reinventmyself
06-08-2014, 11:14 AM
My anxiety began at the end of a bad marriage. My sons were independent and my ex H was controlling and I found myself isolated and alone.
Divorced and years later with a couple of broken relationships I am sitting here assessing my life and the decisions I made that were motivated by anxiety.
I see my fear/anxiety of being alone has brought me to make bad choices in men and caused me to stay longer than I should just to avoid the debilitating anxiety I knew would be waiting for me on the other side.
I have spent some time on my own and made some strides but never really seem to make it to the other side.
I am currently in therapy, on meds and I am fortunate to have friends and a decent social life. But lets face it, I can't keep running from myself and they can't hold my hand 24/7 Besides I think I may scare them with my neediness.
It's shaming to feel so dependent to be this way and I can't seem to get a handle on it.
I have a hard time doing just basic self care things such as laundry, sweeping my patio because it's mindless chores and I end up in my head obsessing.
I end up back on the couch curled up in ball trying to escape through my tv or computer and not getting anything accomplished.
I have worked at this for 15 years now and don't seem to get ahead of it. The only time I am not anxious is when I am in a relationship. I am lurking on internet dating websites looking for my next fix and that in itself gives me anxiety knowing that I am not in good place to make a sound choice.
Ugh. . well now, there's the ugly honest truth.
Hopefully someone experiences the same thing and we can be of some support to each other.
Has anyone tried hypnotism?
Can't think of anything I've wanted more than to get this monkey off my back.
Thanks for the space!
Divorced and years later with a couple of broken relationships I am sitting here assessing my life and the decisions I made that were motivated by anxiety.
I see my fear/anxiety of being alone has brought me to make bad choices in men and caused me to stay longer than I should just to avoid the debilitating anxiety I knew would be waiting for me on the other side.
I have spent some time on my own and made some strides but never really seem to make it to the other side.
I am currently in therapy, on meds and I am fortunate to have friends and a decent social life. But lets face it, I can't keep running from myself and they can't hold my hand 24/7 Besides I think I may scare them with my neediness.
It's shaming to feel so dependent to be this way and I can't seem to get a handle on it.
I have a hard time doing just basic self care things such as laundry, sweeping my patio because it's mindless chores and I end up in my head obsessing.
I end up back on the couch curled up in ball trying to escape through my tv or computer and not getting anything accomplished.
I have worked at this for 15 years now and don't seem to get ahead of it. The only time I am not anxious is when I am in a relationship. I am lurking on internet dating websites looking for my next fix and that in itself gives me anxiety knowing that I am not in good place to make a sound choice.
Ugh. . well now, there's the ugly honest truth.
Hopefully someone experiences the same thing and we can be of some support to each other.
Has anyone tried hypnotism?
Can't think of anything I've wanted more than to get this monkey off my back.
Thanks for the space!