new to page, away from boyfriend, need advice please!

[evebean21]

I'm new to this page, hi! I have an issue that I was wondering if anyone else is dealing with or has any advice to give me.
I have an amazing boyfriend who I have been with for ten months. He is loving, kind, patient, understanding, tall, handsome.. he is someone anyone would dream to have, and for some reason he was given to me.
Here is where things get complicated.
whenever I or he leaves for a vacation, I get intrusive thoughts. "You dont really love him" pounds on me morning and night, mainly in the morning and then only slightly for the rest of the day. I started getting these thoughts a week before I was going to leave him for six weeks, and eventually my hormones literally shut off and it was impossible for us to have any sort of intimacy together (making out, feeling each other, etc.)I started to not look forward to his texts, and when I would be with him during the last week of us together, I would have extremely bad anxiety when I was around him. I talked to my therapist and my mom, they both told me It was because I was leaving and that I would be back to normal when I got home.
this is the third week of me being away from him and nothing really has changed. My anxiety has gotten better, but now I'm on my time of the month and it is hell. Im on my fifth day but my anxiety still hasn't lessened. I fantasized about him, and for two or three seconds his friend replaced him in my mind and I became very upset and guilty feeling about that considering I would never in a million years cheat on him. Also, his friend is a major dick. I dont know if that counts as anything, but I thought i would bring that up. I will also add that during the week I was still with him while having the "you don't love him" thought, I also eventually went crazy because I started getting the thought "what if you developed a crush while you're down there?" I tried not to let that thought get to me, but anxiety is a dwelling disease. That drove me nuts until I came down here and realized I had nothing to worry about. I told my boyfriend about all of this and he somehow has been very understanding and still loving towards me.. Which makes me want to cry even more because I feel that he deserves someone much better than me, who wont have these thoughts.. he deserves the most perfect woman on the planet and I am nowhere near there. I am sixteen, if that adds to anything. i am in so much pain from this.. i would do anything to not feel like this. I want to be exactly what he deserves but I'm afraid I cant because of these thoughts.. he deserves so much better than this. If someone can please help me to redirect my thoughts and fight these things off, please help me.
thank you,
eve.

[dn1992]

It seems like you are scared that youre feelings may not be there. Trying to fight any thoughts will only make them come more. If u just let them run their course then they may ease up. It seems that u are very worried with these thougts and i thimk that if u are that worried then u probably do love ur boyfriend. It vouldbe sonething that u are goinf thru urself and those feelings are just getting mixed up into your relationship. That hapoebed to my boyfriend and he ended up being depressed. I have had spme pretty bizaare thoughts and when i told my therapist she said that they didnt havw to necessarily mean anything. We all think about random odd or untrue things at sone point. And the more we worry about them the worse they get

[evebean21]

Thank you so much for your response.

[superchick22684]

Evebean21,
If you find that anything that helps please let me know. I've been struggling with similar issues. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and have on and off throughout had intrusive/obsessive thoughts that he doesn't love me or he just stays with me because he feels sorry for me. Unfortunately this sometimes leads to thinking that says he's cheating on me but staying in the relationship because he feels sorry for me.
More recently the thoughts have evolved into "Do you really love him? Maybe you're just with him because your scared to be alone?"
I've been dealing with anxiety for over 7 years so while I know that its just anxiety talking sometimes I buy into it. Which makes me feel even more miserable. If you ever want to talk let me know.

[evebean21]

Hello, superchick22684!
I have had very similar things happen to me also. I was terrified of him cheating on me, giving up on me, etc. All because of my anxiety. It caused me to break up with him before, which broke his heart. What I will tell you is that anxiety the way we have it is NOT RATIONAL. There is no RATIONAL reason for us to think our boyfriends would give up on us or not want us or stays because they feel bad. One way i think of it is that of we havent had physical proof for what we are thinking, then thats all they are, thoughts. I spent the longest time trying to convince myself i cheated on him when i never even got close and i made everyone i talk to about it facepalm for being so ridiculous. It is VERY difficult to tell which thoughts are you, and which thoughts are your anxiety.. especially when both are very convincing. You have to look back and ask yourself "do I have any physical proof to rationalize what I'm thinking?". Did you ever physically show that you dont love him without realizing it? Do you find yourself flirting, hitting on other guys, etc.? THESE are things that could rationally lead to the thought "do you really love him?". Anything else is just your mind and nothing else. I would recommend you try your hardest to keep yourself grounded in the present. Anxiety comes from thinking of the past and the future, it is a mainly emotional response. God knows anyone that follows their emotions is doomed haha. Try this as an exercise every day: focus on nothing but you're breathing. Not HOW you breathe, just the way your nostrils move out and your belly moves up. Focus only on this. Eventually your mind will wander off and try to focus on other things. This is when you tell yourself "no" and focus on your breathing again. Do this over and over. Do this during your every day activities also, focus on only what you are doing NOW. Everything else is just your mind. Also, it seems you have a low self esteem. That is another cause for what you are going through at the moment. I know that was my issue and I even think what im going through now has something to do with low self esteem even though I can't seem to find the link. You need to recognize that you are a valuable human being that is 100% worthy of someone that loves you and is trustworthy. No more "what if" statements. You need to love yourself first. If he does cheat, so what? That shows the type of person you dont need in your life anyway. It gives you roomtto find someone even better, who will love you unconditionally, be patient with you, and never cheat. I highly suggest you begin reading how to build self esteem to see the truly amazing human being you really are.
I hope this helped a little bit, we can talk whenever you would like :)
-Eve.