listen to me. You do not have to respond.

And that is fine, but I do not think that anxiety should stop you from enjoying life and enjoying the little things. That was what I was saying. I do agree with what you said earlier, that sometimes it is easier to hide when your afraid and that you shouldn't do this, but that wasn't the point I was making at all. Besides, a break up is hard and there is no quick solution.

(But back to the person that posted this) Think of it this way. This experience will make you even stronger. You have nothing to blame yourself for. And yes, you will feel a bit off for a while because you are out of your routine sort of speak. But think about all the things this can do for you. Think about the things you now can do. It's endless :D

[jjh333]

I'm looking forward to finding someone who hopefully treats me a lot better. Deep down I know it's probably for the best, but when I do get overwhelmed you get that feeling of like "I can't live without that person" and "I need them so badly"

[Kuma]

An illness (physical or emotional) is always a failure to solve a mental or psychological problem in the correct manner . . . .


Im-Suffering: With all due respect, this point is absurd. What evidence do you have to substantiate the proposition that a physical illness is always a failure to solve a mental or psychological problem?

[Anne1221]

jjh, well, if you look like your picture, you shouldn't have any problems at all with finding someone who will treat you good. You can find them. But first, you really need to start seeing a counselor to help you get over these feelings of not being able to live without someone. A good counselor/therapist will help you gain confidence in yourself and help you get to the root of why you feel you need that person so badly. Guys who don't treat girls right prey on those who are insecure and they make them feel they will not be able to survive without them . Then they can treat them any way they want, and the female is afraid to leave. Get some help with therapy/counseling and you will feel more confident the rest of your life and be able to find a man that treats you with the respect you so deserve.

[Single_Dad]

Another important issue is learning to love yourself. It is said that until one does so one cannot truly love another. Many people jump between relationships so quickly they miss this lesson.

[Wychhh]

Hey I'm currently going through the same thing it's hard but you'll get there. I agree with what Single_Dad said ^^^. Give it some time, keep busy and enjoy doing the things you love doing. Before you know it you'll be feeling much better. Stay positive!

[Single_Dad]

Absolutely; a positive mindset is always paramount. Thought creates all things. In fact, in wilderness survival the first step before even finding water and making a fire is having a positive attitude: I am going to make it through this; I am going to survive; etc.

[Dahila]

Do not look for love, find it inside you and then you meet the right one:))

[ss_worrier]

I'm looking forward to finding someone who hopefully treats me a lot better. Deep down I know it's probably for the best, but when I do get overwhelmed you get that feeling of like "I can't live without that person" and "I need them so badly"

Take it from someone who's been through the exact same thing: You. Will. Those feelings you describe will come, but more importantly, they will go. They might keep popping up for some time, my advice would be to just treat them as old but annoying friends: "oh, it's you again, that's interesting but I know you're completely irrelevant to me." And one day, they will stop coming. I can almost promise you that.

[Im-Suffering]

I'm looking forward to finding someone who hopefully treats me a lot better. Deep down I know it's probably for the best, but when I do get overwhelmed you get that feeling of like "I can't live without that person" and "I need them so badly"

You will be treated as you expect. What have you learned about yourself and your hand in the previous relationship. If you havent looked at yourself you have learned nothing. Look at what is in you that allows yourself to be mistreated. Or you will repeat.

When the self worth/esteem issues are worked out, if they are worked out, you will no longer need/miss the mistreatment, for people like that wont be drawn to you. And you to them.

I believe this is simple enough for you to understand. You have work to do that involves more than the camouflage a message board, friends or family give you. (a comfy blanket to cover your troubles, not fix them, cover them, temporarily).

The work is self work, no distractions.

[NixonRulz]

You will be treated as you expect. What have you learned about yourself and your hand in the previous relationship. If you havent looked at yourself you have learned nothing. Look at what is in you that allows yourself to be mistreated. Or you will repeat.

When the self worth/esteem issues are worked out, if they are worked out, you will no longer need/miss the mistreatment, for people like that wont be drawn to you. And you to them.

I believe this is simple enough for you to understand. You have work to do that involves more than the camouflage a message board, friends or family give you. (a comfy blanket to cover your troubles, not fix them, cover them, temporarily).

The work is self work, no distractions.

I haven't drank enough coffee to wrap my head around this. Frankly, there may not be enough coffee for anyone to comprehend what you are writing

Couple of observations with your posts on this thread -

You seem to have just read a book that you are excited about and directly quoting from it

You recently received your undergrad in psychology and everything is fresh in your head from your final exams

People are welcome to post advice here they deem valuable and I don't take issue with anything that is written most times

However, you seem to be forgetting the emotional side.

In this case, Jillian has just broken up with the boy and it's hard

She doesn't need to start today dealing with the Id and Ego and self love and self respect.

Honestly, I think Freud and the alike needed to get laid a bit more often before judging everyone

She just had a breakup. She has earned the right to cry, get pissed off, drink lots of Cupcake wine and post her story on a message board

It's an outflow of emotion. That outflow prevents buildup of emotions that lessens the chance of anxiety and depression symptoms

And posting here allows her friends that understand what she has gone though to support and show her the Forum love we have all come to have for her

And that support goes to your very point. It will help her confidence of getting through this and will ultimately boost her self esteem to where she will believe she can land a guy as incredible as me.

So to Jillian. The girl who told me she would kiss me under the St Louis arch the first time we spoke here ; )

Tonight, have a cry, punch a hole in the wall, drink way too much then prank call the boy and laugh

Tomorrow, do the same if you need to

My advice to you to get through this, do whatever that makes you feel better. It's temporary, yet feels like it will be timeless

The day will come soon when you look in the mirror and say, "dang. Who the hell wouldn't walk though fire to get with this?"

You are pretty, sweet, outgoing and have a good job. As long as you are not a democrat, you are the perfect girl

And I need to check back on the group more often on Facebook. Sorry I missed you there

You be well, Jillian!

[NixonRulz]

You will be treated as you expect. What have you learned about yourself and your hand in the previous relationship. If you havent looked at yourself you have learned nothing. Look at what is in you that allows yourself to be mistreated. Or you will repeat.

When the self worth/esteem issues are worked out, if they are worked out, you will no longer need/miss the mistreatment, for people like that wont be drawn to you. And you to them.

I believe this is simple enough for you to understand. You have work to do that involves more than the camouflage a message board, friends or family give you. (a comfy blanket to cover your troubles, not fix them, cover them, temporarily).

The work is self work, no distractions.

I haven't drank enough coffee to wrap my head around this. Frankly, there may not be enough coffee for anyone to comprehend what you are writing

Couple of observations with your posts on this thread -

You seem to have just read a book that you are excited about and directly quoting from it

You recently received your undergrad in psychology and everything is fresh in your head from your final exams

People are welcome to post advice here they deem valuable and I don't take issue with anything that is written most times

However, you seem to be forgetting the emotional side.

In this case, Jillian has just broken up with the boy and it's hard

She doesn't need to start today dealing with the Id and Ego and self love and self respect.

Honestly, I think Freud and the alike needed to get laid a bit more often before judging everyone

She just had a breakup. She has earned the right to cry, get pissed off, drink lots of Cupcake wine and post her story on a message board

It's an outflow of emotion. That outflow prevents buildup of emotions that lessens the chance of anxiety and depression symptoms

And posting here allows her friends that understand what she has gone though to support and show her the Forum love we have all come to have for her

And that support goes to your very point. It will help her confidence of getting through this and will ultimately boost her self esteem to where she will believe she can land a guy as incredible as me.

So to Jillian. The girl who told me she would kiss me under the St Louis arch the first time we spoke here ; )

Tonight, have a cry, punch a hole in the wall, drink way too much then prank call the boy and laugh

Tomorrow, do the same if you need to

My advice to you to get through this, do whatever that makes you feel better. It's temporary, yet feels like it will be timeless

The day will come soon when you look in the mirror and say, "dang. Who the hell wouldn't walk though fire to get with this?"

You are pretty, sweet, outgoing and have a good job. As long as you are not a democrat, you are the perfect girl

And I need to check back on the group more often on Facebook. Sorry I missed you there

You be well, Jillian!

[Kixxi]

I haven't drank enough coffee to wrap my head around this. Frankly, there may not be enough coffee for anyone to comprehend what you are writing

Couple of observations with your posts on this thread -

You seem to have just read a book that you are excited about and directly quoting from it

You recently received your undergrad in psychology and everything is fresh in your head from your final exams

People are welcome to post advice here they deem valuable and I don't take issue with anything that is written most times

However, you seem to be forgetting the emotional side.

In this case, Jillian has just broken up with the boy and it's hard

She doesn't need to start today dealing with the Id and Ego and self love and self respect.

Honestly, I think Freud and the alike needed to get laid a bit more often before judging everyone

She just had a breakup. She has earned the right to cry, get pissed off, drink lots of Cupcake wine and post her story on a message board

It's an outflow of emotion. That outflow prevents buildup of emotions that lessens the chance of anxiety and depression symptoms

And posting here allows her friends that understand what she has gone though to support and show her the Forum love we have all come to have for her

And that support goes to your very point. It will help her confidence of getting through this and will ultimately boost her self esteem to where she will believe she can land a guy as incredible as me.

So to Jillian. The girl who told me she would kiss me under the St Louis arch the first time we spoke here ; )

Tonight, have a cry, punch a hole in the wall, drink way too much then prank call the boy and laugh

Tomorrow, do the same if you need to

My advice to you to get through this, do whatever that makes you feel better. It's temporary, yet feels like it will be timeless

The day will come soon when you look in the mirror and say, "dang. Who the hell wouldn't walk though fire to get with this?"

You are pretty, sweet, outgoing and have a good job. As long as you are not a democrat, you are the perfect girl

And I need to check back on the group more often on Facebook. Sorry I missed you there

You be well, Jillian!

Amen to that.

And Jilian, you will be just fine. You got all of us here to help you through this. Don't forget that you are an amazing person and you deserve everything you want in life.

[jjh333]

Thanks guys :)

Today is my first day actually alone and I'm nervous. I'm gonna let myself just hang alone for a while to work on not being dependent on anyone. If worst comes to worst I can always call someone to go hang out or something.

I am scared though so I will probably be checking the forum a lot.

[Dahila]

You will be fine, do you have a good book on you? I know you like reading. :)

[cls1033]

it takes time to deal with a break up.

[jjh333]

I had a really good day yesterday and stayed busy and spent time with friends, but now I'm alone today and totally miserable and back in a yuck place.

[Wychhh]

That's ok you'll have days like that just keep busy phone a friend hang with family members if you don't have work or study.