Marijuana Induced Hell (PLEASE READ/HELP)

[apoplexy]

Hi,
In December of 2012 I made a completely moronic mistake. I smoked a lot of weed and had a panic attack. I took a few hits of a joint, was already too high without realizing it and then I got passed a vaporizer and hit that without realizing how powerful it was. I didn’t even know what a vaporizer was, it was my 3rd time smoking pot in my life and it has been haunting me to this day.

The next day when I woke up I felt what I later found out to be depersonalization/derealisation. I went on an SSRI and after 2 months of complete HELL I was able to live…decently. That being said, my anxiety was through the roof, I was having physical symptoms that I never, ever had – or even knew existed for that matter, I’ve been getting weird, annoying thoughts, halos around lights, visual distortions and a bunch of other shit that’s been hard to deal with.
Now I’m really ambitious and despite feeling this way I just kept pushing through, I ended up moving cities, switching my life, was studying nonstop, doing music production, working, blah blah and I had a panic attack one day that seems to have relapsed me into the exact same hell that I endured when I smoked that bullshit fucking pot.
I should also mention that I got off of my SSRI about 3-4months ago because of sexual side effects and I think that was a bad idea. I’m back on Ciprilex 10mg, in a mood and anxiety program, I’ve purchased a couple programs, am going to do the Linden method, im eating better (when I can actually eat), going to the gym, etc. I will do ANYTHING to get my life back. Before this I was a 3.97GPA student and I was making good money, loving life. Now I can’t go to school this September and I’m flat broke – I feel like I’m living in hell.
I knew I had GAD before this but it was always controllable. I was always told marijuana was good for anxiety and I know firsthand that for me, it’s not. I obviously triggered a latent disorder or exacerbated my pre-existing condition but I am praying that I can get it back to where it used to be (its 100x worse in every way possible) and get rid of this depersonalization in time.

Has anybody ever experienced a reaction to marijuana like this? I fucked up, I know it but I’m praying I didn’t ruin my life/future. I'm not suicidal and I'm absolutely determined to get better, I will fight nonstop and do everything necessary -- but in 5 years if I'm still living like this I would honestly kill myself. I do not want to die and just the thought of that and having these thoughts in my head are killing me because I have so much good to offer the world and I love life more than anything, it's truly beautiful, I want to be me again.

Please help me. I’m desperate.

[MaloryR.]

First of all, DON'T PANIC. You are not going to be this way permanently. You will be fine.

What you're experiencing feels very scary now, but know that it's not impossible to return to normal. I don't know who told you that marijuana can lessen symptoms of anxiety, but my guess is that they didn't have all the facts at the time. The thing about marijuana is that it causes different reactions in different people. While some might feel relaxed (like my brother), others might blindly panic (like myself) or even experience hallucinations. It is also known to temporarily trigger and/or in some cases exacerbate existing or latent psychological conditions. Unfortunately, it does seem to have had such an effect in you. For that, I offer my deepest sympathies.

I've only tried weed once in my life, and it was not a good experience. Like you, I experienced depersonalization that lasted for far longer than the pot itself. Days, in fact. It was very disconcerting, so I understand how frightened you must be. However, my own anxiety disorders were already severe prior to this, so I didn't notice much of a marked difference in that arena.

However, know that my depersonalization did indeed fade with time. The fact that yours is taking longer to do so does NOT mean that it is permanent. It is problematic, though, in that it sounds like it's badly impacting your enjoyment of life.

For this, I suggest reading the following article: "I.Q. Reversal: Marijuana induced depersonalization."
(Apparently I'm too new to this site to post links. I know it's a pain the patoot, but if you just google the title, it'll be the first article to come up. It's a great article; it really helped to calm me while I was going through this, so it might do the same for you.

Anyway, I sincerely wish you the best. Know that you are NOT GOING TO SUFFER FOREVER. You will go on to enjoy life again. As a small personal aside, though, I would suggest staying away from alcohol during this time as best as you can, because studies have suggested that it aggravates symptoms of depersonalization. Also, avoid other drugs if you're able. Forever.

You're going to be okay, though. So, relax, okay? :)

[Scillaflower]

Hi,
In December of 2012 I made a completely moronic mistake. I smoked a lot of weed and had a panic attack. I took a few hits of a joint, was already too high without realizing it and then I got passed a vaporizer and hit that without realizing how powerful it was. I didn’t even know what a vaporizer was, it was my 3rd time smoking pot in my life and it has been haunting me to this day.

The next day when I woke up I felt what I later found out to be depersonalization/derealisation. I went on an SSRI and after 2 months of complete HELL I was able to live…decently. That being said, my anxiety was through the roof, I was having physical symptoms that I never, ever had – or even knew existed for that matter, I’ve been getting weird, annoying thoughts, halos around lights, visual distortions and a bunch of other shit that’s been hard to deal with.
Now I’m really ambitious and despite feeling this way I just kept pushing through, I ended up moving cities, switching my life, was studying nonstop, doing music production, working, blah blah and I had a panic attack one day that seems to have relapsed me into the exact same hell that I endured when I smoked that bullshit fucking pot.
I should also mention that I got off of my SSRI about 3-4months ago because of sexual side effects and I think that was a bad idea. I’m back on Ciprilex 10mg, in a mood and anxiety program, I’ve purchased a couple programs, am going to do the Linden method, im eating better (when I can actually eat), going to the gym, etc. I will do ANYTHING to get my life back. Before this I was a 3.97GPA student and I was making good money, loving life. Now I can’t go to school this September and I’m flat broke – I feel like I’m living in hell.
I knew I had GAD before this but it was always controllable. I was always told marijuana was good for anxiety and I know firsthand that for me, it’s not. I obviously triggered a latent disorder or exacerbated my pre-existing condition but I am praying that I can get it back to where it used to be (its 100x worse in every way possible) and get rid of this depersonalization in time.

Has anybody ever experienced a reaction to marijuana like this? I fucked up, I know it but I’m praying I didn’t ruin my life/future. I'm not suicidal and I'm absolutely determined to get better, I will fight nonstop and do everything necessary -- but in 5 years if I'm still living like this I would honestly kill myself. I do not want to die and just the thought of that and having these thoughts in my head are killing me because I have so much good to offer the world and I love life more than anything, it's truly beautiful, I want to be me again.

Please help me. I’m desperate.

Im really glad you shared your story. I also have had horrible reactions to marijuana in the past. I have often thought that I just must be the only person in the world who is "allergic to weed" but it seems there are others out there like me :) I had smoked 5 or 6 times without a problem, but I quit for awhile, the next time I smoked the reaction was unbelievably bad. I was throwing up, it was very difficult to breathe, I thought the world was ending and much more. Now I can't even be in the same room with people who are smoking. It is hurting my friendships because I'm sure I am seen as the snob who hates weed. Its hard to go out because I'm so afraid of walking in someones house and breathing the second hand smoke. At first I didn't go to the doctor because I worried they would have some kind of legal obligation to report it. Now I am just thinking well, what can they do about it anyway. I'm sorry I cannot offer any advice for you right now. Just know you are not alone with this problem!

[AliasEQ]

Hey Apoplexy,


I went through the same sh*t as you. I know it's f*cking scary right now and you think you've ruined your life and that everything might go to waste. But here's whats up, the only thing you're losing is time putting into this. Stop pushing yourself down. Don't go all "I used to have this and that and now I've lost it". Keep it positive all the way, fake it til' you make it.

I fucked up worse than you. I had TOO much weed and it triggered a panic attack. Heart started beating fast, I started to hear things, hallucinations, shaking, depersonalization/derealization and lots of other shit. Worst panic attack ever, thinking I'm gonna die. Next day, I woke up with derealization/depersonalization and started to panic once again. Same symptoms, but a little bit milder. Now I started to get panic attacks every now and then and the derealization was "ON" 24/7, thinking I'm in a dream. Really scary. BUT, I always KNEW I was going to get better. You will aswell. This is not permanent and you will soon realise it's all a f*cking bluff.

This was about 8 months ago. Now, I don't get panic attacks, no derealization, no depersonalization, no anxiety or whatever. It's good that you're exercising and trying to get your life back. Just live normally, that depersonalization won't be a threat, it can't harm you in any way. Take control of it, don't let it take control of you.

Suicide was not an option for me and it shouldn't be for you too. Keep fighting and don't ever give up. Have hope. I made it and so can you.

Good luck and wish you the best!

Elias

[Exactice]

Elias!!!!!! I was waiting for you to post up! Apoplexy, Elias has a thread about his "hell" that he went through and he has done such a great job fighting through it! We are proud of him and know that there are others that have gone through and fought it!

Hang in there be patient and realize that it was a bad choice but, we have the choice now to fix it!

[AliasEQ]

Elias!!!!!! I was waiting for you to post up! Apoplexy, Elias has a thread about his "hell" that he went through and he has done such a great job fighting through it! We are proud of him and know that there are others that have gone through and fought it!

Hang in there be patient and realize that it was a bad choice but, we have the choice now to fix it!

Haha Exactice my friend, how are you doing? :)

You and the rest of the people here helped me alot and I'm grateful I got to know you guys. Appreciate all the help you've given me!! :)

[Exactice]

I did nothing! You did all the work! All I did was remind you that things will be alright!!!!

Im doing alright couple of speedbumps here and there but all in all feeling great!

Love everyone here and I am going to continue to try and help others just like you!!!

[needtogetwell]

Elias!

So glad you popped in. You sound fantastic! Life is obviously agreeing with you.

You give sound advice, learned from a hard fought battle. Well done!

I hope you continue to be well. So nice to see you pop in!

Cheers
Pam

[MotoGP1000]

You guys are so positive and that's just what I need right now. I blew my brains out on pot a couple months ago which gave me a wicked panic attack. Terrible.

I had to get on meds for a good 3weeks just to calm my body down. Now I just need to figure out how to get the intrusive thought that I'm not in reality out of my head. This obsessive thought its making a cycle of anxiety for me which is terrible. Only when work distracts me or a video game or something like that is when I feel "normal".

I'll never do pot again. No way no how. I never knew it could do this as I was a perfectly normal person before.

Suicide is not an option for me either but literally sometimes the thought gets so daunting and obsessive, I just feel nuts. I cant imagine living like this for much longer. I'm hoping it gets better soon.