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View Full Version : I was doing better until today's curveball



Mockingbird
06-02-2014, 03:45 PM
I posted a few weeks ago about cutting ties with a toxic person and got great advice on how to ease my anxiety in doing so.

The gist of this story is that this person, who was once a friend, overstepped his bounds and used me.

So, I blocked his number, emails, everything because I finally got the strength to realize that I can't have this kind of influence in my life. Before, every time I tried to cut ties, he said something hateful or fed my guilt complex, apologized and dragged me back in because I was weak and vulnerable. Really, I was a freakin' idiot.

So, I hadn't heard a word in more than a month. I was feeling better, more secure in going out in public and not scared of bumping into him. I did pass him last week on the road and he glanced at me. I panicked for a moment but managed to let it go (again, using techniques that was shared on here and from my counselor.)

And then today, I come into work and he left a voicemail on my work phone where I can't block numbers. He called at 8 a.m. on Sunday. He knew I wasn't there. All the voicemail said was "Hi, *my name,*" and he hung up. It was strange and solemn sounding.

Why? Why did he do that? What was the point?

I suddenly felt like I'm back to square one. I don't know why that small, insignificant connection threw me into a tizzy. The old fears are back. I started shaking and became extremely paranoid. Now I'm afraid he'll show up at my work or try to find me at home, that he's building courage to confront me.

My counselor told me this would pass, that I shouldn't engage him because doing that will re-open the door. I really wanted to say something to him though -- to tell him to respect my space like I asked him to...I was too nice when I cut ties when I should have really torn into him and told him how he negatively affected me.

I'm just angry. Angry at myself for letting someone get to me like this, angry that I wasn't smart enough to run away from this situation sooner and angry that I was finally feeling normal again and now I'm back in panic mode.

I just want to hide in my house.

This will pass, right? I'm just so damn scared.

Mockingbird
06-09-2014, 04:31 PM
And now I'm getting blocked calls on my cellphone. I don't know who it is but now I'm really starting to get anxious.

JohnC
06-09-2014, 05:56 PM
Is there anybody that you can talk to about this person that may know them but not tell them what you say? Hopefully this person will get the hint and just leave you alone.

Mockingbird
06-09-2014, 06:29 PM
Not really. We don't have any mutual friends (which made separation easier.) My friends and counselor have both said to ignore him but record any calls or messages if it becomes a big issue.

I'm just perplexed of why I hadn't heard from him in more than a month, and then he decides to start trying to make contact. And it rattles me. He hasn't made any attempts to see me, just contact me.

But, thanks to my anxious thinking, what makes me the most scared is the idea that he'll show up at my work one morning. That scares me because I'm the only one who is there at that time. My boss is aware of my fear and said to just drive to the police station nearby. I just don't want it to get to that point.

My counselor doesn't think it will get to that point from everything I described. I keep trying to tell myself that but my thoughts run away with me and I start panicking. I guess I just don't trust people and expect the worst (I work in the news and see it every day...)

I just want my mind to stop and just let myself move on.

JohnC
06-09-2014, 07:29 PM
Unfortunately that is the way that people like us tend to think or "over think". I hope all goes well for you and hopefully if you keep ignoring this person it will just disappear.

Anne1221
06-09-2014, 07:57 PM
Is there any way to block calls on your work phone? Probably not but see what you can do. Do you have to accept voice mail messages when you're not there? Can you set your work phone to not accept messages when you're not at work? Can you get someone else to listen to your messages on Monday morning to be sure he hasn't left a message? I don't know what blocked messages on your cell phone means, but if it were me, I would change my number. Seriously, the more distance you put between you and this creep the better. Don't give him an once of attention, keep away and be safe. Wouldn't that be good if he didn't even have your cell phone number? See what your therapist thinks about that.