I don't know what's wrong with me

[st0rmageddon]

Hello everyone, i'm new at this, so i hope i'm doing this right :)

I'm here because of a reason, obviously. I think i'm currently struggling with some sort of disorder. I'm not quite sure, though. The internet tells me different things.
Anyway, i'd really like to know what it is that i'm experiencing, so here's a list of symptoms i have:
- Almost constantly worried, even when i have literally nothing to worry about. This comes with a constant feeling of 'butterflies in your stomach', but not pink and happy butterflies, no, i wish
- Afraid to communicate with people, even though i can without acting like an idjit
- Not feeling like doing anything except for being in my own room and watching tv shows / drawing / listening to music
- Constantly really sad for no reason, but not like, sad-sad, more just horrible and not being able to find a reason
- Fear of using the telephone
- Always tired
- Feeling really alone even though i have lots of friends
- Feeling the need to hurt myself so that i can feel actual pain instead of this weird mess of feelings and nervousness
- Feelings that objects are unreal (derealization), and that i'm "not really here" (depersonalization)
- This really weird thing: i think in stories. This might not sound weird, but trust me, it is. I mean that when i think about what i'm doing at that exact moment, it's like "I walked to the grass, feeling quite sad. I had been feeling that way for a long time", and it's freaking annoying. I have been doing this for longer now, i already did it when i was a child, but i don't seem able to control it recently. I can't think straight, can't feel what i'm actually feeling, because everything turns to a fictional thing in my head. It might not sound that bad, but it really is. Sometimes i think i'm going crazy.
- Sometimes i feel this really weird, extreme need to throw things, and to scream. But i never do, cause i never have the energy to do it. It's a really strong feeling though

I think it might be Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but the problem is that people with GAD are supposed to be busy all the time while i'm just lying on my bed.
I really hope someone knows what i'm going through, i've been struggling with this for probably nearly a year now.
Oh, by the way, i'm a 16 year old girl, if that matters. English isn't my first language, so i'm sorry if it sucks.

Thanks!!

[Anne1221]

Well, I see some anxiety in what you have, some depression, but clearly you need to get some help with this. Don't try to diagnose yourself. I don't know that it's true that people with GAD are busy all the time. If they are depressed too, they may just lie around.
I sure hope you will get some help for yourself soon! It's not a good thing that you have a need to hurt yourself. There is help out there!

[st0rmageddon]

Thank you for replying! I know i should probably get help, but the problem is that i am so scared of doing this. Even though i know it would help me out, i just can't. The thought of it alone makes me even more anxious than i already am.

[EBA]

So...I can relate to a lot of these things. I know it's a very stressful thing to go through. But if it makes you feel any better I'm in the same boat with you. Hugs <3

[JohnC]

Welcome to the forum and you are among friends and there is a whole lot of us just like you. I started having feelings like you are describing about 15 or 16 ( now 40 something ). Are you able to talk to your parents or guardian about this at all? Maybe if you could just talk to your family doctor if you have one and just bring it up in a casual conversation if poss. It's not the end of the world but it does suck.
Please do not hesitate to ask questions and just to let you know , it is manageable but it takes work.

[st0rmageddon]

So...I can relate to a lot of these things. I know it's a very stressful thing to go through. But if it makes you feel any better I'm in the same boat with you. Hugs <3

Thank you :) It's good to know i'm not the only one, even though i don't want anyone to feel the way i do. Hugs you too <3

[st0rmageddon]

Welcome to the forum and you are among friends and there is a whole lot of us just like you. I started having feelings like you are describing about 15 or 16 ( now 40 something ). Are you able to talk to your parents or guardian about this at all? Maybe if you could just talk to your family doctor if you have one and just bring it up in a casual conversation if poss. It's not the end of the world but it does suck.
Please do not hesitate to ask questions and just to let you know , it is manageable but it takes work.
Thank you! Ive got a loving family so thats not the problem, but i'm just so afraid to talk about the way i'm feeling, even to my parents. I did once tell my dad that i'm nervous all the time, but that's about it. My friends know i'm really neurotic and stressed, but they dont know the worst of it. I have good and bad phases though.
I just hope these feeling will pass, but it's starting to look like i'm going to have to live with it.

[Exactice]

Hey Storm! Wow you have listed all the things that I felt about 6-8months ago! You have a family here. Feel free to share your thoughts and fears. Many of us have gone and or going through what you are going through. We understand. Talking it out really helps so dont be afraid to share.

These sensations you are noticing are hypersensitivity and justifications. You are trying to find a reason to why... you feel this way rather than saying..... its nothing I am normal.... many people feel this way the only difference is I am noticing them more and more when I should be less and less =)

Your fear to speak to people is because you now are sensitive to your anxiety and worried it might come out like a scary monster under the bed. But rest assured. It hasnt hurt anyone hear it just feels like its lingering around being a pain in the butt. Come talk to everyone here. We will listen many of the people here have great advice and are great listeners!

Remember one thing..... this will not cure itself over night, you need to take your time with it. Slowly but surely it will get easier.

1 word of caution leave GOOGLE out of it..... Talk to people that are dealing with it and understanding it. Google just feeds that monster under the bed.

Enjoy your stay here and welcome to the family!

[st0rmageddon]

thank you so much. It means a lot to know I'm not the only one, that there are people who understand me.
You could be right, I might be searching for a reason why. The only problem is that i really can't find any reason why. I've got friends, family, good grades. But i still feel alone and stressed all the time. Well, not all the time, actually. Sometimes i have good periods when i feel fine.
Anyway, thank you so much for replying and wanting to help me out!!

[st0rmageddon]

hi, sorry for not reacting, i was in the middle of my final exams which made me like 89172 times more anxious than i already am.
Anyway, thank you for reacting, Jon D Snow! This forum is indeed a wonderful website and resource.
I've come up with this plan to get myself back together this summer. I bought a notebook, like, a hardcover one, and i'm just gonna write everything down and draw and glue things in it. Every day. This way i might be able to understand myself more. I really hope this is gonna help, because i might not even have to seek help, if i help myself!
By the way, i'm currently feeling better. I had a panic attack two days ago, cried my eyes out, but somehow now i'm way more relaxed. Not that i'm cured, though. I know the awful feelings will come back.
But hey, always look on the bright side of life! I've got a plan, i'm feeling better, who knows. Maybe this summer is going to change me.