Made a mistake and now paying for it...

[MotoGP1000]

Well, here goes...

2 months ago I smoked some weed. Actually, some really good weed and way too much of it which threw me into a major panic attack. I had every single symptom of a bad panic attack on weed. Long story, short. It was terrible.

Since then I"ve been dealing with not only anxiety, but intrusive thoughts. Which I don't know if its the same thing or not. I took anxiety meds for a few weeks but didn't want to get dependent so stopped. The physical symptoms of my anxiety have pretty much subsided about 80%, but I still have this lingering thought that nothing is real. Or maybe I am not living in reality and things are not what they seem. I have this thought mostly all day, or at least when my mind isn't distracted. This causes a sinking feeling which then spurs my anxiety. This sucks.

So. Tips? Will I deal with this for life? Its been two months already... bleh.. I'm ready to get over this thing, I just gotta get that stupid thought out and stop it from causing so much fear.

I have to laugh a little. The only thing that I could repeat to myself for the first two weeks to calm me down was "I love my wife, I love my family, I love my friends".

Talk about being humbled.

PS. I'm an adult and I am never touching weed again (I've only used maybe 9 times anyways)

Thanks for your help

[Kuma]

Hello Moto. First, don't castigate yourself for a mistake. Many people have made much worse mistakes. I think sometimes when we blame ourselves it makes the anxiety worse. It is one thing to have anxiety. It is another to believe that you did something which caused the anxiety. That seems worse.

Any chance you can get away for a week or two to some place relaxing?

[Ricky3]

Hi Moto. I did a bit of research on your issue. Looks like this depersonalization is actually really common and can last more or less for as long as the drug is in your system. Then the anxiety associated with the whole experience can perpetuate the depersonalization symptoms. It'll ease up. After reading your post......I don't use pot and now I sure won't. Thanks for the lesson and trust that you will feel better.

[MotoGP1000]

Thanks, Kuma. Its hard not to blame myself because I've always been such a structured person and feel up until then I've made pretty level headed decisions. I naturally expect a lot from myself personally, professionally, and otherwise. As for getting away... that might be tough for now since I took a 2week vacation about 3months ago. Its generally good to keep my mind busy though with work, the computer, video games, or golf. Distractors help me. I'm just trying to get back to the place I feel i was before this incident soon so I can freely zone out when I want to :)

[MotoGP1000]

I've read alot of the same Ricky3. I'm hoping it does. I will say its gotten a little better over the last 2months. I guess these things just take time? IDK

My advice for you if you were considering trying pot is DONT. Things like this are always unexpected. I've done pot only a few times before never with any side effects and then all of sudden boom. Its not worth it. All the hype, all this legalization bs... idk.. I used to be for it but now I gotta say I see where conservative people are coming from. I dont think it should be completely illegal, but it should be regulated.

Thanks for your words. Im also hoping to feel better soon.