ss_worrier
07-10-2014, 09:45 PM
Hi, thanks to anyone writing back or even reading this!
I've struggled with relationship anxiety with basically relationship -- short or long -- that I've ever been in. I currently have a girlfriend since almost 10 months back and I think I really love her. She's a great person in so many ways and our interests are really similar, she always makes me laugh and she sort of understands me, and I think I understand her, which I think is relatively rare for two people.
But she is also the trigger for so much of my anxiety, even for most of it. We're currently doing long-distance for a few weeks and I try to make up excuses to not have to talk to her when my anxiety is the worst. Most often I just tell her that I'm too anxious to talk.
We just had a fight, it was eventually resolved but then we somehow touched upon the topic of what is ok and what is not in relationships with regards to other people, like ex boy/girlfriends etc. That, and everything related to other people (like flirting etc) is the worst part of my relationship anxiety, it gets to me more than anything else. I was probably the one who brought it up now, when my anxious thoughts even keep coming up a little bit they don't stop and I just go all in...
What I'm struggling to understand is whether or not to decide that she's too much of a trigger for my anxiety for our relationship to be able to work out. Sometimes I feel like I love her so much I could actually see us getting married in a not too distant future. Sometimes I just think I could never live with someone who triggers my anxiety like this. Part of it is that we had a bad start with different definitions of when we were actually "exclusive", and I do think she has a very flirty personality. But then again I very much do too.
One thing I've learned about my anxiety through the years is to cut out or change things that trigger it to as large of an extent as possible. But this is different -- this is not like trying not to check facebook so frequently or trying to exercise more often to alleviate it. This is someone I really love but someone who also brings me to my worst states of mind relatively often. I know my anxiety is primarily about me, but I'm hoping that someone here can tell me how they manage to decide when something is too much of an anxiety trigger to remain in your life, i.e. friends, habits et cetera. Because I'm at a loss. All I know is that it can't go on like this, either I have to find a way to deal with it or I have to end the relationship, which a huge part of me really doesn't want to do. Thanks in advance for any sort of advice.
I've struggled with relationship anxiety with basically relationship -- short or long -- that I've ever been in. I currently have a girlfriend since almost 10 months back and I think I really love her. She's a great person in so many ways and our interests are really similar, she always makes me laugh and she sort of understands me, and I think I understand her, which I think is relatively rare for two people.
But she is also the trigger for so much of my anxiety, even for most of it. We're currently doing long-distance for a few weeks and I try to make up excuses to not have to talk to her when my anxiety is the worst. Most often I just tell her that I'm too anxious to talk.
We just had a fight, it was eventually resolved but then we somehow touched upon the topic of what is ok and what is not in relationships with regards to other people, like ex boy/girlfriends etc. That, and everything related to other people (like flirting etc) is the worst part of my relationship anxiety, it gets to me more than anything else. I was probably the one who brought it up now, when my anxious thoughts even keep coming up a little bit they don't stop and I just go all in...
What I'm struggling to understand is whether or not to decide that she's too much of a trigger for my anxiety for our relationship to be able to work out. Sometimes I feel like I love her so much I could actually see us getting married in a not too distant future. Sometimes I just think I could never live with someone who triggers my anxiety like this. Part of it is that we had a bad start with different definitions of when we were actually "exclusive", and I do think she has a very flirty personality. But then again I very much do too.
One thing I've learned about my anxiety through the years is to cut out or change things that trigger it to as large of an extent as possible. But this is different -- this is not like trying not to check facebook so frequently or trying to exercise more often to alleviate it. This is someone I really love but someone who also brings me to my worst states of mind relatively often. I know my anxiety is primarily about me, but I'm hoping that someone here can tell me how they manage to decide when something is too much of an anxiety trigger to remain in your life, i.e. friends, habits et cetera. Because I'm at a loss. All I know is that it can't go on like this, either I have to find a way to deal with it or I have to end the relationship, which a huge part of me really doesn't want to do. Thanks in advance for any sort of advice.