Can't stop worrying about my friendships?

[laur]

Hey guys, I'm just posting this because I'm so anxious lately and I can't stop worrying so I though maybe this would help me calm down.

Summer is always a bad time for me anxiety wise for some reason, but so far I am feeling worse than ever.
This is my first summer home from college, and since senior year of high school I have been worried that my old friends have come to hate me.
I made a lot of new friends senior year after making a lot of improvement on my social phobias throughout the year and was very proud of myself, but soon my old friends began to stop talking to me. They used to have parties and not invite me and then tell me about them all later. When we all went to college they made a group text and did not include me in it and started to ignore me all together and told my other friends behind my back that we were not friends anymore. It was after this that my anxiety became worse than it had been in a long time and I started to worry that even my new college friends would soon hate me too.
I started to avoid people because all I could do was try to figure out what I had done to make my old friends hate me and worry about what a bad friend and person I am. My temper became really short and it seemed like I was always in a bad mood. My college friends got angry at me and confronted me about my behavior. I apologized to them and they said it was fine, but we have not talked that much so far this summer and now I am worried that I have pushed them away too?!
Sorry for the rant, but I cannot stop thinking that I am a bad friend and I am worried that I am just the type of person that is unable to keep friends., which I really hope is not true.
Does anyone have any advice for what I can do to stop mulling over this? I can't eat or sleep because all I can do is worry.
Help?

[chanellebourgeois]

Okay, so basically, what you're saying is that you feel as though you've done something wrong, and all that worrying about if you've done something wrong has made you emotionally stressed, and you think that somehow, you've offended your other friends. Okay, to me, it sounds like you're a very sensitive person. And my suggestion to you, is that you should just do you, and if anything, tell those nice friends you have, just explain to them your problem. They'll understand, if they are real friends, because I explained it to my friend Elizabeth, and me and her are rock solid. She understands fine. You see, that whole "they said this and that behind my back" is highschool mentality, and if you believe that anybody has done that to you, or anything similar to that, you shouldn't worry about being all up in their faces anyway, because obviously, they don't understand what growing up is, and haven't grown out of that, and if they have anything to say to you, or anybody, about them, they should be old enough to confront that person by themselves. And, college is not all about making friends and stuff, it's okay to have only one or two, that's fine. Don't you think you got more important things to worry about, besides what they think? Let them talk, they're missing out on their own. don't let anybody intimidate you, because everybody enrolled in that college had to do the same thing to get in there, if it's a high class college, every body enrolled in there is high class. If it's a low class college, every body in there is attending a LOW CLASS college everyday. SO nobody is better or worse than anybody. Think about you, and don't let any arrogant, ignorant people push you down. You gotta get back up. You have to fight, no matter what anyone says. Don't you EVER say you're not what you wanna be because of him, or her, them, or anybody. Cowards do that, and that is not you! You're better than that! this is who you are, this is what you do, and your DNA is greatness. Behind every fear, is the person you wanna be. Are you really gonna let them take that away from you? You stand up, and say I can, I will, and I must. People are going to talk about you whether you're black, white, nice, mean, attractive, ugly, quiet, loud, fat, skinny, it don't matter. Do what makes you happy because trust me, this will certainly not be the last time someone talks about you it is not the first either, whether you know that or not so do what you do anyway, because it wont stop, and no matter what you are, who you are, or where you are, people are going to talk about you! Youre young, you've got a long life ahead of you filled with people talking about you. Any friend, that has the decency to talk about you behind your back is no friend worth having at all, so why even waste time thinking about the individual. There are so many people in the world, and you're letting them affect you?! Forget them!, And I guarantee you, once you stop caring about what others think, and how you are "affecting them" you'll have the world.

[laur]

Thank you so much, thinking about it that way really takes a huge weight off my shoulders!