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View Full Version : Hypochondria gone, "real" problems making me depressed



MidM3d
06-21-2014, 08:40 PM
Earlier this year, I was suffering from hypochondria. Long story short, I had this great fear of dying everytime I showed small symptoms of a major disease (such as cancer). This could be due to the fact that 2 people I knew died this year and I feared that I could’ve been next. I am grateful that this problem is somewhat over, though it could come back later on.

Now, I have to deal with the real issues. What’s making me depressed and anxious is my future. This is due to my mediocre grades.
I am a 22 year-old university student studying accounting at an average-ranked university in Canada. After a bachelor’s degree, most accounting graduates strive for a designation called the CPA. To get into the CPA school, applicants must get a global GPA of 3 (though the average GPA of selected candidates is a 3.4), and they must get at least B- in many courses throughout their degrees, which includes very difficult classes.

So far, I am halfway done in my program. My GPA is a 3.04, but I did not get a B- in a few of the required . In addition, I do have a failure on my transcript, and might get a second one after my exam on Monday.
I am currently enrolled in a summer class. The class is about Canadian taxes, and it is required for me to get a B-. I did do this class in the Winter term, but I dropped it halfway through the semester because I had developed bad anxiety and it was to much for me to bare. I am heading into this exam with a 53% average and the final exam is worth 55%; I’m really not prepared.

To make matters worse, classes are only going to be harder and my GPA is going to go down drastically. I am really worried about my future and I’m depressed these days. I don’t have much job experience, my parents pay for my tuition and they don’t know about my bad grades, and I feel really bad that they are wasting money for me. Furthermore, although my dad is in one of these highest tax brackets (my mom doesn’t work), he often complains about money nowadays. He recently borrowed $6,000 from my sister who works as a part-time teller. My parents often pressure me to do an internship but given my very little job experience and a few bad grades in accounting classes, I doubt anybody will take me.

How do I turn my life around? What can I do to dig myself out of the hole I created and hopefully get into a CPA program? What can I do to relieve this sadness?

Ankhsious
06-22-2014, 08:30 AM
CA, CPA, CGA, CMA, clerk whatever. I think you know that true happiness does not depend on which of these you obtain.

Nor would I say that you should abandon your ambition for any particular achievement.

Imagine you are a monkey with your face pressed against the cage wall trying to reach some bananas outside the cage. You are injuring yourself in the process because you REALLY want those bananas. So much that you don't notice that behind you the cage door is open and you can walk out and around and get the bananas.

Point is that a 'panic' approach to solving life's problems doesn't produce the best results and in fact often IS the cause of suboptimal results.

You and I also need to lower the GRAVITY of an outcome being this or that. It's REALLY HARD to do when the entire world stimulus trains us to be about outcome. Ask yourself if you can give yourself permission to love yourself unconditionally. Maybe start with like and try to grow it.

The good news is a combination of therapy and meditation practice can help both with removing your face from the cage wall and with self love.