Relationship Anxiety: Confused and Need Help

[Tayrr]

Relationship Anxiety is making my life a mess right now. For a little background, I am only 17 years old, and have been suffering from anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember. When my anxiety heightened, a year or so ago it was over a potential medical issue. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years now, and he's a completely wonderful person. I feel as though I should have no reason to feel anxiety about him. He treats me like a princess and is always being silly to try and cheer me up. However, for months now, he has been the focus of my anxiety. Simply thinking of him sends a rush of anxiety and anxiousness through my body. When he does something strange or silly, I get anxiety. He's a great guy, and has not harmed me or anything in any way.

If I could trace back one event that could have initiated this anxiety, I would think that it would be about 6 or 7 months ago when a friend of mine was dumped by her boyfriend of 2 years. My friends and I were for sure they would last, and they did not. Ever since then, I believe, whenever I get anxiety, it is a fear of falling out of love with my boyfriend. It has gotten so bad that I have wondered recently if I still love him. However, I want to be with him, and I want this anxiety to go away. I'm just afraid that if the anxiety goes away, that the feelings of not loving him will still be there. I do not want to break his heart, as he is my best friend as well as my boyfriend. I go to him for everything, including the issue of him triggering my anxiety, and he has been completely understanding and has done very much to help me overcome this. I feel guilty for telling him, but he has always been the first one I want to tell anything ever since we began our relationship. Honestly, I am just very confused, and very scared. I want to know why he would trigger my anxiety, and would like to know if anyone has experienced this feeling or can help. Thank you.

[defectivemodel]

Hey tayr .. I'm kinda in the same situation has you , been involved with a childhood crush for over 6 months now.

Started it out great , after a month i began to have anxiety about her .. Long story short i broke up and got back with her 3 times now ...

It's very weird cause when i have anxiety i feel no love for her. I don't hate her or anything but i don't feel that love i would usually do .

When i break up with her the anxiety goes away (eventually) only to be replaced with depression , when in that state i feel that love again , feel like she's the only one for me , no interest in other girls , always thinking about her..etc..

I gave in 3 times to anxiety and tried to be without her but every time we weren't together i felt so much love for her ( i assume cause i was not busy being anxious). At this moment i'm trying to float through the anxiety and see if i can pull it off.

Like you i'm looking for a rational explanation to why i react this way towards a girl i feel like is the love of my life . Just thought i would share to let you know your not the only one in this situation

[Kuma]

I certainly don't have all the answers (wish I did) -- but here's my take on it:

The things (or people) we care most about can trigger anxiety -- for those of us who are predisposed toward anxiety. A person (or event or thing) you don't care about will not trigger your anxiety. It just does not matter to you. But things, or events, or people, or relationships that matter to you -- that you care about -- that you feel invested in -- you may be more anxious about. You want them to go well. You worry about losing them. You worry about screwing it up. You worry about whether the other person will lose interest, etc. So the anxiety may be a sign of the strength of your feeling for the other person, of how much you care, of how invested you are.

The best sign is that you can talk openly with the other person about your anxiety. That shows that the relationship has some strength.

At the same time, focus on all the fun stuff, the good times, etc. -- the anxiety is there, something to deal with and try to overcome -- but don't let it overshadow the fun that you have together -- particularly at 17 -- a time of life to enjoy.