Suicidal in the AM, fine in the PM

[SA_Jim]

So for the past few months I've been able to fall asleep but I wake up at 4:00am and lay awake til 5:00am. I fall back asleep (kinda) but from the time I get out of bed until about noon I'm VERY anxious and suicidal. I'm overwhelmed by everything. Then as if someone flipped a switch, I can feel my head relax, my sinuses open up and all of the sudden I'm fine. Its like my entire head swells or becomes inflamed during the night then like magic it dissipates. Happens pretty much every day.

I've seen 3 psychiatrists, 2 nurse practitioners, 2 general practitioners and three counselors.

They either have no clue or diagnose me as bipolar. I am not bipolar, I work with bipolar people and I don't know what I am, but that aint it.

Benzo's and SSRI's have zero effect on this. I'm currently on no medications.

Can anyone give me some insight?

Thanks in advance.

[Anne1221]

Do you think it could be this? (It happens to me). In the morning I'm unfocused and so I feel very anxious. Then, as I start getting into the day, and can concentrate on what is going on, instead of just worrying about everything, I calm down. You could see a sleep doctor or an ENT to get more insight.

[SA_Jim]

It happens before I wake up, I wake up with what almost feels like a migraine with the pressure but not as painful. The anxiety seems to be a symptom of whatever is causing the inflammation in my head. I went to a Neurologist as well and she said that she had never seen anything like it.

[Im-Suffering]

So for the past few months I've been able to fall asleep but I wake up at 4:00am and lay awake til 5:00am. I fall back asleep (kinda) but from the time I get out of bed until about noon I'm VERY anxious and suicidal. Im generally rigid and inflexable. I must have life on my terms, period, anything else is unacceptable, but somehow i am unable to create this life.

I feel resentment, self hatred, weak, and i have no confidence anymore that all will just be ok, so I'm overwhelmed by everything, and it all needs to be done perfectly, period. Not a dam hair out of place. Then as if someone flipped a switch, I can feel my head relax, my sinuses open up and all of the sudden I'm fine. Its like my entire head swells or becomes inflamed during the night then like magic it dissipates. I feel like its all their fault that im so anxious, because noone gets me, do you understand?Happens pretty much every day but the worst part is i cant even talk about it, like im crazy!. The morning time is in my terms when the world awakens and readies for the (work) day, lots of energy, activity, i cant stand the happy, content people when i feel so badly about myself, and in the morning i feel i should be doing something productive, along with them. I cant get myself to act ! Not to my lofty ideals and standards anyhow!

Luckily as the day goes on, i feel the world slow, so my urges relax. I feel so disappointed though in myself, i should be, i could be, the world is not the way i demand it to be, and im angry ! But i dont express it, i keep it inside festering, i feel stuck!

I've seen 3 psychiatrists, 2 nurse practitioners, 2 general practitioners and three counselors. No one cares enough to help me ! They dont even understand me! Thank goodness when the world is closing for another day, the pressure is off me to do all these things, must i take care of everything myself, all the time? But its on my terms or nothing, whatever i do, or i promise you, ill kick the bucket do you understand? Thatll show you, the world. Screw you!

They either have no clue or diagnose me as bipolar. I am not bipolar, I work with bipolar people and I don't know what I am, but that aint it. Ugg...i feel so repressed, i need a release, an escape, maybe suicide? I just cant live up to my parents beliefs, even though im grown now, im not a child! They dont get it, how can i be more productive, when im so overwhelmed? Im so conflicted! Ive got duel belief systems and they are pulling me apart!

Benzo's and SSRI's have zero effect on this. I'm currently on no medications.

Can anyone show me my beliefs about my life, so i can learn to change the ones triggering emotions that just dont make me feel good? Can anyone show me how to ease up my rigidity and accept life on its own terms? To be a little flexible, or fluid? Im just so tired of the fight. (Internal struggle), easing up a bit, maybe would release this dam pressure in my head, the pent up repressed emotions must need some sort of release, right?

Thanks in advance. Im really just a normal guy with all these conditioned beliefs in my head, im running on auto pilot and i hadnt noticed it until today. I also hadnt realized my emotions were playing all sorts of havoc on my body, fooling me into trips to doctors, when all i need is to about face and look in the mirror.

Original post fixed (edited) to reflect emotional accuracy and insight into who you are. Theres much more, but this is enough of a start to shake up your thoughts a bit.

[Mr.Andrew]

It happens before I wake up, I wake up with what almost feels like a migraine with the pressure but not as painful. The anxiety seems to be a symptom of whatever is causing the inflammation in my head. I went to a Neurologist as well and she said that she had never seen anything like it.

Depression and anxiety has a tendency to be worst in the morning, but if the symptoms are really as rhythmic and predictable as you claim, then there is definitely something going on. Check into circadian rhythm disorders, maybe abnormal seizure disorder, cluster headache, hormone disorders. Maybe find out what part of the brain controls the sinus symtoms. I don't know what to tell you; but it sounds like your going to have to think outside the box.

[Anne1221]

Well, I can't even tell if you have a psychological problem or a physical one but it sounds like you're saying you have a physical problem that is creating a psychological one. If so, see another neurologist and find a doctor that can help you get to the bottom of this. I've had to go to multiple doctors until I found one that was knowledgeable in the area I needed.

[PanicCured]

If anyone needs this you should call anytime you are feeling suicidal. This is for the US but you can Google for the one in your country:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255

So much life to live, so many fun and interesting things one can do on his planet. Treasure each day and try to make every second count. It will end one day for all of us anyway, so may as well extend it for as long as possible and try to do all this planet and life has to offer. There is love surronding you always even of you can't see it.

[rachach]

I had a weird rhythm like this last year when I was at my worst. I'd wake up extremely depressed and hating getting out of bed and sick to my stomach. Like clockwork at 4 am my stomach would hurt so bad I'd just sit in the shower crying and drinking pepto bismal. Around noon that would subside and my mood would be a little better then around 3 in the afternoon I was just about happy til the late evening I'd be kind of blah. I so appreciated those comfortable afternoons. What I found helped was taking a walk around the neighborhood when I first got up. I felt like I literally just had to get my serotonin levels up. Sometimes I had to walk for a full half hour before I'd start to feel something, but it did help. I'm on prozac (florexetine) now and that seems to have helped tremendously.

[nf1234]

I would bet money it is your blood sugar. Same thing happens to me. Try eating something when you feel like that and see if it helps.