electriq
06-12-2014, 01:01 PM
Hy, I'm 24. I'm new here and point straight to whats causing a piece of my depression.
I work as a security guard. Because of that my sleeping pattern is messed up. This job is like jail with sleep deprivation, it's based on a 8day work, 8 day home routine. Means-8 days off securing the location in shifts every 4 hours. After that you have 8 working days (mon-fri) free, makes with weekends 10 days. So I have a lot of free time.
My mom works hard too, with both our salaries we have enough to cover our bills and groceries from month to month. I live in Bosnia, where the unemployed margin lies at 70%, so finding a new better job is extreme uber heavy. I feel to stupid to do something else anyway, my face is stupid too, so how can I do something serious? The salaries are super low, whilst the prices of groceries and other things are the same as in Germany where the living standard is 5x better.
Because of that I dived into the world of the Internet and I try to learn designing web sites to earn some money. But I learn slow, and I'm not really smart. My moms job is hard, so I try to figure a way out to create some income, maybe then she can quit and be home and rest (I don't think she would accept that anyways). That's not the only reason, I just try to earn money. I remember hard times, no electricity, no food and depending from Gods help and family help.
Here's the thing, I force myself to like web designing and coding and try to learn it, but my stupidity terminates my will. Means the learning process takes ages, in other hand I really like it till I confront something I don't understand, try to fix bugs or something similar. Looking at that wall of code after some time makes me hate it. Forcing to like something and create something I'm not capable of makes me losing my will for anything. I thought about writing blogs and pasting some ads, but my english isn't the best, and even if I could I would lose will again. I'm super lazy, not only physicaly but mentally.
Now everything that I do on my PC feels like wasting time.
I can't do anything else at home except sitting in front of my PC. I don't look TV and I don't go out. I don't have any friends so...
Wasting time on my PC eats me from inside because I feel like I should do something that brings some money. Here the infinity circle begins to spin. Going out for a walk, playing sport, playing games for fun feels like wasting time instead of earning money.
And yeah, I don't know what I want in my life, feel like a scumbag useless to everyone.
I work as a security guard. Because of that my sleeping pattern is messed up. This job is like jail with sleep deprivation, it's based on a 8day work, 8 day home routine. Means-8 days off securing the location in shifts every 4 hours. After that you have 8 working days (mon-fri) free, makes with weekends 10 days. So I have a lot of free time.
My mom works hard too, with both our salaries we have enough to cover our bills and groceries from month to month. I live in Bosnia, where the unemployed margin lies at 70%, so finding a new better job is extreme uber heavy. I feel to stupid to do something else anyway, my face is stupid too, so how can I do something serious? The salaries are super low, whilst the prices of groceries and other things are the same as in Germany where the living standard is 5x better.
Because of that I dived into the world of the Internet and I try to learn designing web sites to earn some money. But I learn slow, and I'm not really smart. My moms job is hard, so I try to figure a way out to create some income, maybe then she can quit and be home and rest (I don't think she would accept that anyways). That's not the only reason, I just try to earn money. I remember hard times, no electricity, no food and depending from Gods help and family help.
Here's the thing, I force myself to like web designing and coding and try to learn it, but my stupidity terminates my will. Means the learning process takes ages, in other hand I really like it till I confront something I don't understand, try to fix bugs or something similar. Looking at that wall of code after some time makes me hate it. Forcing to like something and create something I'm not capable of makes me losing my will for anything. I thought about writing blogs and pasting some ads, but my english isn't the best, and even if I could I would lose will again. I'm super lazy, not only physicaly but mentally.
Now everything that I do on my PC feels like wasting time.
I can't do anything else at home except sitting in front of my PC. I don't look TV and I don't go out. I don't have any friends so...
Wasting time on my PC eats me from inside because I feel like I should do something that brings some money. Here the infinity circle begins to spin. Going out for a walk, playing sport, playing games for fun feels like wasting time instead of earning money.
And yeah, I don't know what I want in my life, feel like a scumbag useless to everyone.