dmacsully
06-09-2014, 03:42 AM
People scare me. That's the easiest way for me to say how I feel. I work as a freelance writer, so I get to work from the comfort of my own home, but I have to work up my nerve to write a proposal for a new client. Then with each submission I usually have to work up my nerve to send in my articles or ask questions. After I submit my work I am always nervous until I hear back all the while secretly praying I don't hear anything at all. Like right now I really need to ask an editor about an assignment but I don't want to because I'm afraid. But I have a bigger problem than my professional life.
My husband (of over 13 years) and I got into another fight about this yesterday. I am content to be at home. I have little interest in making or maintaining friends. I have very little interest in anything anymore aside from making sure my son and husband are happy. When they aren't I feel like a failure in every way. I've tried therapy, granted it wasn't for very long because even that was hard. My therapist had been setting up the appointments and she didn't make the next appointment for me and I just haven't made one since. It's been almost 2 months. I want to make my husband happy by going through therapy and fixing this but part of me just doesn't care anymore. If it was left up to just me, I'd never go back. He's never threatened to leave me over this but I am so afraid that's what will happen and I don't want to lose him.
I've never been a social butterfly. People have always intimidated me. I've never had more than two or three friends at a time, and never wanted more than that. When I was in school, I seldom did the whole sleep over thing and never at any huge slumber-parties. But even though I didn't have a desire for friends, I still had interests and hobbies. Lately I don't even have that. I can't even tell my husband what I want for my birthday later this week. Right now I don't even want dinner out and I don't know how to tell him that. I know if I do that we will probably end up in another fight. I am so lost right now. I don't know what to do.
My husband (of over 13 years) and I got into another fight about this yesterday. I am content to be at home. I have little interest in making or maintaining friends. I have very little interest in anything anymore aside from making sure my son and husband are happy. When they aren't I feel like a failure in every way. I've tried therapy, granted it wasn't for very long because even that was hard. My therapist had been setting up the appointments and she didn't make the next appointment for me and I just haven't made one since. It's been almost 2 months. I want to make my husband happy by going through therapy and fixing this but part of me just doesn't care anymore. If it was left up to just me, I'd never go back. He's never threatened to leave me over this but I am so afraid that's what will happen and I don't want to lose him.
I've never been a social butterfly. People have always intimidated me. I've never had more than two or three friends at a time, and never wanted more than that. When I was in school, I seldom did the whole sleep over thing and never at any huge slumber-parties. But even though I didn't have a desire for friends, I still had interests and hobbies. Lately I don't even have that. I can't even tell my husband what I want for my birthday later this week. Right now I don't even want dinner out and I don't know how to tell him that. I know if I do that we will probably end up in another fight. I am so lost right now. I don't know what to do.