Panicking About The Future

[Freja]

Last night I went to bed in one of my quite bad panicking modes. I laid awake thinking to myself "I'm going to end up having no job, no money, no friends and no one to love. I'm going to end up living with my parents for the rest of my life and become a hermit. What's the point?". I know I sound like I'm exaggerating or being silly, but honestly, in this present moment I see these statements as truth. Whilst at school I use to dream of the person I'd be when I left and it wasn't a hermit. I imagined I'd be confident, with a successful job and a good social life; a chic 21st century girl. But I can't even do the simple things I wanted to do, like join a tennis club or go out on a trip to London. So now, I can see I got my hopes up too high in terms of my future.

It's just the thought of being in a crowd or meeting new people terrifies me; just thinking about it is making me uncomfortable. This fear is basically what prevented me from going to university, (but I'd like not to go to uni anyway due to fees and stuff). But I really don't want to be in this fearful way - I want to be the opposite. Honestly I don't know what to do. I feel all alone, and I feel as though I'm to face my daunting adulthood all alone.

I don't know how my life is going to end up, but at the moment I truly believe that I'll end up being a waste of space living with my parents for the rest of my life with no other human contact. If that's how things play out, literally what is the point in my existence?

I just needed to get this off my chest, so that I might not feel as alone.

[danimals123]

I know it's not easy to go through this. Few points that I hope might help:
* Have you looked specifically at what worries you about being in a crowd or meeting new people? Is it fear of rejection, discomfort of having nothing to talk about, fear of crowds noticing you in public, etc. ? If so, have you considered a way to face your fear in more of a "controlled" environment (e.g. go out with a friend to a quiet place for a cup of coffee, go with your parents to the store, go to a family get-together)? The more you can be in a public environment w/o fear, the easier it will be to expand that scope.
* Have you considered what you want to do for a career? You mention a number of things that are "ends" but not "means" (e.g. you mention a successful job and a good social life, but not how you expect to have that). You might find that asking what you want to do (and not what you want to get from it) will both give you direction AND help you channel your anxiety into passion (or at least change your focus and distract you from your fears).

Life can be challenging, but I've learned one thing is certain - it's never too late to change direction and regain control. It's never easy, but the challenge and the struggle may just be what helps you learn to cope with your fears.


Hang in there.

[needtogetwell]

^^^^^agree.

You do know what you want but you need to make a plan as to how to achieve it. Small steps, one thing at a time. Choose one thing and ask yourself how do I get this. Keep asking how questions until you have come down to a workable plan small step at a time. Patience will be your best ally and remember to write down your successes, even if they are small. A visual record of successes is a great way to stay motivated.

Wishing you the best.

[Im-Suffering]

Last night I went to bed in one of my quite bad panicking modes. I laid awake thinking to myself "I'm going to end up having no job, no money, no friends and no one to love. I'm going to end up living with my parents for the rest of my life and become a hermit. What's the point?". I know I sound like I'm exaggerating or being silly, but honestly, in this present moment I see these statements as truth. Whilst at school I use to dream of the person I'd be when I left and it wasn't a hermit. I imagined I'd be confident, with a successful job and a good social life; a chic 21st century girl. But I can't even do the simple things I wanted to do, like join a tennis club or go out on a trip to London. So now, I can see I got my hopes up too high in terms of my future.

It's just the thought of being in a crowd or meeting new people terrifies me; just thinking about it is making me uncomfortable. This fear is basically what prevented me from going to university, (but I'd like not to go to uni anyway due to fees and stuff). But I really don't want to be in this fearful way - I want to be the opposite. Honestly I don't know what to do. I feel all alone, and I feel as though I'm to face my daunting adulthood all alone.

I don't know how my life is going to end up, but at the moment I truly believe that I'll end up being a waste of space living with my parents for the rest of my life with no other human contact. If that's how things play out, literally what is the point in my existence?

I just needed to get this off my chest, so that I might not feel as alone.

Listen carefully, I have underlined and bolded every false belief you have about you and your life. From your own thoughts. Whatever doesn't feel good is a belief that either isn't yours (from parents) or part of your childhood conditioning. Read the bolded and think ! No wonder I'm anxious! A belief is not a fact, remember that.

[superchick22684]

Reading this post is almost like reading what my own thoughts are some days. I had my first panic attack while attending college so the fears you listed above are very easy for me to relate to because once I was diagnosed with anxiety I felt like any chance that I had for a normal life with a job,friends,significant other etc. was never going to happen. Like you I had this picture in my mind of how I ideally wanted my life to be like.
I don't know if this is helpful or not but I try not to think about how things should have worked out or how I pictured my ideal life to be. Doing that has helped me cut myself some slack and not be so hard on myself that things aren't perfect which has helped me embrace what I have.
Freja are you on any medications or therapy?

[Freja]

It's great having someone who can relate to you and vice-versa!

I don't take any medication and never have. I'm also currently not having therapy, however I have had therapy in the past and didn't like it. I found it extremely difficult to express my feelings and emotions to my therapist, which basically meant that she often got the wrong end of the stick. I also found that she was trying to pick up on the minutest things about me and analyse them...I just found that to be irritating and uncomfortable. I don't know, maybe I just didn't give it enough of a chance?

Do you think medication would be beneficial? Have you tried any yourself? - i've heard a lot of horror stories about people going on medication for their anxiety - I don't want to rely on them for a normal life.

[superchick22684]

It's great having someone who can relate to you and vice-versa!

I don't take any medication and never have. I'm also currently not having therapy, however I have had therapy in the past and didn't like it. I found it extremely difficult to express my feelings and emotions to my therapist, which basically meant that she often got the wrong end of the stick. I also found that she was trying to pick up on the minutest things about me and analyse them...I just found that to be irritating and uncomfortable. I don't know, maybe I just didn't give it enough of a chance?

Do you think medication would be beneficial? Have you tried any yourself? - i've heard a lot of horror stories about people going on medication for their anxiety - I don't want to rely on them for a normal life.

Back when I was first diagnosed in '06 I was on medication and found it to be helpful. I was on Paxil first which didn't work well for me so the doc switched me to Effexor and the last antidepressant that I was on was Cymbalta. Unfortunately due to an insurance mixup I had to taper off of the meds and haven't been on meds for several years. The only thing that I found difficult about being on meds was gradually tapering up on a new one while tapering off of another one.
In regards to therapy some people find it to be helpful while other don't. The key with therapy is finding a therapist that are you are comfortable with sharing your feelings and emotions with. I just started up therapy again in the last month and at the beginning I wasn't so sure about sticking with the therapist I have. After a few sessions I've changed my mind and have noticed some positive changes.
I view therapy and meds simply as two of the tools that a person can use to help treat/reduce your anxiety. There are however many different ways to approach treating anxiety. If you're wanting to go the non-meds route you might want to take a look at the Natural Remedies thread.