I can't go on like this I need help!

[rjswales]

Hi everyone, this is my first post

I am a 21 year old from Huddersfield England, and i am struggling with Anxiety.

It is stopping me do things that in the past I have had no trouble doing. I am supposed to go to London on the train to see a gig with my girlfriend tomorrow, but I don't think I will be able to do it. I know avoidance is never good, but I am really really scared about this. My anxiety is making me physically ill, with stomach pains that are halting me eating much, and I have problems with my bowels too. Previous to this bout of anxiety I had a stomach bug that made me miss my girlfriends birthday and I never forgave my self for this, I let her down so much, and I know she was upset I didn't go. I feel if I miss this trip she will start to doubt whether I am trust worthy enough :(( It is making me feel sad and really down in the dumps, I don't want to let her down again, in fact ever! CI know tomorrow I will be a wreck and feel that I will probably let her down again.

I think I also have this fear of being ill in whatever I do. Everyday I feel useless.

I am taking Propanolol ( Beta Blocker ) but this doesn't seem to helping much. My heart does slow down, but I still get palpitations and have this feeling of pain in my stomach. I was feeling better until i realised i had this trip then I lost my appetite and my stomach almost immediately felt ill.

I am normally never ill, but did have a minor anxiety problem during high school exams.

I don't know what I aim to get out of this post, maybe just reassurance, or advice on what to do next? I don't want antidepressants, but I want to feel right!


Thanks for reading.

Richard Swales.

[surpassit]

Hey rjswales,

I too am new to this anxiety. I started having these feelings about 2 months ago and I just want to go back to normal. And trust me, you will. All you need is to be determined, stronghearted, hopeful, and just respect the feelings youre having. They will soon pass. They always do. For now youre going to have to deal with them and talking with people with the same symptoms is always helpful and reassuring. You will overcome this. Keep your head up and live in the now. Its only going to affect you if you let it so dont let it run your life. Take charge and keep moving forward. Thats what Ive been telling myself since this started and it has helped me.

Best of luck bro

[rjswales]

Hey rjswales,

I too am new to this anxiety. I started having these feelings about 2 months ago and I just want to go back to normal. And trust me, you will. All you need is to be determined, stronghearted, hopeful, and just respect the feelings youre having. They will soon pass. They always do. For now youre going to have to deal with them and talking with people with the same symptoms is always helpful and reassuring. You will overcome this. Keep your head up and live in the now. Its only going to affect you if you let it so dont let it run your life. Take charge and keep moving forward. Thats what Ive been telling myself since this started and it has helped me.

Best of luck bro

Thanks man,

I am determined to get through this, I know it will be hard, but I can do it.

[Im-Suffering]

Thanks man,

I am determined to get through this, I know it will be hard, but I can do it.

This is fluff, and doesn't address the issue at hand. Listen, in the course of living your life, I want you to be consciously aware about setting yourself up....for letdowns. Do not at the moment, in your current state, set yourself up for guilt, resentment, and more anxiety by scheduling appointments or events that you cannot do ! Understand, it is you who sets the challenges, you then look back on them and judge yourself. Do not do this while you are seeking help to recover, or figuring out what is inside you emotionally causing this, take note ! Listen carefully !

Tell everyone, period, I will not be bothered with you, nor do I have to make excuses or feel badly, I alone will let you know what I can and cannot do until I can heal from what I'm going through !

Do not set yourself up for a fall, and then nosedive into it ! Heads up! Look inside, if it takes you 100 years and heal your beliefs, it is the only noble pursuit !

Print this response, reread it, and think about it. You are not to make yourself sick, play both ends of yourself against the middle, be a good boy, soldier on through it, challenge yourself to take a dive, disappoint yourself and feel guilty, make another happy at your expense, beta block your heart, exasperate stomach pain into a bleeding ulcer, you are not meant to be strong in the face of your negative beliefs, you are not meant to suffer trauma, or hate yourself. You are not to resent/dislike/who you are. You are not to wonder why you have been victimized, you are not meant to curse the world and your God, you are not to believe anything about you that does not feel good, no exceptions.

Do not fight a belief, period. Examine them, listen to your emotions,look back on your past trauma, recollect your childhood, look at your world views and what you believe. The moment you recognize some of them, you will have no pain, you can let them go !

Start with the false belief that you are not worthy, look deeply at your self worth. Examine all situations in school and with parents, testing, judging you as a worthy person, listen !

The above advice is your wake up, and worthy of kings ransom, take it, if you can understand.

[Ponder]

Hey rjswales,

Im-Suffering has some interesting concepts up in the post above mine -

Sounds like a bit of low-self-esteem which is perfectly an acceptable state given the high expectations society places on people these days. Just goes with what feels right for you. If you have or had plans, make a call and just let others know what the score is. The more cut up you sound when telling them. the more they may play on the guilt side of things, therefore speak with knowing that your doing the right thing for yourself and the others by pulling out. There is nothing wrong with wanting time for oneself - Society is the one that is hung up on making others feel guilty because they are not playing ball.

I'm with the post above - Do what you need to do and reassess things in the process. You never know, You might bounce back all the more stronger and be found more attractive for it - That is to say, your girlfriend may just appreciate you all the more for doing as what you felt was right for you, and not others.

Whatever works for you.

Cheers
Dave.

[needtogetwell]

I'm-suffering,

Great reply.

[JohnC]

I agree with im-suffering but it can be extremely difficult to tell people you can not do this or that because of anxiety. I used to make up all kinds of lies why i could not do or go some place. Finally i just started telling people no thanks i have a social anxiety disorder BUT it is very hard when it comes to my children. They just do not understand. I have done alot of things that i did not want to do over the years because of peer pressure and or guilt trips or just because i had to for work. Sometimes i feel so relieved that i went and did it ( mostly my kids stuff ) I have been on planes going across country and have such a bad anxiety/panic attack that i was thinking about how i could get the pilot to land the plane. My oldest now understands but my two younger ones do not yet and it breaks my heart to disappoint them so i force myself to go ( xanax in hand ).
I guess what i am trying to say is that im-suffering makes a good point but when it's a LIFE_LONG struggle you occasionally have to " bite the bullet" and do it.
If i had no children and no work to force me in those situations it would be easier but that is not the case. I have been asked to be best man at weddings and refused.
If i could take my whole family and move into the bush i would do it but two weeks i would be divorced so thats out of the question, LOL.
Sorry to ramble but this has been a 25 year issue for me that NEVER GOES AWAY!!!
P.S. I do love to talk with people and i love to help people but just certain things????

[Im-Suffering]

I agree with im-suffering but it can be extremely difficult to tell people you can not do this or that because of anxiety. I used to make up all kinds of lies why i could not do or go some place. Finally i just started telling people no thanks i have a social anxiety disorder BUT it is very hard when it comes to my children. They just do not understand. I have done alot of things that i did not want to do over the years because of peer pressure and or guilt trips or just because i had to for work. Sometimes i feel so relieved that i went and did it ( mostly my kids stuff ) I have been on planes going across country and have such a bad anxiety/panic attack that i was thinking about how i could get the pilot to land the plane. My oldest now understands but my two younger ones do not yet and it breaks my heart to disappoint them so i force myself to go ( xanax in hand ).
I guess what i am trying to say is that im-suffering makes a good point but when it's a LIFE_LONG struggle you occasionally have to " bite the bullet" and do it.
If i had no children and no work to force me in those situations it would be easier but that is not the case. I have been asked to be best man at weddings and refused.
If i could take my whole family and move into the bush i would do it but two weeks i would be divorced so thats out of the question, LOL.
Sorry to ramble but this has been a 25 year issue for me that NEVER GOES AWAY!!!
P.S. I do love to talk with people and i love to help people but just certain things????

Bless you dear.

Sending love and peace your way !

Coming in to this life, physically coded pre-birth you have a blueprint. Your life will have a major-theme, and in those terms a framework will have been chosen, parents, environs, etc, to flesh out that life physically. This does not interfere with so called free will. Opportunities are always present. But, if you are born without a limb, let's say, you will not grow a new one. Your major theme is set, the direction is pointed, and the bullet fired.

What is your major theme this life? Money, health, relationships? Each difficulty gives birth to an opportunity for healing. Each difficulty is meant to shed light on your err in judgment, and to teach you clear thinking. Each bad feeling is meant to teach you how valuable you are, and how important your life is, even if you should never leave your small corner of your home.

Locating the life theme, say money, it will create negative feelings, you will forever chase it, or should you have too much, you will struggle emotionally on how to keep it. Without it, you feel lifeless, lack of worth, power, self reliance, anxious and so forth. Resolving money issues is then paramount.

Suppose its health, chronic health life issues, or framework will challenge your integrity at the very core of life, the body, its functions and beliefs come into question, set up early on possibly by parents who over worry, and transfer those feelings telepathically. You feel sick thusly, and don't know why. The use of telepathy transfers beliefs untainted directly to you as a foundation for your new world view in line with your chosen framework. Yes you chose your parents.

You must, by life's end, know thyself, with clear thought . I tell you now this is thy purpose, and once told it cannot be forgotten.

What is your major life theme, and what framework have you built for yourself around that theme? If you were to paint a self portrait or landscape, what color and tone would you use to show emotion/feelings?

You are meant to feel good, you see. This life is teaching you how should you resolve the false beliefs.

[JohnC]

Thanks for the blessing but that other stuff kinda went over my head, sorry. I know i got my health anxiety and worry from my mom and she got it from her mom and i am seeing it plain as day in my oldest daughter.

[surpassit]

Yeah my grandma has it bad...both of my grandmas actually. I cant really see it in my dad or mom but it probably just skipped a generation. Lol thats funny. Eff you anxiety xD

[Im-Suffering]

Thanks for the blessing but that other stuff kinda went over my head, sorry. I know i got my health anxiety and worry from my mom and she got it from her mom and i am seeing it plain as day in my oldest daughter.

Excellent, recognize these were not facts about life now, but you have some work to do to release these beliefs. I could go on here and write a book but I shouldn't. Begin to examine each belief attached to a conscious negative emotion or feeling for validity.

[Ponder]

Again interesting stuff from Im-Suffering - Hi Im-Suffering ... only thing is, I did not chose my Parents, and I can tell you they did not want me ... LOL ... many here know that story ... I had like 12 set of parent each with their own unique telepathic ability that really screwed me up. Perhaps I'm not getting the context right, but I can see an interesting picture with the words you paint ... I don't by into "The Secret" concepts and especially those looking to gain money from some new age doctrine or way of thinking ... however ... some of the philosophy seems tangible from what your saying .. that is from my own perspective as I look to tune my own self on my own course ... one of my own choosing. :)

Love the part apart painting a portrait like that ... still dealing with a lot of bitterness myself ... I am frustrated between defining a spiritual purpose, but without a God as religion would paint -

If you have anything to add to that, then I invite you to PM me. ;)

Hi John ... Hi Pam ... hope all is well :)

[PanicCured]

Hi everyone, this is my first post

I am a 21 year old from Huddersfield England, and i am struggling with Anxiety.

It is stopping me do things that in the past I have had no trouble doing. I am supposed to go to London on the train to see a gig with my girlfriend tomorrow, but I don't think I will be able to do it. I know avoidance is never good, but I am really really scared about this. My anxiety is making me physically ill, with stomach pains that are halting me eating much, and I have problems with my bowels too. Previous to this bout of anxiety I had a stomach bug that made me miss my girlfriends birthday and I never forgave my self for this, I let her down so much, and I know she was upset I didn't go. I feel if I miss this trip she will start to doubt whether I am trust worthy enough :(( It is making me feel sad and really down in the dumps, I don't want to let her down again, in fact ever! CI know tomorrow I will be a wreck and feel that I will probably let her down again.

I think I also have this fear of being ill in whatever I do. Everyday I feel useless.

I am taking Propanolol ( Beta Blocker ) but this doesn't seem to helping much. My heart does slow down, but I still get palpitations and have this feeling of pain in my stomach. I was feeling better until i realised i had this trip then I lost my appetite and my stomach almost immediately felt ill.

I am normally never ill, but did have a minor anxiety problem during high school exams.

I don't know what I aim to get out of this post, maybe just reassurance, or advice on what to do next? I don't want antidepressants, but I want to feel right!


Thanks for reading.

Richard Swales.

Hi Richard,
Unless you can find a specific medical reason, the cure for anxiety is always you getting in the driver's seat and YOU getting yourself better by going through a process of healing. Nobody can cure you for you, and nobody can reassure you enough to get you better. Even medical tests that say you are normal won't make you feel better. You need to get on a healing path, do everything possible you can get your hands on to get better, face your fears, push through all the obstacles your mind puts in front of you, and get healthy! Nobody wants to hear it, because people either accept anxiety as who they are forever, or want the miracle pill. The reality is, you can be anxiety free but you have to do the hard work. But in a matter of months you can be so much better than you are now if not fully better. You can search and search and search but you will end up finding what I am saying here is true.

The trap you do not want to get yourself in is restructuring your life to fit your anxiety. That will dig the hole deeper. Use all of your will to maintain the most normal life as possible, not avoiding things due to anxiety. You do not want your brain to get habits of retreating to your safe place and creating new ideas of what you can and can't do. The Safe Place and Safe Person are illusions you created in your mind.

Is it easy? HELL NO! But there is no other way. You can take pharmaceuticals or not, the healing path remains the same. All these little things you do add up. Yoga, meditation, breathing exercises, herbs, supplements, therapy, techniques of dealing with anxiety and eating healthy, etc., all of these things add up little by little towards healing.

This is what I did and I wrote about it in my Techniques thread above in the stickies. You can read what I did, and make your own healing path. Heal the nervous system so it isn't at such a high state of alert and reverse the bad habits of falling prey to anxious thoughts and feelings. Do whatever else you need to do but you need to do it! It is a combination of physical and psychological healing. Mind and Body go together.

Actually you can even start enjoying the healing path and working on yourself to get better. So it doesn't have to be such work, it can be more like rehabilitation.

Keep moving forward and do whatever it takes to get you towards anxiety free!

Good luck!

PC

[Alexandra02]

Hi Richard,
Unless you can find a specific medical reason, the cure for anxiety is always you getting in the driver's seat and YOU getting yourself better by going through a process of healing. Nobody can cure you for you, and nobody can reassure you enough to get you better. Even medical tests that say you are normal won't make you feel better. You need to get on a healing path, do everything possible you can get your hands on to get better, face your fears, push through all the obstacles your mind puts in front of you, and get healthy! Nobody wants to hear it, because people either accept anxiety as who they are forever, or want the miracle pill. The reality is, you can be anxiety free but you have to do the hard work. But in a matter of months you can be so much better than you are now if not fully better. You can search and search and search but you will end up finding what I am saying here is true.

The trap you do not want to get yourself in is restructuring your life to fit your anxiety. That will dig the hole deeper. Use all of your will to maintain the most normal life as possible, not avoiding things due to anxiety. You do not want your brain to get habits of retreating to your safe place and creating new ideas of what you can and can't do. The Safe Place and Safe Person are illusions you created in your mind.

Is it easy? HELL NO! But there is no other way. You can take pharmaceuticals or not, the healing path remains the same. All these little things you do add up. Yoga, meditation, breathing exercises, herbs, supplements, therapy, techniques of dealing with anxiety and eating healthy, etc., all of these things add up little by little towards healing.

This is what I did and I wrote about it in my Techniques thread above in the stickies. You can read what I did, and make your own healing path. Heal the nervous system so it isn't at such a high state of alert and reverse the bad habits of falling prey to anxious thoughts and feelings. Do whatever else you need to do but you need to do it! It is a combination of physical and psychological healing. Mind and Body go together.

Actually you can even start enjoying the healing path and working on yourself to get better. So it doesn't have to be such work, it can be more like rehabilitation.

Keep moving forward and do whatever it takes to get you towards anxiety free!

Good luck!

PC


Thank you for posting paniccured . Getting up and getting in the drivers seat is what I need to do. I always talk myself out of things saying I can't when I can I just won't out of fear. I started doing yoga and it does help out a lot with the stress. Thank you for sharing

[Ponder]

Figured as much ;)

[Exactice]

Hey RJ, welcome to the forums.... Anxiety can be a challenge and can come out of no where. The first thing you need to realize is that, Anxiety and Panic attacks are actually not a bad thing.

Anxiety and Panic attacks are your bodies Defense Mechanisms. Thats actually a good thing.

The part you need to work out is, is that these defense mechanisms are out of whack and need some re-adjustments.

The adjustments that are needed is your thought process. Just like im-suffering posted.

You need to reassess and talk it out with yourself if these feelings that you have are real or is it something you are being over sensitive to. I know when I first dealt with them since I had no Idea what it was or why they came on, I figured something was seriously wrong. But finally I came to the realization that I have dealt with these feelings many of times, I just am just making them worse than they really are.

Look at yourself and ask yourself questions, can it hurt me? Has it hurt me? In reality it never did and probably never will like many of us here..... Day by day a little by little no need to take on more than you need. Chat with us and you will see it get a little easier!

[PanicCured]

Thank you for posting paniccured . Getting up and getting in the drivers seat is what I need to do. I always talk myself out of things saying I can't when I can I just won't out of fear. I started doing yoga and it does help out a lot with the stress. Thank you for sharing

That voice in your head telling you that you can't do something or go somewhere, is a screwed up survival mechanism designed to keep you safe. The problem is that this survival mechanism that tells us not to cross the street in oncoming traffic and not to walk into a fire, is offset in your mind, giving you those signals in inappropriate times. If you think about it, most of anxiety and panic is a messed up sense of survival and seeking safety. Why this happens I am not sure, nor does it matter. But there is no tiger after you, no burning building you need to flee from, and no enemy coming to overtake your village. The disorder is the signals for survival are being fired at the wrong times. That is why you need to use the logical part of your brain to override these false signals and retrain the brain that you can't die in a crowd, won't blow up if you go far from home, and won't wither into nothingness if you make a speech in front of people. So when you carry on as normal life as possible, you are slowly overriding these signals and retraining the mind. This takes you in the driver's seat as nobody can live your life for you!
Anxiety= One long enormous Bluff!

[Exactice]

^^^^ I loved this!!

"Anxiety= One long enormous Bluff!"

This is perfect! You are right, anxiety is just us making a big thing out of something stupid. I think I should try and play it as a poker bluff and call it out..... pretty awesome fun way to look at it!!!