Life doesn't interest me...

[ovenbakedbread]

Hi, I'm Lauren. I am 17 years old. I'm currently on summer break working as a seasonal employee. School starts next month. High school has never been a happy experience for me. I have friends and all that, I'm content with that part of my life. But recently my mom told me to start researching colleges and stuff and wow that put a damper on my mood. I am not a good student, and the thought of having to do that again for 4 years or more makes me want to gag. So, I've considered trade schools such as cosmetology school, film, or photography. I've also researched gap year programs. But to be completely honest, none of those things interest me. I'm not interested in looking into my future because truthfully, I just don't care. I have no desire to live. I am not necessarily suicidal or anything like that, but I just wish I was never born in the first place. I have no passions, I'm not good at anything. I've always been average at everything I do. I'm not pretty. I can't sing. I'm not smart. I'm lazy and irresponsible. Even though those gap year programs have the potential to be fun, I don't want to do it. I'd much prefer staying at home in my room for the rest of my life until I wither away in the corner. I must sound pretty messed up to you, don't I? Yeah, growing up, getting married and having kids and a family sounds appealing, but I don't think it's worth waiting for. The weird thing is, I'm neither happy nor sad. I'm content right now. I have no idea what's going on. It's like I'm just watching life pass by, not actually living it. I hate it. I wish I wanted to live.

[GeneAllen]

I would suggest you are indeed interested in life, or you would not be aware of this present dissatisfaction you're experiencing temporarily now. Your thoughts say "Life does not interest me" I get what you mean but be sure this is your mind, your thoughts, not the true whole you. You are life itself, your life "experience" is not the same, and that is what you prefer to change. Feel it out, do not look to only the mind as it does not have the truth. I know we always want to look to the mind that began the trouble we have, but truly how can the creator of what we see as a "problem" resolve this? It cannot. Feel it out. What you are watching is the movie or illusion (life experience) or your story about it. You have hit on a very important point in your discontent. Continue to watch your mind, it will become funny, the one watching it is the real you, and you are fine.

Peace

Peace

[creative ineptitude]

You sound like me for most of my life. I had the same thoughts when I was younger and to a certain point to this day. I am now 40 years old. One thing I wish I knew at your age was how much time I had. I wish someone would have sat me down and talked to me like a person and said, "hey I know what you are going through, you are still so young and so much life is ahead of you, enjoy it, find things you like to do and try to find a way to make those things your career". Instead all I got were parents who told me that I will only work hard the rest of my life, get used to it. No encouragement no help in anyway. If I would have known or thought about it back when I was your age, I would tried to be in movies or got into the internet casting in some shape or form. Whether it would be making miniatures, doing digital drawing or acting. I have always loved movies and never thought I could do that as a career. Maybe I just was not smart enough to think that I could be more than what my parents said I would ever be.

Understand I have been where you are (although a long time ago). I did not have all the info you have at your finger tips. But take it from me, you are young you will not know how young you are until you hit your 30's or 40's. There is so much time to figure out what you want in life. The thing is though you will only get out of life what you put into it. If you ever get the chance travel. Whether it's the next state away or across the country. One regret I have is not going away even if it is only to go to school or for a year or two. I always wanted to go to California and Florida (not the dummy who named himself after a state but the actual state). I regret it everyday, I try to tell my youngest brother this every time I see him, he is not much older than you and he is becoming a townie. Not that is anything wrong with that but as I tell him, there is plenty of time to be a townie. I know he doesn't want to be away from friends and the things he knows but guess what? They will always be there, if they are as good of friends as you think they are then they will be there when you get back. Or hopefully for them they travel and find their own path in life, maybe you will still be part of it, maybe not. With the internet and phones of today it would not be that hard to stay friends in one form or another.

I have no talets, skills or abilities. I have always been mediocre at best. If I had hindsight I would have known I could have learned what I needed to become more than mediocre. I have not had a career until more recently. I have gone from one job to another and at times worked several at a time. I think about it now I was never happy with what I did. I had to do what I did to just pay my bills. And that is all I have done my whole life, pay my bills. I have had hundreds of jobs in my life, yes hundreds. I had 10 different jobs in high school alone, including 4 during my senior year (I helped my father deliver papers in the morning, did a school/work program where I worked half the day, worked at a skateboard shop on the weekends and pumped gas at night. They were all part time and only one of them did I really enjoy. Only recently did have start to have a career so to speak. It kinda just was forced on me, having no skills or talents I just did what needed to be done. As a kid all I wanted to do was enjoy life (which no matter what I did I never was totally happy). Did I/ do I have friends? Yes, they have been with me most of my whole life. I also know now they would have been there even if I was gone for a few years. (with hindsight) If any of us or things changed in that time then I would have been grateful for those friendships and been grateful for future friendships.

You don't have to do what I would have done at your age. I understand now money is tight but there are ways to do things you want to do. If anything understand you have time but before you know it that time will be gone. You are at a great age during a great time. Use what you have at hand and discover yourself. Talk with your friends and family and explain to them you do not know what you want to do or how to go about figuring it out. I am sure they will be more understanding than you may think. If that will not work talk to someone like a counselor in school or even on a site like this one.

Sorry I kinda went on a tangent but this is a topic that hits me hard. I want others, especially younger people to understand there is more than one path in life and one that you can create on your own. You also do not need to know that path yet.

[sarah37]

Hi Lauren. Your life is just beginning at 17. You do not know what life is because you haven't given yourself the opportunity to live it and you don't know how to live it. You must find what makes you happy and do it. You have a very low self image of yourself but that can be changed. You must realize that life can turn around on a dime and can change for the best, but YOU must be ready when it does. I stayed very depressed, drunk, and drugged up for 12 years. I'm not completely well, but I'm better than I used to be. Break that rut you are in and do anything that brings you joy for starters. This world has so much to offer, with so much beauty and joy in it. You have to seek it, and you will find it. I don't want to give you a sermon, but God makes every single person "Different" because you are unique and beautiful in his eyes. God has a purpose for you and all of us. Seek and you shall find. Remember, dying is easy, its living that's hard. My best to you.

[Kuma]

Hey Lauren. You wrote "I'd much prefer staying at home in my room for the rest of my life until I wither away in the corner." I have sometimes felt like that too. But it is not an option.

In my case, it was not an option because I have responsibilities -- to my wife, to my kids, to my business colleagues, etc. So I had to drag myself out of the corner -- whether I feel like it or not -- and do what needs to be done. If it is not amusing, or I don't feel like it, or whatever -- that does not matter much because I have responsibilities.

At 17, you do not yet have such responsibilities, I assume, but you do have some responsibility for your own happiness and for making your life worthwhile. "Doing nothing" or "hiding the in the corner" is not a viable option. So I suggest you get up off the floor, dust yourself off, and take ownership of your life. You don't feel like it? Yea, I get that. But do it anyway. We all do lots of stuff that we don't feel like. And in the end, we are usually better off. Consider what your next options are -- a gap year, join the military, go to a community college, enroll in a trade school, apply to a four year college, get a job -- figure out which of these you want to do, and do it. Don't want to do any of them? Well just pick the one that seems the least offensive to you. And then commit to yourself that you will do it really well, to the best of your ability, even when it is hard to do. You will accomplish something. And you will be proud of yourself for having done so.

You have a lot of living left to do. You can be happy and satisfied and fulfilled. But that is up to you. Go make it happen!