Hello new here ! how's things?

[Im-Suffering]

How are ya'll doing?

I know some of you reading this are in the midst of some horrific symptoms. Happening now, or maybe they have subsided a bit while you read the stories here.

I get it ! In 1997 during duress from an impending marriage breakdown and ultimate divorce, I had gone to dinner with my now ex to 'talk' when in the middle I felt something snap in my brain (like a twig). Excused myself, went to the restroom and had my inaugural first panic attack! Yay! If I only remembered the exact date I could have some sort of anniversary yearly because yup 17 years later and I'm a wreck.

If you are suffering today, rest assured tomorrow is a new day and you may have a break! One piece of input I like to share is that your symptoms do not come out of nowhere as they may suggest. Such as your feeling pretty good watching TV and the next minute your sweating with a HR of 140, sick stomach, and adrenaline rush of fear, (again, you were just sitting there)

I always can trace back the inception of a bad attack (which may last for days) to some behavior/thoughts/actions/etc, my actions, my life for the past few weeks. I find I may have been angry/resentful/impatient/jealous/hateful/....and because I'm supposed to be a good boy as I was told, i hold all that in. I mean they are directed at someone aren't they? Confronting that/those people could hurt them/you.

So couple weeks of inhibited angst, and I'm sitting watching the bachelorette, stand up to use restroom and boom I'm attacked by my own repressed emotions.

If you look carefully at the days prior to the onset, you may have felt tense/suffocated/short to breathe etc, tight chest is a dead giveaway that in a couple days or sooner you will relapse into palos and a full attack. Especially if you are agoraphobic and beat yourself up while stuck at home.

So there are the emotions repressed, then within 2 weeks the onset of pre symptoms, and then few days later full attack plus fear should keep you in it for a few days.

Listen, the fight or flight adrenaline rush for us in a rather already sensitized body maintains a higher level in our system of the hormone, rather we have an higher tolerance for adrenaline, (always jittery/nervous) so when we overdose over a time period we are are at a double dose, resulting in the symptoms we feel and maintain. A normal human would not maintain fight or flight as we do. Hmm.

The average person with a momentary surge is an completely different thing. We never return to 'normal'.

Anyhow that enough for now, I'm just coming down from 130 beats per minute resting, still sick to my stomach, but maybe I'll have a few hours off for good behavior. And talking here has sidetracked me a bit.

Edit: funny thing I just typed, that I'll have a few hours off for good behavior, suggesting these terrible things are happening because I'm bad. Either overall bad, or for some bad things, interesting.

[NervousNiki]

Welcome to the forum and thank you for the post. I, too, am relatively new here. It has been mostly helpful. The past couple of days have been rough for me in the panic/anxiety department. Today I feel almost human. Hopefully it lasts for a bit.
My first panic attack happened to me when I was at my boyfriend's place for dinner. It was the second or third time we had hung out. We were cleaning up the kitchen. I was putting away some dishes when all of a sudden a feeling of complete fear washed over me. We lived in the same building so my exit was easy. I can't remember exactly why I told him I had to leave. I went home and waited to die. I didn't have any coping skills other than laying down. I thought for sure I would go to sleep and never wake up. But I did, and continue to do so. Sleep is still my go to when it gets really bad. That first panic attack was in August of 2010. Four years later, I'm still trying to cope with this. And my then-new boyfriend is now my fiancé and my biggest support. He's gotten me through some of my worst attacks. I am actively seeking treatment. I'm in therapy (traditional counseling and impact therapy), trying medications, and working on my own from the CBT for Dummies book. I don't know if I will ever beat this. I am beginning to accept it as a fact of my life. But I'll be damned if I let it control me any longer.
Again, welcome. I hope you find this helpful.

[Im-Suffering]

Welcome to the forum and thank you for the post. I, too, am relatively new here. It has been mostly helpful. The past couple of days have been rough for me in the panic/anxiety department. Today I feel almost human. Hopefully it lasts for a bit.
My first panic attack happened to me when I was at my boyfriend's place for dinner. It was the second or third time we had hung out. We were cleaning up the kitchen. I was putting away some dishes when all of a sudden a feeling of complete fear washed over me. We lived in the same building so my exit was easy. I can't remember exactly why I told him I had to leave. I went home and waited to die. I didn't have any coping skills other than laying down. I thought for sure I would go to sleep and never wake up. But I did, and continue to do so. Sleep is still my go to when it gets really bad. That first panic attack was in August of 2010. Four years later, I'm still trying to cope with this. And my then-new boyfriend is now my fiancé and my biggest support. He's gotten me through some of my worst attacks. I am actively seeking treatment. I'm in therapy (traditional counseling and impact therapy), trying medications, and working on my own from the CBT for Dummies book. I don't know if I will ever beat this. I am beginning to accept it as a fact of my life. But I'll be damned if I let it control me any longer.
Again, welcome. I hope you find this helpful.


I haven't found a way to desensitize the body. In periods of low anxiety the body is still not calm or at a 'normal level'. I don't believe anyone here has figured it out. I believe we do not cure ourselves by calming or copeing, those are band aids. I believe the only way to truly heal is to find the catalyst-event, and somehow heal that. For example the issue at your boyfriends apt was the repeat, not the incipient belief/event. The core event probably as a small child lay dormant until triggered later in life compounded by fear. The fear at his apt that day was not 'current' fear but a manifestation of the past trauma, as say a small child would cry for help and recognition.

I haven't found this myself, it is illusive indeed. Although I can feel a great many hurts as a small child. The anxiety is some form of self pain, as a child might get punished and believe it her fault, self hatred.

There is also there, I feel it, a disappointment, a....unfulfillment... a lack of creative potential, a rut. And this is a spitual/soul issue, it feels like a push, and if I push back I get anxious. Again it could be parents telling the child what a disappointment they are, and a waste of potential. It feels terrible whatever it is, and raises my heart rate thinking about it.

I don't know just throwing fuel for thought, maybe someone smarter than I can put it together for us

[NervousNiki]

I haven't found a way to desensitize the body. In periods of low anxiety the body is still not calm or at a 'normal level'. I don't believe anyone here has figured it out. I believe we do not cure ourselves by calming or copeing, those are band aids. I believe the only way to truly heal is to find the catalyst-event, and somehow heal that. For example the issue at your boyfriends apt was the repeat, not the incipient belief/event. The core event probably as a small child lay dormant until triggered later in life compounded by fear. The fear at his apt that day was not 'current' fear but a manifestation of the past trauma, as say a small child would cry for help and recognition.

I haven't found this myself, it is illusive indeed. Although I can feel a great many hurts as a small child. The anxiety is some form of self pain, as a child might get punished and believe it her fault, self hatred.

There is also there, I feel it, a disappointment, a....unfulfillment... a lack of creative potential, a rut. And this is a spitual/soul issue, it feels like a push, and if I push back I get anxious. Again it could be parents telling the child what a disappointment they are, and a waste of potential. It feels terrible whatever it is, and raises my heart rate thinking about it.

I don't know just throwing fuel for thought, maybe someone smarter than I can put it together for us

I wish I could find a way to desensitize my body. I'm always feeling not-quite-right. I just have to keep telling myself that this is my normal.
I am just beginning to deal with childhood trauma. Not fun and definitely a source of more panic. But I also know that the fact its been living inside of me and neglected for so long is a big reason I'm experiencing anxiety and that I have to get through this big discomfort to get any relief.

[chanellebourgeois]

hi welcome. im cb

[gypsylee]

Hey I'm sort of new too. Well I've been reading for a while and just started replying. I hope it helps you - I find just knowing there are others feeling the same is a relief. :)