Really struggling...

[Penguin]

Three days ago I found out my friends brother committed suicide and it's really consuming my thoughts. I struggle with anxiety mainly and depression from time to time, and recently hearing about this tragedy has got me feeling a little messed up. Everything has been making me feel crappy lately and i'm having a real hard time staying positive in regards to my relationships and self-confidence. I'm starting to hate myself more and more from the way I look to the way I act and I am no longer feeling comfortable in my own skin. I've lost a lot of interest in going out and maintaing relationships with people from highschool (i'm 18 and graduated this past June) and all I want to do is hang in small groups with people or just fully stay home and go on the computer or watch TV shows..... alone. I'm losing interest in a lot of social aspects and i'd rather spend a lot of my time alone whereas a lot of my friends are into doing things in huge groups, such as going to clubs, bars, etc. I think a huge part of me not wanting to go out is because I feel so ugly and useless and uncomfortable so I don't want to dress up and be around big groups of people.

Suicide is something that's been on my mind a lot the past year... i'm not saying that i've made a plan or anything, but when times are tough I truly feel a sense of relief and comfort knowing there's a way out. I'm just a little confused as to whether these thoughts are normal or not. If anyone has tips or advice on how to get out of this funk, i'd greatly appreciate it. For the past 1-2 years i've just felt so unconfident and I don't really know what to do. I look at other people and i'm always so jealous of them when comparing their lives to mine and it really sucks and ruins a lot of time I should be enjoying.

[Anne1221]

Penguin...please get some help for yourself. Find a good therapist to talk to and get some guidance on how to overcome these things that are weighing you down. I know it's not easy to find a good therapist, but it is well worth the effort! That person will become the one you can unburden your problems onto and help you navigate a way to a better life.

[Lothlorien]

I strongly agree with Anne; if you have suicidal thoughts--no matter how small or insignificant they may seem--SEEK PROFESSIONAl HELP! You don't want to make the mistake your friend's brother made. Think of how upset that is making you. And then think of all the people who would feel just as terrible if you did that same thing. I'm sorry you have so much to go through. I went through a really rough time last year where I was suicidal, but fortunately I had very supportive people around me and they didn't let me do it. I have recovered from that breakdown--thank God! Anyway, I'm sorry about your friend's brother, and I wish you the very best of luck!