Strutter
05-31-2014, 03:48 AM
First off, yes, I'm one of those first ever posts, so hello.
Reason I am doing this is I've really just hit rock bottom with my anxiety, and have became worried about myself.
Since my late teens I have always struggled with anxiety, it started off as not being able to go out and eat in places, public settings, not every single time, but most of the times, or if knowing about having to go out in advance, my mind did the circular thoughts of dread and it become impossible, then leading to the usual excuses or reasons for me to not make that event.
Some of this can be put down to home life, my mom could be a bit extreme in her reactions, now don't get me wrong, she was a very good parent and continues to be, but it seems anytime she is annoyed at something, even though its definitely not directed at me, I take it on board and my emotions and anxiety are the first things to start shooting off. I also cant seem to separate the logic speaking part or voices in my head from the pure over whelming emotion of my anxiety, that dread, fear, like a loss of knowing who I am, what I should be doing?. Im also very much a creature of habit, get up go to work, go to the gym, come home, eat sleep repeat, many things that change from that, can ping off some anxiety, but usually manageable. Im still also able always to go out with friends to the pub, or cinema etc , typical things like that. Now im 34, and yes living at home, with the way the world economics went and losing jobs over the years ( being made redundant) its didn't become viable to leave home as I wanted to)
However, some things have been changing at home, my father retiring, which leaves an uncertain future about where we live, though noting I don't believe we can work on with some planning.
This and of course part of the nature of anxiety is to worry about the future in most cases anyways I suspect Its all came crashing down this past Wednesday night, I couldn't stop myself, I literally went to my room, curled up and just felt my whole world collapse in, mom and dad have been doing what they can ( despite how my mother can be she can be a real help when she sees what im gong through). I managed to get an emergency appointment with m y doc the next day, levelled with him completely and he put me on Cipralex ( taking half a one for the first few days), Propranolol ( 40mgs) and some Diazepam ( 2mg) tablets, as well as being referred to counselling.
The worry I have is that I have not eaten..and I mean nothing except half a banana and half a slice of toast for about 3 days now, though keeping lots of water in me and sugary tea, im a pretty big fella (muscular) so its not like their's nothing to waste of me, but it seems a worry. The funny thing is my dad is a Pharmacist, he has some practise in this and says it can be completely normal to loose all apatite between the anxious feelings, and the tablets taking effect.
Right now, in this time, I feel caught, between sitting about and not wanting to do very much, even though its a lovely day out side right now, feel a bit drowsy form the tablets, or perhaps I should mope about and let the tablets take on a positive effect before making any real moves.
Thing is I became very sacred for my well being for a couple of nights, my mind literally went to a very VERY dark place where I couldn't see ANYWAY out, and Im worried about finding myself in that position again.
Sorry for that being a bit long!
Reason I am doing this is I've really just hit rock bottom with my anxiety, and have became worried about myself.
Since my late teens I have always struggled with anxiety, it started off as not being able to go out and eat in places, public settings, not every single time, but most of the times, or if knowing about having to go out in advance, my mind did the circular thoughts of dread and it become impossible, then leading to the usual excuses or reasons for me to not make that event.
Some of this can be put down to home life, my mom could be a bit extreme in her reactions, now don't get me wrong, she was a very good parent and continues to be, but it seems anytime she is annoyed at something, even though its definitely not directed at me, I take it on board and my emotions and anxiety are the first things to start shooting off. I also cant seem to separate the logic speaking part or voices in my head from the pure over whelming emotion of my anxiety, that dread, fear, like a loss of knowing who I am, what I should be doing?. Im also very much a creature of habit, get up go to work, go to the gym, come home, eat sleep repeat, many things that change from that, can ping off some anxiety, but usually manageable. Im still also able always to go out with friends to the pub, or cinema etc , typical things like that. Now im 34, and yes living at home, with the way the world economics went and losing jobs over the years ( being made redundant) its didn't become viable to leave home as I wanted to)
However, some things have been changing at home, my father retiring, which leaves an uncertain future about where we live, though noting I don't believe we can work on with some planning.
This and of course part of the nature of anxiety is to worry about the future in most cases anyways I suspect Its all came crashing down this past Wednesday night, I couldn't stop myself, I literally went to my room, curled up and just felt my whole world collapse in, mom and dad have been doing what they can ( despite how my mother can be she can be a real help when she sees what im gong through). I managed to get an emergency appointment with m y doc the next day, levelled with him completely and he put me on Cipralex ( taking half a one for the first few days), Propranolol ( 40mgs) and some Diazepam ( 2mg) tablets, as well as being referred to counselling.
The worry I have is that I have not eaten..and I mean nothing except half a banana and half a slice of toast for about 3 days now, though keeping lots of water in me and sugary tea, im a pretty big fella (muscular) so its not like their's nothing to waste of me, but it seems a worry. The funny thing is my dad is a Pharmacist, he has some practise in this and says it can be completely normal to loose all apatite between the anxious feelings, and the tablets taking effect.
Right now, in this time, I feel caught, between sitting about and not wanting to do very much, even though its a lovely day out side right now, feel a bit drowsy form the tablets, or perhaps I should mope about and let the tablets take on a positive effect before making any real moves.
Thing is I became very sacred for my well being for a couple of nights, my mind literally went to a very VERY dark place where I couldn't see ANYWAY out, and Im worried about finding myself in that position again.
Sorry for that being a bit long!