Severe anxiety over "possible" medical problem :(

[sazz]

Hi Everyone

I'm new here, I don't usually post in forums, but I'm desperately seeking someone who understands where I'm coming from. I have a great, supportive husband and wonderful parents, but I hate upsetting them by constantly telling them about my worries.

A little background first, I'm 32 and moved to the US to be with my husband 3 years ago. All of my friends and family are 4000 miles away, which is very tough. I haven't been able to find work/ friends of my own and I spent most of my days at home alone waiting for my husband to finish work!

I've had some tough things happen in life, and at times have been a bit depressed, but never really for very long in the big picture. Past 3 years have been really hard, a lot of stress, both financial and emotional and there's hardly been a day where I haven't been worried about something.

2 months ago out of nowhere, the piercing at the top of my ear swells up like a balloon - hot sore, bright red. I've had this piercing for 17 years with no problems..... suddenly I'm being told there's a possibility the infection could spread to my brain.

enter extreme panic attacks and paranoia about me dying, every sensation in my body freaking me out - I felt like I was loosing my mind.

3 days into my course of antibiotics I start getting redness in my face and tingling down one side of my face - at first they suspect allergic reaction to meds and change them... but it still happens. panic attacks/anxiety happens most nights, can't sleep, awake most nights.

fast forward, my ear keeps going bright red if I get warm, or stressed (which is every day) multiple trips to the doctors and the answer I get is that it will take time to return to normal - months.

I see no improvement and this week went to see a dermatologist. they diagnosed rosacea (condition where skin goes red/ burning) feel mortified, start to think about never being able to see people because I'm so conscious about my looks as it is.

this morning I wake up with pins and needles down one side of my body (the side I was laying on has happened a few times in past 2 months) and really sweaty and have an uneasy tummy. In my sleep I have remembered once upon a time reading that lupus has similar symptoms to what I'm having. I'm now sat here convinced I have lupus (when in reality it could be extreme anxiety & the rosacea)

I'm stressing my husband out so much, he just doesn't know how to help me. but it feels like the past 2 months I'm constantly thinking I have some serious medical condition - several different things.

I just can't seem to stop worrying, I'm so anxious all the time, and I'm sure this is making my symptoms worse, but its like I just can't shut my brain off and think of anything else except being ill. Its at the stage where I'm not really sure if sensations are real, or if I'm imagining/exaggerating them.

please, someone out there help???

[JohnC]

Hi sazz, Welcome to the forum. Sounds like anxiety for sure to me. You have come to a good place and there is lots of good people here. Please remember that these people all have their own opinion and do not take them all literally. I want to strongly suggest that yo go to a thread called Health Anxiety Exposed it is a very good thread. You may have to type it in to the search box but you will find it and it will help. As far as the the friends go don't worry i have lived in the states all my life and do not have any really close friends and i do not really socialize. Stress is a BIG anxiety booster along with Googling your symptoms. I can not talk to much as i am at work but take a look around and i am sure others will respond too. Good luck. PEACE

[petrified]

Hi sazz and welcome to the forum :-)

I strongly agree with John and suggest you have a look at that thread it helped me massively.
Every symptom you described I have had. Us when I am overly stressed I also suffer from the bright red face and like a burning sensation.
I find mine gets better when I am less stressed. I also had the fear of dying constantly and am terrified of infections spreading to my brain or getting blood poisoning. I have had this fear nearly a year and I'm still here and fighting fit.
The fears do get easier but you have found a great place here.

Hannah

[sazz]

Hi sazz, Welcome to the forum. Sounds like anxiety for sure to me. You have come to a good place and there is lots of good people here. Please remember that these people all have their own opinion and do not take them all literally. I want to strongly suggest that yo go to a thread called Health Anxiety Exposed it is a very good thread. You may have to type it in to the search box but you will find it and it will help. As far as the the friends go don't worry i have lived in the states all my life and do not have any really close friends and i do not really socialize. Stress is a BIG anxiety booster along with Googling your symptoms. I can not talk to much as i am at work but take a look around and i am sure others will respond too. Good luck. PEACE

Hi John

I will definitely check out that post, thanks so much for taking time to reply!

You are completely right about me googling my symptoms, my husband jokes about removing my internet privileges to stop me doing it ;) I know I shouldn't do it, but it's kind of like i'm hoping i'm wrong and the internet will help me feel better..... but it only convinces me more!

I have always been a worrier (I get that from my dad) but I've honestly never felt anxiety until 2 months ago, and it is terrifying! It just seems to take over.

[sazz]

Hi sazz and welcome to the forum :-)

I strongly agree with John and suggest you have a look at that thread it helped me massively.
Every symptom you described I have had. Us when I am overly stressed I also suffer from the bright red face and like a burning sensation.
I find mine gets better when I am less stressed. I also had the fear of dying constantly and am terrified of infections spreading to my brain or getting blood poisoning. I have had this fear nearly a year and I'm still here and fighting fit.
The fears do get easier but you have found a great place here.

Hannah

Hi Hannah

It helps a lot to know I'm not the only one. I am so lucky to have people who care about me trying to help, but I really don't think any of them understand because they have never experienced it. It's exactly why I came here, people who have been through this can hopefully relate to what I say - help me to believe I can get through this!

I'm not sure if you feel comfortable answering this but I'm incredibly curious - when you say you've had all the symptoms I've described does that include the pins and needles thing? It's freaking me out the most right now and would be good to know if it might be associated to anxiety (instead of me convincing myself I have a life threatening condition lol)

I think this is the first time in my life I've ever been properly ill, and had the doctor not told me about the possibility of it spreading I'm pretty sure this anxiety would not have kicked in. I really scared me, and started this paranoia about other illnesses. In my logical mind I can tell myself that if it wasn't for the anxiety I would probably be better now.... but those moments don't seem to last very long!

Thank you so much for replying

[petrified]

Hi again

I get pins and needles all the time, today I've had them in my hands, feet and face. It really panicked me even though I knew it was just anxiety there is still that what if it isn't anxiety.

I find distraction helps me get rid of them. Once I'm distracted enough I forget all about it.

It's great you have such a great support network around you, but I understand its hard for people to understand when they have never been through it. My husband was and is great but it does get to be frustrating for him as there is only so many times he can reassure me I'm not dying before he gets a little fed up bless him.

Have you considered maybe a course of cbt to help? I found it really good at getting me through the worst of my anxiety.

[Im-Suffering]

A little background first, I'm 32 and moved to the US to be with my husband 3 years ago. All of my friends and family are 4000 miles away, which is very tough. I haven't been able to find work/ friends of my own and I spent most of my days at home alone waiting for my husband to finish work!

I've had some tough things happen in life, and at times have been a bit depressed, but never really for very long in the big picture. Past 3 years have been really hard, a lot of stress, both financial and emotional


Nothing to do with a medical problem.

Cut the post to show you your relevant thoughts, and the patterns causing the stress, the irritation to the skin, for the skin and blood systems show the first signs of internal distress. What I have quoted above in your words, is a call to action, from spirit, for the spirit is lonely, and insecure. Thy sustenance does not come from one man alone, nor does thy complete emotional fulfillment.

You are really not in a home, per se, not one you built, or with people you love, aside from the one. There is no safety, security, comfort, familiarity, as the house seems like a box devoid of emotional attachments, from your input, something you created. So there is disattachment, cold, feelings.

Advice is to seek your own life, at any cost. Relationships, groups, friends, gainful work, passion, and you will find soul rest, period. Although you may encounter protest, to keep you home barefoot and pregnant, in those terms. One day you will understand this, for the soul cannot be alienated indefinitely.

You are just beginning to suffer, now, suffering is not good for the soul, even for him, your husband as a martyr wife. The lesson should you continue to suffer, is what to do not to suffer, that is the only lesson. The way out is given in the previous paragraph. Try the arts, painting, music, theatre, at first in the home, then seek to go outside with others.

End of post.

[sazz]

Hannah

I'm so relieved to hear someone say they get the pins and needles all the time!! I had it a few weeks ago then it seemed to go once I had calmed down. It only came back once I got super stressed after my trip to the dermatologist! I looked at the post suggested above and saw some of your other posts, I can definitely relate to a lot of what you're saying.

In response to "i'm-suffering" - I'm really not sure if I am getting your point correctly. I'm fully aware that this constant stress isn't good for me, and my current anxiety is not helped by the life I'm leading. The message I get is that my husband isn't enough to make me complete? I think that's what you are trying to say?

I have tried to get work here in the US, with no luck, and this is why I have the lack of friends (here, I still have friends at home) It sort of feels like your saying my husband wants to keep me at home. I'm sorry if I gave that impression, he is fully supportive of any and everything that I want to do - its just a case of no one in our city wanting to employ an immigrant when jobs are already so scarce for the citizens.

I am not a naïve person, I am very resilient most of the time and I have coped until now. My illness is what has caused the anxiety - or I would have been suffering long before now!!! However I accept that the long term stress for the past few years does not help.

I have the option to move back to the UK, have a job, be around my family & friends - but this will mean a lengthy separation from my husband because of immigration laws getting tighter. But I am fully aware that I have that option, I can leave at any time - however I do not think this would cure my anxiety issues at all?

Maybe others disagree, that's fine, we all have different opinions :)

I believe the key is managing my anxiety, understanding that the physical symptoms are not every life threatening disease available!

I'm still not sure if I have understood you properly, but I thank you for the reply

[Im-Suffering]

Hannah

I'm so relieved to hear someone say they get the pins and needles all the time!! I had it a few weeks ago then it seemed to go once I had calmed down. It only came back once I got super stressed after my trip to the dermatologist! I looked at the post suggested above and saw some of your other posts, I can definitely relate to a lot of what you're saying.

In response to "i'm-suffering" - I'm really not sure if I am getting your point correctly. I'm fully aware that this constant stress isn't good for me, and my current anxiety is not helped by the life I'm leading. The message I get is that my husband isn't enough to make me complete? I think that's what you are trying to say?

I have tried to get work here in the US, with no luck, and this is why I have the lack of friends (here, I still have friends at home) It sort of feels like your saying my husband wants to keep me at home. I'm sorry if I gave that impression, he is fully supportive of any and everything that I want to do - its just a case of no one in our city wanting to employ an immigrant when jobs are already so scarce for the citizens.

I am not a naïve person, I am very resilient most of the time and I have coped until now. My illness is what has caused the anxiety - or I would have been suffering long before now!!! However I accept that the long term stress for the past few years does not help.

I have the option to move back to the UK, have a job, be around my family & friends - but this will mean a lengthy separation from my husband because of immigration laws getting tighter. But I am fully aware that I have that option, I can leave at any time - however I do not think this would cure my anxiety issues at all?

Maybe others disagree, that's fine, we all have different opinions :)

I believe the key is managing my anxiety, understanding that the physical symptoms are not every life threatening disease available!

I'm still not sure if I have understood you properly, but I thank you for the reply

The management comes from resolving the internal conflict. The conflict swells the skin, and toxicates the bloodstream. Should you learn nothing other than its self created, then intuitively you have a starting point. Every time you feel a ping, or tingle, a pain, or an overwhelming emotion, it is the conflict exposing itself, to grab your attention.

Where there is a will, there is a way. One must be persistant, determined, and outright stubborn in your attempts to better self. Should there be no jobs, no friends, then I behoove you to create them from thin air. Your belief "I am an immigrant and thus my opportunities are limited or zero" is a self fulfilling lie, no exceptions.

Your husbands support constructively now, is not to agree with your beliefs and offer solace for the struggle. That is destructive. You are to hit the pavement burning it up until every single stone is ruffled and turned inside out. You are to knock on every door until one shall be opened. For one will open.

Where the lion backed into a corner fights, you acquiesce to the eternal wait, for the husband to come home. And even after he arrives, the dissatisfaction is still there, in spades. For the only way to self fulfillment, value, is to dig self out of the hole. At all cost, period.

The only truth is what you believe, and your beliefs are false, so where does that leave you?

I am a medium, and im going at you spirit to spirit here, take it for what its worth. I have plenty more, but its enough for now.

Read some of my other posts if you wish, they may help. Pick any at random, and let fate have its way.

[backdoc]

Hi Sazz I'm sorry you're going through your medical ordeal , yes there is an anxiety component to your situation , BUT I strongly suggest you disregard the above "advice " from our "resident Medium " I'm suffering ........it is complete confusion and very dangerous to say the least. I wish you the best as you will find much good advice here, just not from the above.