joey9
05-24-2008, 04:16 PM
Well, I feel that I have just had the final pieces of my own anxiety puzzle fall into place. I always thought that perfectionism was a product of my anxiety, but in reality I believe now that this is in fact the absolute cause of it. In fact, it has been pervasive in most aspects of my life for as long as I remember. Friendships, relationships, work - everything has always been about striving for a 'perfect life' where there are no imperfections, no mistakes, and nothing ever goes wrong. And as this is an impossibility it has also been the cause of an awful lot of anxiety, social phobia, lack of confidence and low self-esteem. I have been misdirecting the focus of my thought modification - i.e. turning negatives into positives to the wrong level. I have been attacking negative thoughts as and when they pop up without trying to deconstruct the ridiculously rigorous value system that I have. The fact that its ok to make mistakes, say the wrong thing, have a confrontation, be disappoved of etc. has finally gotten through to me. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me finally. My epiphany came when I read the following parable. I hope it helps anyone else out there who has my kind of anxiety to realise the futility of holding on to a self-destructive value system.
Here is a fable illustrating the pitfalls of value rigidity, adapted from Robert Pirsig's well-known work, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.
The "South Indian Monkey Trap" was developed by villagers to catch the ever-present and numerous small monkeys in that part of the world. It involves a hollowed-out coconut chained to a stake. The coconut has some rice inside which can be seen through a small hole. The hole is just big enough so that the monkey can put his hand in, but too small for his fist to come out after he has grabbed the rice.
Tempted by the rice, the monkey reaches in and is suddenly trapped. He is not able to see that it is his own fist that traps him, his own desire for the rice. He rigidly holds on to the rice, because he values it. He cannot let go and by doing so retain his freedom. So the trap works and the villagers capture him.
I really feel like I'm letting go of my 'rice', as it were. This forum has really helped me through a bad patch - good luck all of you with your own battles.
p.s. I'm not even going to check this post for typos.
Here is a fable illustrating the pitfalls of value rigidity, adapted from Robert Pirsig's well-known work, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.
The "South Indian Monkey Trap" was developed by villagers to catch the ever-present and numerous small monkeys in that part of the world. It involves a hollowed-out coconut chained to a stake. The coconut has some rice inside which can be seen through a small hole. The hole is just big enough so that the monkey can put his hand in, but too small for his fist to come out after he has grabbed the rice.
Tempted by the rice, the monkey reaches in and is suddenly trapped. He is not able to see that it is his own fist that traps him, his own desire for the rice. He rigidly holds on to the rice, because he values it. He cannot let go and by doing so retain his freedom. So the trap works and the villagers capture him.
I really feel like I'm letting go of my 'rice', as it were. This forum has really helped me through a bad patch - good luck all of you with your own battles.
p.s. I'm not even going to check this post for typos.