How can I handle my fear?

[Whatdo]

I have a fear of a specific outcome which torments me constantly. I feel that if this situation was to play out I would kill myself.

It's a medical problem (don't think details matter for this thread) and I should find out within three months. It's just that I've been worried about this for a very long time (1-2 years) and I believe there is a serious chance my fear might be true. I try to think of the probability of it actually happen, and the truth is I don't know. I don't have the medical knowledge to tell if it's reasonable or not, but it's not unreasonable to think about it. The problem is I swing back and forth between belief and disbelief.

Whenever I am in a state of belief, as I said I loose all hope of my life, anxiety, depression kicks in etc (the majority of the time). When I am in a state of disbelief I feel much better.

How can I manage my thoughts and mood? I have college finals to take care of and whenever I think about or am reminded of my issue I start to question the meaning of life and it makes studying the last of my priorities. So most of the time I walk around with this impeding sense of doom, and even if I'm in a decent mood I still feel like a man on death row.

But my fear is not confirmed so it's still premature to be depressed about it. You can probably read from the tone of the post which way I'm leaning towards, but I need to stay positive but I struggle.

Advice?

[NervousNiki]

"Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real but fear is a choice"

I just read this on a different thread. :) I wrote it down so that I remember it. I don't know how to tell you to deal with your fear. I can't even handle my own. My obsessive thoughts of having something seriously wrong with me seem to by uncontrollable. I feel like a crazy person. But I do know this: Being in constant worry and fear robs us-you, me, other sufferers-of the beauty that is right now. Right now the sun is shining. Right now I have a rare opportunity to spend the day with my boyfriend (we never have the same days off). Right now I am alive and capable of living life to its full potential.
Instead though, right now I am laying in my bed, shades drawn, obsessing about the muscle spasm in my leg, the fullness in my head, the pain in my body. It's enough to make me want to scream and yell and get so mad at what this is doing to me. With that said, I'm going to push through this and get out of the house and into the sun. I'm so afraid that I am dying or becoming mentally or physically debilitated that I'm not even really living. I hope you get through this and have a beautiful day. Right now, it's all we've got. Let's not waste it worrying about and being afraid of later.