View Full Version : Driving myself and my family crazy!!! :(
12-01-2005, 02:50 PM
I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder a few years ago, but I thought I had it under control...
I have been going through a hell of a time. First I start this really awesome job as an animator. I was pretty happy with the work and many of the folks were nice. However, there are a few people there who do not want me there, because I "take all the creative work away from them," and they even said so to my face.
At first I felt it was no big deal. You can't force people to like you and there will always be insecure wieners in the world. I tried really hard to be nice and buckled down into my work.
Then, something weird happened. One day someone kept banging into my cubicle. I thought it was maybe somebody moving furniture at first, but at the end of the day I took off my earphones and "BAM!" Someone very deliberately PUNCHED my cube. Then I heard two women giggling and one whispering to the other "you are SUCH a bitch."
I immediately ran out to see what was going on, but they had taken off. The secretary claimed she didn't see who did it (even though she sits right in front of my cube and I can't see how she missed it) but she gave me two names of women who walked by at that point.
I was really shaken up and made the mistake in confiding with a coworker (I didn't give names). That coworker took it upon herself to report what happened to management the next day. What followed was a fiasco of me being questioned by 3 different department managers. They claimed to have reported it to HR, but I never got to speak with anyone in HR or file a report.
Well, after that point a certain person (not one of the people the secretary named, but she and this person are best buddies) has been very nasty to me. She uses a very hostile tone when she talks to me and whispers nasty things about me right by my cube.
To make matters worse, I started getting artheritis in my entire body--except for my back. This is especially painful when I drive on a regular basis (my job is over an hour away). I'm also lactating for no reason (not pregnant), and waking up with a numb face. I have been having memory loss, uber mood swings (like continuous PMS), and difficulty concentrating.
The other day I was trying to go to a store, but somehow ended up at home. I've seen 2 different doctors (family & rheumatologist) and will be seeing 2 more (gynocologist & neurologist). I had an MRI for a pituitary gland tumor, but nothing showed up and my bloodwork is clean, too.
Can these health problems be symptomatic of anxiety? Could I be doing this to myself from worrying too much?
It is very frusterating the doctors aren't finding what's wrong and I'm beginning to think I'm just a lunatic. I can't stand this at all! I feel like crap and I'm driving my poor husband insane. Should I look into meds?
12-01-2005, 07:17 PM
firstly, sorry to hear of your troubles at work - it sounds like you have a number of complete bastards to put up with. although i suggest you just concentrate on your work (let your skills speak for themselves) and don't investigate the pettiness that surrounds yourself - leave that to HR but ensure it's stuff you can prove. it's going to be difficult but i'd just keep those headphones on and continue with work.
you've already realised that asking others about stuff doesn't support your cause because they are on better terms with the twats that are actually doing it. ignore them the best you can (reacting the way you have makes them feel 'winners') or, as i'm a bit of a bastard myself (shut up Dan..), snigger when you experience such crap - it will annoy the hell out of them.
the point is that you should portray yourself as 'above' them regardless if you feel the opposite. you've 'taken' work from them for a reason and that is because they've failed. i've been the loser in many a conflict but, because of the way i portrayed myself, the aggressor themselves felt like the losers.
there is nothing more annoying than someone acting in a way to purely piss you off but not breaking any rules (hence, you don't have the ability to report them.) do the same back, snuff at their feeble efforts.
on the health front, a healthy mind helps a healthy body but there is no direct link between the two. meds may be a consideration but i'd suggest to try without unless the situation becomes unbearable. eitherway, i strongly suggest that any meds should be taken along with additional therapy and not as a therapy in itself.
12-02-2005, 02:38 AM
Its hard to do at first. But laugh it up. Realize that these are very very childish acts. What kind of grown person hits a cubicle? Might as well have tapped you on your right shoulder and moved to the left....thats fucking ridiculous :lol: .
When at work, keep it kool. If i wasnt at work and someone was purposely tryed to annoy me, i would knock the shit out of them, but thats just me....violence keeps me healthy...if not....i would be a very frustrated person...and its kool though, bekause i have not had any trouble with that nor have i vented in a way that i harm those that are not meant to be harmed.....just those bastards that deserve it...sorry that doesnt help.....but yeah realize how fucking stupid they are...
12-02-2005, 09:43 AM
What kind of grown person hits a cubicle? Might as well have tapped you on your right shoulder and moved to the left....
hah! it's almost unbelievable eh? in fact, match them, print a 'target' and pin it to the other side of the cubicle; hide a prawn or some other sealife around their desk so it can rot; get someone to make a false appointment for them; poo on their dinner.
okay, maybe not the last one but Anxiety Disorder isn't funny and adults (as your co-workers are supposed to be) should know and act better.
even if you weren't a sufferer this is no way to be treated, but the best method is to beat them at their own game. this, most importantly, means not being outwardly affected by their childish behaviour.
you are bigger than this, stronger than this and will grow with this.
12-02-2005, 12:16 PM
Thanks for the support, all.
I am feeling much better (mentally) today. Having a good cry can do wonders--even if it's an all-day cry.
Most of my gripes are silly, because I'm not even at the job right now. I've been on "health leave" for almost 2 weeks for the joint pain. I will be calling my agent next week, because hopefully I will have news to tell her about the health stuff.
I will be quitting that job, though. Games and spite are fun, but it gets old and I think starting a new job like that is bad luck. It's not just the coworkers either--it's a management issue.
IOW, this is a situation where I don't care about the jerks "winning" or "losing," because I know either way it's a no-win situation for me.
The bullying at this company's department has existed there for years. I'm not the first person, and I won't be the last. There are others there who walk around with haunted looks in their faces, because they are tormented by these assholes and have exhausted their resources trying to stop it. I will not become one of those people.
Anyhow, I was second-guessing myself a lot yesterday, and I really shouldn't have been. I know me... I'm 30 years old, been to hell and back many times, and have never had joint pain all over my body like this (or other weird health crap). I don't think this health stuff is anxiety...though the anxiety ain't helping. :)
Anyhow, a big part of why I was upset yesterday was I just came home from seeing a rheumatologist (dr. referral), and he was a pompous ass. I've been seeing him for a month for this joint pain, but he's been worthless. He seems more interested in treating the symptoms than finding the cause. It's pissing me off because it's getting worse and has become very painful to drive.
Other weird stuff is happeng too...scary stuff like memory loss, waking up to my face being numb, and I have been lactating (no I'm not preggers). Last week, I went to drive to a store one day but somehow ended up home and was vacuuming instead. I remember turning into the store parking lot, but I have no memory of what happened after that. I don't know if I parked or went in... I didn't come back with anything. I don't even remember coming to my house or getting out of my car. I could have gone out and killled someone and not remembered. This has NEVER happened to me before!
Anyhow, I tried to talk to the rheumatologist about this and asked if it was possible that I have Lyme. 2 people in my area got diagnosed even though their tests were neg and the antibiotics helped. Also, two of our dogs have it.
Well, he got really freaky defensive and yelled at me, and I was very careful not to sound like i was second-guessing him or self-diagnosing. I didn't ask to be treated for Lyme nor did I say I thought I had it. I just asked a question.
He asked what I did for a living. When I told him I was an animator, he asked in a snotty tone. "Oh what's that? Is there even a demand for that."
Then he went on to make a big f'n deal about how "normal" my bloodwork looks (except for a few signs of infections) and how things can take months to solve. He wanted to see my joints get worse before doing anything.
Finally, I said, "for the 10th time! This is not just joint pain!" Then I reexplained the other crap I'm going through. The lactation, the spaciness, the seeing things, and the numbness. Anyhow, he said it sounded like a neurological issue which would explain a few things like why my blood tests appeared normal.
All this crap made me second guess myself. I do have anxiety disorder, but this thing isn't anxiet. Part of me yesterday wished it was, cuz then I could just make it go away by working on my attitude.
But this thing is something else and it scares me. I just wish I knew what the hell is going on with my body and I wish it wasn't going on with the crap at work.
Part of my world feels like it's collapsing, and I'm getting really tired of this emotional roller coaster ride.
12-02-2005, 12:28 PM
What kind of grown person hits a cubicle? Might as well have tapped you on your right shoulder and moved to the left....
hah! it's almost unbelievable eh? .
LOL! I couldn't believe it myself. I was in shock the rest of the evening.
It is really funny...unless you are stuck in the middle of it.
The people doing it are little untalented weiners who have serious personal issues. I think the company didn't need to hire another animator as they have plenty of cartoon characters. :)
Never met anyone like them (thank f'n god).
One of these freaks wears a huge rock on her finger. I made the mistake on congratulating her on her engagement (I just got married so I'm excited for other women who go through it).
Her response was to roll her eyes and say "Oh, I've been 'engaged' for over 5 years. He's still has bills to pay off, and I'm waiting for him to get his shit together."
Her exact words!
Anyhow, I'd love to tell them all to go f' off, but I'd rather not waste the energy.
I can at least say I've gained enough career experience to help me find another job. :)
Thank you for the awesome advice and making me remember to laugh. :D
12-02-2005, 02:20 PM
none of what you said are either gripes or silly when suffering from anxiety disorder.
it sounds like the company you work/worked for has a real problem - i'd love to be there as i enjoy being a real arsehole when necessary.
what is concerning is that you have a total goober for a doctor (Dr Referral - what kind of name is that? .. ok, that was a joke..) how dare he yell at you, i'd - well you'd probably not want to hear what my reaction would be..
due to my disorder and meds i find myself an easy target for illness and suffer from fatigue or total lack of desire. i complain of being ill etc a lot and need to lay down but it is more a mental problem than anything else - where as you have described physical symptoms.
you need these to be sorted and if that means changing doctors then so be it (or involves punching your current MD in the face - either is good..)
of course it may not be anxiety but it has been known that the disorder can generate feelings of unreality and memory loss. you need this to be checked out though - as some of the experiences you've mentioned sound alarming.
eitherway, with a compassionate and knowledgeble doctor, i'm sure everything will be ok.
01-02-2006, 01:14 AM
I worked as a cinematic animator at a game company in Dallas, Texas my first year out of school. Simply put, it was an awful experience. Everyone had low morale and were extremely un-helpful in terms of getting me up to speed on the production pipeline and technology I had to learn. It felt as if they wanted me to fail. By the end of the year I was behind schedule and much to my self-loathing, replaced working out with drinking and smoking.
The reason I bring it up is that I have some questions for Auburn and everyone else in general:
1. Auburn, why did you choose Animation? Do you think the social anxiety might have something to do with it, given that it IS a reclusive job and that it requires a person with a certain type of sensitivity?
2. To everyone else, I've been thinking about why It took me so long to learn the production pipeline/technology when other's around me seemed to be just fine with it. Could it be that social anxiety was holding me back? I remember always being tense at work, even though I tried to maintain an image of having it together. I worked crazy hours to meet the schedule and failed miserably.
As for your situation Auburn, the actions of your co-workers don't surprise me. I've met all sorts of real jerks in my profession.
One day at the sweatshop, I turned on my computer only to see someone had put up porn on the screensaver and background wallpaper. Lo and behold my production manager showed up right behind me in the next minute to ask me about my work. I don't know if he saw it or not because I quickly shut down the whole system by hitting the surge compressor off button with my foot.
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