Xerosnake90
07-23-2014, 04:27 AM
Hello everyone, my name is brian. I decided to join these forums after realizing anxiety has taken over my life. Here is my story. Prepare for a long read!
The last year or so I developed confidence as a person, something I never had much of. I avoided people tremendously. I had been in a depression and moving out of my patents house was a big step in changing that. Prior to moving out I had began to smoke marijuana, something that increased to daily usage shortly before I moved out. My job was the ultimate grow palace, I had great co workers whom made me feel well and taught me how to live for me and be a confident person. At this point I was partying with friends, picked up a cigarette habit about a year ago and 6 months ago began experimenting with cocaine. As the people who made my job great began to move on to other things, my pleasures lowered and I found myself using said drugs to feel better. Marijuana usage on a daily still, but I didn't enjoy it as much anymore. Cigarettes were a time waster to get away from work. Cocaine to bring energy and "fun" into my life. In the beginning of May I had enough, I decided that cocaine was no good for me anymore as were cigarettes. I recall the night before drinking at my buddy's house, I got majorly trashed and ultimately sat on the toilet puking all night. I laid down worrying that I was dying. This was when I had my first thought of "I need to get healthy". This thought plays a big role as it stuck with me as the incident happened..
May 10th was a normal day at work, albeit I'd been fed up with my coworkers for a while. I had taken a break to eat a breakfast burrito which I stupidly dropped on the ground and still ate.. It didn't take long for me to feel weird. I was hit with a migraine hard and was given permission to go home. I just had this strange feeling that something was not right driving home. As I got home I took a migraine reliever and smoked a bowl thinking the migraine will pass. But my feeling of in wellness was only getting worse, I started to get extremely worried. It's at this point in time I have come to realize that I experienced my first full blown panic attack. My chest hurt, fingers numb and an overwhelming rush went through my body. Sure enough I googled symptoms and heart attack came up, big mistake as it made me freak out more. I asked my roommate to come with me to get some food as I was worried that I hadn't eaten nearly well enough. After getting home I took one bite of my meal before promptly stating I need to throw up. I went upstairs to the bathroom and began to vomit and feeling worse than I ever have. It didn't take long for me to ponder my symptoms and food poisoning was what I had settled on before shifting to food poisoning. I had no idea this whole process would only evolve into something crazier.
So a week and a half went by and I saw my doctor. Explained my symptoms and he agreed a classic case of stomach bug. However at this point the feelings of doom were already seeded, I was worried I wouldn't recover. Slowly but surely my health would get better, I would eat something that tested my stomach and fail. I remember eating something mildly spicy and getting home that night, I had another anxiety episode feeling like a heart attack was hitting me, huge body rush and numb body parts. My stomach would get wrecked and I'd revert to feeling miserable. A big part of this is all of the pains I was having. They were everywhere, and I started to develop anxiety based physical symptoms. Blurred vision, went to my optometrist. Stomach cramps, head pains, joint and back pains. I attributed all of this to my stomach being messed up. At this point I was googling symptoms of everything and every possible answer scared me more and more. This continued until I went to the er short of having a panic attack at work. I was there for 4 hours and came out feeling great because they found nothing. At that point I became a health freak, switching my diet to make sure I get all my nutrients every day and eating organic best I could. I even started using bathroom materials with less chemicals.
So after recovering for another two or three weeks my stomach finally settled, but my symptoms were still present and that made me assume I still had stomach issues. Rewind to last week Monday I go to the gym, feel exhausted after working out and eat my dinner. I did not feel well, nausea, I assumed my stomach was once again failing me. However, the next day I was fine stomach wise. I made an appointment with my doc because of what I thought to be a uti. Symptoms I had a month earlier that went away, now back. My doctor appointment on Friday came back negative, no infection, blood work fine. I didn't get it, what is wrong with me!?
And that's when I googled the strangest symptom I had that kept me awake. I was vibrating, my pulse felt everywhere. Sure enough I landed on multiple sclerosis before hitting what seems to be my savior. Calmclinic.com, I started reading over it and i couldn't believe it. Was I suffering from anxiety based symptoms? This is still a question I'm asking myself. After all I only found this idea last weekend but it seems to make sense. It explains why the symptoms I had would fade away and then come back.
So now we are at present day. I've come to grasps that I suffer from some tough anxiety that began harshly affecting me before I got sick. Hell, I'm not even convinced I had stomach flu. I'm coming around to believing that I may or may not have mentally induced that entire episode. I am starting to realize though that I have had anxiety my entire life. My family was troubled because of my brother growing up, I got bullied as a kid and I had a hard time feeling good about myself until just a year ago. I used to get these cold chill attacks that would pass after I get warm, triggered by nothing. I believe now they were a form of anxiety attack. I am currently having symptoms that I believe are anxiety based. For two weeks I had a tingling in my leg that would come and go. My left eye had began to twitch in spurts that got worse as time went on. Chest pains, head feeling warm, warm sensations all over the body. I thought I had a uti because my urethra would feel tight and I felt like I had to go all the time. My stool would break apart and be diarrhea like. Stomach cramps off the chain. Now there is some light shining and i feel it to be growing brighter everyday.
After realizing my anxiety I began utilizing the "calm" app, and I'm currently enrolled in calm clinics 7 day trial to curing anxiety. I had a hard time falling asleep, and the calm app utilized meditation that I was amazed put me to sleep halfway through it. I was able to relax and I went under. I've been practicing meditation before and after bed and I can say that I'm happily able to sleep. I lost 20 pounds after my flu incident and getting back in the gym has been a tough mental game. I feel discouraged easily, wasted away. However I can say that I used what I learned from meditation and Completely flipped my attitude. I continued my workout that I was just about ready to quit, not only did I keep going but I was frustrated when I wanted to do more after my muscles had been worked. However, today was a success and tomorrow will be another one. I have a job interview that I've been waiting for, and I feel like I'm slowly starting to regain some healthy control to my life.
After two weeks of constant tingling, I've had my first day free of leg tingles. My twitching eye has been gone for three days after going a month or more! Now I will admit I still worry the second something shoots off in my body, and I've had a pain that actually REALLY hurts when I rub that spot with cloth. But I do my best not to worry about my symptoms, meditation is really helping me get through this. I've made a rule of no longer googling symptoms or worrying too much about what goes into my body aside from the obvious negatives I've cut out. I'm following the advice of calm clinic, which so far is going great. If anyone else has tried or is currently doing there programn let me know. And if you're still reading this then thank you as well! Here's to positive thoughts that will continue to help myself and all of us feel better.
The last year or so I developed confidence as a person, something I never had much of. I avoided people tremendously. I had been in a depression and moving out of my patents house was a big step in changing that. Prior to moving out I had began to smoke marijuana, something that increased to daily usage shortly before I moved out. My job was the ultimate grow palace, I had great co workers whom made me feel well and taught me how to live for me and be a confident person. At this point I was partying with friends, picked up a cigarette habit about a year ago and 6 months ago began experimenting with cocaine. As the people who made my job great began to move on to other things, my pleasures lowered and I found myself using said drugs to feel better. Marijuana usage on a daily still, but I didn't enjoy it as much anymore. Cigarettes were a time waster to get away from work. Cocaine to bring energy and "fun" into my life. In the beginning of May I had enough, I decided that cocaine was no good for me anymore as were cigarettes. I recall the night before drinking at my buddy's house, I got majorly trashed and ultimately sat on the toilet puking all night. I laid down worrying that I was dying. This was when I had my first thought of "I need to get healthy". This thought plays a big role as it stuck with me as the incident happened..
May 10th was a normal day at work, albeit I'd been fed up with my coworkers for a while. I had taken a break to eat a breakfast burrito which I stupidly dropped on the ground and still ate.. It didn't take long for me to feel weird. I was hit with a migraine hard and was given permission to go home. I just had this strange feeling that something was not right driving home. As I got home I took a migraine reliever and smoked a bowl thinking the migraine will pass. But my feeling of in wellness was only getting worse, I started to get extremely worried. It's at this point in time I have come to realize that I experienced my first full blown panic attack. My chest hurt, fingers numb and an overwhelming rush went through my body. Sure enough I googled symptoms and heart attack came up, big mistake as it made me freak out more. I asked my roommate to come with me to get some food as I was worried that I hadn't eaten nearly well enough. After getting home I took one bite of my meal before promptly stating I need to throw up. I went upstairs to the bathroom and began to vomit and feeling worse than I ever have. It didn't take long for me to ponder my symptoms and food poisoning was what I had settled on before shifting to food poisoning. I had no idea this whole process would only evolve into something crazier.
So a week and a half went by and I saw my doctor. Explained my symptoms and he agreed a classic case of stomach bug. However at this point the feelings of doom were already seeded, I was worried I wouldn't recover. Slowly but surely my health would get better, I would eat something that tested my stomach and fail. I remember eating something mildly spicy and getting home that night, I had another anxiety episode feeling like a heart attack was hitting me, huge body rush and numb body parts. My stomach would get wrecked and I'd revert to feeling miserable. A big part of this is all of the pains I was having. They were everywhere, and I started to develop anxiety based physical symptoms. Blurred vision, went to my optometrist. Stomach cramps, head pains, joint and back pains. I attributed all of this to my stomach being messed up. At this point I was googling symptoms of everything and every possible answer scared me more and more. This continued until I went to the er short of having a panic attack at work. I was there for 4 hours and came out feeling great because they found nothing. At that point I became a health freak, switching my diet to make sure I get all my nutrients every day and eating organic best I could. I even started using bathroom materials with less chemicals.
So after recovering for another two or three weeks my stomach finally settled, but my symptoms were still present and that made me assume I still had stomach issues. Rewind to last week Monday I go to the gym, feel exhausted after working out and eat my dinner. I did not feel well, nausea, I assumed my stomach was once again failing me. However, the next day I was fine stomach wise. I made an appointment with my doc because of what I thought to be a uti. Symptoms I had a month earlier that went away, now back. My doctor appointment on Friday came back negative, no infection, blood work fine. I didn't get it, what is wrong with me!?
And that's when I googled the strangest symptom I had that kept me awake. I was vibrating, my pulse felt everywhere. Sure enough I landed on multiple sclerosis before hitting what seems to be my savior. Calmclinic.com, I started reading over it and i couldn't believe it. Was I suffering from anxiety based symptoms? This is still a question I'm asking myself. After all I only found this idea last weekend but it seems to make sense. It explains why the symptoms I had would fade away and then come back.
So now we are at present day. I've come to grasps that I suffer from some tough anxiety that began harshly affecting me before I got sick. Hell, I'm not even convinced I had stomach flu. I'm coming around to believing that I may or may not have mentally induced that entire episode. I am starting to realize though that I have had anxiety my entire life. My family was troubled because of my brother growing up, I got bullied as a kid and I had a hard time feeling good about myself until just a year ago. I used to get these cold chill attacks that would pass after I get warm, triggered by nothing. I believe now they were a form of anxiety attack. I am currently having symptoms that I believe are anxiety based. For two weeks I had a tingling in my leg that would come and go. My left eye had began to twitch in spurts that got worse as time went on. Chest pains, head feeling warm, warm sensations all over the body. I thought I had a uti because my urethra would feel tight and I felt like I had to go all the time. My stool would break apart and be diarrhea like. Stomach cramps off the chain. Now there is some light shining and i feel it to be growing brighter everyday.
After realizing my anxiety I began utilizing the "calm" app, and I'm currently enrolled in calm clinics 7 day trial to curing anxiety. I had a hard time falling asleep, and the calm app utilized meditation that I was amazed put me to sleep halfway through it. I was able to relax and I went under. I've been practicing meditation before and after bed and I can say that I'm happily able to sleep. I lost 20 pounds after my flu incident and getting back in the gym has been a tough mental game. I feel discouraged easily, wasted away. However I can say that I used what I learned from meditation and Completely flipped my attitude. I continued my workout that I was just about ready to quit, not only did I keep going but I was frustrated when I wanted to do more after my muscles had been worked. However, today was a success and tomorrow will be another one. I have a job interview that I've been waiting for, and I feel like I'm slowly starting to regain some healthy control to my life.
After two weeks of constant tingling, I've had my first day free of leg tingles. My twitching eye has been gone for three days after going a month or more! Now I will admit I still worry the second something shoots off in my body, and I've had a pain that actually REALLY hurts when I rub that spot with cloth. But I do my best not to worry about my symptoms, meditation is really helping me get through this. I've made a rule of no longer googling symptoms or worrying too much about what goes into my body aside from the obvious negatives I've cut out. I'm following the advice of calm clinic, which so far is going great. If anyone else has tried or is currently doing there programn let me know. And if you're still reading this then thank you as well! Here's to positive thoughts that will continue to help myself and all of us feel better.