Out and feeling anxious

[rusticnrg]

I am out with my hubby, he is in a band and has a gig. I have been hyped up all day since I had a lot to do. Grocery shopping etc. Stomach was in knots all day. Came home and meditated for thirty minutes to calm down. Came out of it relaxed and neutral. Started freaking out because of this... ugh why. I am so anxious right now, feel I am on the verge of a panic attack. I have been looking forward to this gig all week. A night out without the kids. I just want to enjoy myself...

[Im-Suffering]

I am out with my hubby, he is in a band and has a gig. I have been hyped up all day since I had a lot to do. Grocery shopping etc. Stomach was in knots all day. Came home and meditated for thirty minutes to calm down. Came out of it relaxed and neutral. Started freaking out because of this... ugh why. I am so anxious right now, feel I am on the verge of a panic attack. I have been looking forward to this gig all week. A night out without the kids. I just want to enjoy myself...

Too late for this time, between this gig and next outside adventure, you may want ot examine the statement i bolded above. At present you are not allowed to enjoy yourself (with your husband), no matter the amount of meditation.

Now, it may be attached to him, your ability to feel happy, or it may not. If not, then generally speaking you may have lost your identity without your camoflouge, the kids, friends. It feels tied in to insecurities, self worth, either way the answer is consciously available, if you actually turn about and face it, because its all about you.

With more information i can offer more, but this is good enough to start.

[rusticnrg]

I cannot see which statement you bolded... and wow! Did you just jump into my mind? My hubby and I have been having problems in out marriage and are facing the decision of whether to divorce or not. As you see a night out for us is me sitting in a corner watching him up on stage. We have son with autism as well so unusual sit here worried that I the sitter will call. So yes I do feel out of sorts and I have no idea who I am...

[rusticnrg]

Too late for this time, between this gig and next outside adventure, you may want ot examine the statement i bolded above. At present you are not allowed to enjoy yourself (with your husband), no matter the amount of meditation.

Now, it may be attached to him, your ability to feel happy, or it may not. If not, then generally speaking you may have lost your identity without your camoflouge, the kids, friends. It feels tied in to insecurities, self worth, either way the answer is consciously available, if you actually turn about and face it, because its all about you.

With more information i can offer more, but this is good enough to start.

I cannot see which statement you bolded... and wow! Did you just jump into my mind? My hubby and I have been having problems in out marriage and are facing the decision of whether to divorce or not. As you see a night out for us is me sitting in a corner watching him up on stage. We have son with autism as well so unusual sit here worried that I the sitter will call. So yes I do feel out of sorts and I have no idea who I am...

[Im-Suffering]

I cannot see which statement you bolded... and wow! Did you just jump into my mind? My hubby and I have been having problems in out marriage and are facing the decision of whether to divorce or not. As you see a night out for us is me sitting in a corner watching him up on stage. We have son with autism as well so unusual sit here worried that I the sitter will call. So yes I do feel out of sorts and I have no idea who I am...

I read you, yes. Call it a reading. In regards to who you are, in moments of clarity you know. Look for those emotions/feelings that make you smile/feel good. It does no good to lie to yourself, for intuitively you know the truth.and that conflict will tear you up. You are not ever meant to feel badly about yourself, for there you will find your false beliefs.

In marriage you have felt powerless, especially in the face of the autism. Your husband cannot relate to the disability, and this has negative effects including some disattachment, while you are truly invested.The family dynamics one to the other have built resentment. It is especially difficult because this is not your first sojourn with this man. Do not leave off this time with resentment or guilt, it is not the staying together, but the feelings you carry forth. Should you seperate, leave in peace, with love, understanding, empathy, and good will. Release the hurts and pain. Find the trauma from earlier in life and heal that little girl as well. For these troubles are with our thoughts, you see. And that dates back.

Attraction has brought you all together again, so this is a do over. Better to resolve the emotions now, than do it over. You get what you dont want, and the hate draws that unto you. Your son is a very strong personality thats serves as the catalyst to nudge the probabilities a certain way. Sacrificing certain aspects of his psyche, you see to help you all move along, his gift to you both. Get to a neutral state, and you can move on without drawing to you the need for a repeat.

This is all for now, the information you need is consciously available, go within, into the frightful feelings, the answer is in them.

[rusticnrg]

I read you, yes. Call it a reading. In regards to who you are, in moments of clarity you know. Look for those emotions/feelings that make you smile/feel good. It does no good to lie to yourself, for intuitively you know the truth.and that conflict will tear you up. You are not ever meant to feel badly about yourself, for there you will find your false beliefs.

In marraige you have felt powerless, especially in the face of the autism. Your husband cannot relate to the disability, and this has negetive results including some disattachment, while you are truly invested.The family dynamics have built resentment between you and your husband. One cannot run from their truth, which manifests in your case as anxiety.

This is all for now, the information you need is consciously available, go within, into the frightful feelings, the answer is in there.

You sound like my therapist...are you? Lol. Anyway, thank you. I think I know what I need to do just have to find the courage...

[rusticnrg]

I don't know why it keeps double posting

[Im-Suffering]

I don't know why it keeps double posting

I added some to my post, reread it, the information kept coming ! But thats all for now.

You can click edit and delete the double posts if you wish.

[rusticnrg]

I added some to my post, reread it, the information kept coming ! But thats all for now.

You can click edit and delete the double posts if you wish.

What yoy say really makes sense and I know that, have known it. And yes the issue lies in my childhood. I lost my mother a year ago and I found myself lost and undefined. I am the oldest and always had to be the caretaker, letting someone else define me. With her gone, I had no idea who I really am. The choices I have made in my life were always for somebody else and... well you know the rest. it seems when I make a choice for myself, it is a bad choice or not socially acceptable