kotoba
06-12-2014, 12:47 PM
Alright so if you've been here a while you'll notice I'm not an active user and just come here every other week to update people. It's really that I want to put down in words how I'm feeling and get it out there.
So I'm 17, I'm from England. I suffer pretty severe anxiety. Not the kind where you would go to a place and feel uncomfortable and have an attack although I was like that about 5 weeks ago.
I suffer from a fairly unique anxiety symptom.
Just 7 weeks ago I had no idea what the word anxiety meant but now I'm more than familiar with it.
I go through fazes of suffering depression, in fact, 90% of the day I'm depressed but just don't focus on it.
I suffer from derealization and not only this but another symptom which I have googled and googled on end to find no hope. Which does in fact worry me.
I feel like a click in my head. And then I think "that wasn't nice" and then I'm focussed on that feeling at the time and how it felt and then I induce a lot of head pressure upon myself and just typing it I'm focussing on these crazy head sensations I'm feeling. Basically it feels like I have a brain tumour and is extremely scary. Although I can ignore this and think of something else and it will go away fairly soon I can also remember it at any point in the day as it's always in my mind. I'm thinking "how is my head feeling now?" ... I don't want to wake up one day and I'm completely disabled or one day I just faint and wake up with some sort of syndrome.
I want my normal 17 year old life back! I hate this and I feel like the more I understand about it the worse it gets.
I have a therapy appointment booked for the 23rd. Not this monday but the monday afterwards.
My therapist is Jade, I haven't spoken or seen her yet so I've no impression to make of the whole thing but I feel as though I don't need therapy! I need some brain treatment.
Right now as I type this I'm constantly putting my hand on my forehead as I need to give myself a break from typing because it feels like I'm thinking too much.
Earlier today when I was with my friends they were speaking together and I was just observing. I began thinking "Wait. WTF is going on. This is my life. These feelings of unrealness and head pains... this shit is real! .. This is actually me now!" .. And I felt my heart beat speed increase and that's when I managed to be like "You're going to have an anxiety attack infront of your friends.. keep it together, worry about it later". And although I felt like complete shit I managed to avoid having any attack...
I've not had an attack for about 3 weeks now. It's as though i've learnt to control them... Trust me, that doesn't mean I'm out of this.. Ok great I've not had a shaking fit or anything of a sort... But I still feel completely broken.
I don't know what to do anymore... I'm just going to sit and wait for the therapy... I'll update again at a later date.. Some reassurance of these brain pressured sharp stinging pains though would be extremely appreciated... I can't stop thinking how this could have happened.. I've been perfectly normal for 17 years of my life... What have i become. I don't know who i am anymore.
So I'm 17, I'm from England. I suffer pretty severe anxiety. Not the kind where you would go to a place and feel uncomfortable and have an attack although I was like that about 5 weeks ago.
I suffer from a fairly unique anxiety symptom.
Just 7 weeks ago I had no idea what the word anxiety meant but now I'm more than familiar with it.
I go through fazes of suffering depression, in fact, 90% of the day I'm depressed but just don't focus on it.
I suffer from derealization and not only this but another symptom which I have googled and googled on end to find no hope. Which does in fact worry me.
I feel like a click in my head. And then I think "that wasn't nice" and then I'm focussed on that feeling at the time and how it felt and then I induce a lot of head pressure upon myself and just typing it I'm focussing on these crazy head sensations I'm feeling. Basically it feels like I have a brain tumour and is extremely scary. Although I can ignore this and think of something else and it will go away fairly soon I can also remember it at any point in the day as it's always in my mind. I'm thinking "how is my head feeling now?" ... I don't want to wake up one day and I'm completely disabled or one day I just faint and wake up with some sort of syndrome.
I want my normal 17 year old life back! I hate this and I feel like the more I understand about it the worse it gets.
I have a therapy appointment booked for the 23rd. Not this monday but the monday afterwards.
My therapist is Jade, I haven't spoken or seen her yet so I've no impression to make of the whole thing but I feel as though I don't need therapy! I need some brain treatment.
Right now as I type this I'm constantly putting my hand on my forehead as I need to give myself a break from typing because it feels like I'm thinking too much.
Earlier today when I was with my friends they were speaking together and I was just observing. I began thinking "Wait. WTF is going on. This is my life. These feelings of unrealness and head pains... this shit is real! .. This is actually me now!" .. And I felt my heart beat speed increase and that's when I managed to be like "You're going to have an anxiety attack infront of your friends.. keep it together, worry about it later". And although I felt like complete shit I managed to avoid having any attack...
I've not had an attack for about 3 weeks now. It's as though i've learnt to control them... Trust me, that doesn't mean I'm out of this.. Ok great I've not had a shaking fit or anything of a sort... But I still feel completely broken.
I don't know what to do anymore... I'm just going to sit and wait for the therapy... I'll update again at a later date.. Some reassurance of these brain pressured sharp stinging pains though would be extremely appreciated... I can't stop thinking how this could have happened.. I've been perfectly normal for 17 years of my life... What have i become. I don't know who i am anymore.