Having mindblocks, unable to focus, unable to sleep

[matcha]

Hi all,

Was just wondering if any of you guys have experienced mind blocks or a feeling of being extremely spaced out for an extended period of time before? I've been experiencing this for the past few days, and it pretty much feels like I'm on autopilot, I'm somewhat not fully conscious of what I'm doing. Even when I sit down and accidentally bump into things, I can't feel much of the pain (which should hurt usually lol). It's like my feelings have been reduced by 80%.

Maybe a bit of a backstory would help.

Might be a little triggering so I'll just put the text in white? Sorry I'm new to this forum so I have no idea how to work this thing :/

Have gone through sexual abuse at age 8 while staying with my grandparents, and finally left when I was around 10 years old after my father found out (parents are divorced but I've never been close to my parents. I was staying with a nanny (who provided me with a family so I'm incredibly grateful and loved) until my grandparents made me go live with them at age 8).

Went back to live with my father for awhile, before going back to my nanny's place at age 11. Lost some weight because I was chubby when I was 13 (got a lot of shit for it from my father), and I continued an unhealthy eating habit. Age 14, continued to starve myself occasionally, and then begin losing some of my hair (though I didn't give a shit and it wasn't that obvious yet). Went through some friendship problems at age 15/16, and pretty much spiralled down towards depression. I starved, I cut, and pretty much fucked myself over. It lasted for awhile, and each time I thought it was getting better my depression and anxiety came back in waves. My heart beats really fast and I'd feel faint and stuff, but I never had a full blown panic attack or so to speak.

I still get the occasional rage attack over the whole sexual abuse thing, and I often end up crying because I'm so tired. I suppose I somewhat blamed my father for never reporting that to the police. And I still have to visit my grandparents every once in a while. I often catch myself thinking bad thoughts, things like how my grandmother deserved the cancer and all the countless operations she got because it's karma for letting the abuse continue, and most of the time I wish I could lash out at my grandfather. But I never did, I usually keep all the rage to myself before exploding into tears or cutting myself.

TLDR; I went through some family problem, along with self-esteem and weight issues.

Right now I'm half a year away from choosing a college, and I'm in the middle of my internship, and I honestly feel quite lost.

And with my friends I never feel like I'm good enough, I always think that I'm second rate to them because people would choose them over me, and I'm never the important one people wouldn't want to lose. I'm basically sick and tired, but I've been having difficulties sleeping despite how tired I am, and my hair is falling out in chunks :/

But yeah, I suppose the main point of this post is to ask if anyone has ever experience that kind of mind block before?

[Mmm]

Maybe? Here's what happens to me sometimes: something agitates me (a dog barking or if I start to feel overwhelmed -sometimes by simple tasks like choosing an outfit or doing laundry) and then I space out and feel almost paralyzed (not literally I just find it very difficult to move or do anything) and even if I'm thinking coherently in my mind it is almost impossible to communicate outwardly with others. These episodes became less of a problem when I stopped the particular medication I was on (Cipralex) but they still do happen occasionally or at least not as severely. Not sure if that's exactly what you're going through. But anxiety/depression finds lots of different ways of manifesting itself in individuals. It sounds like you've gone through a seriously tough time in your life and it's very understandable that you would feel rage, depression, anxiety. As someone who is very guilty of bottling up emotions, I can tell you it is much better to find outlets of expression -whether it's to a counselor, a friend, someone you trust, or even through a creative means. Although confronting people who hurt you can be very beneficial, it isn't always possible or safe. The important thing is to tell someone. I think you're making a good step here sharing your feelings on the forum! Personally, I go to counseling and I find it does help. I know counseling isn't always possible or easy to come by though.
Not feeling good enough when it comes to friends has definitely been similar to my experience. It sucks! My guess if your friends care about your more than you think. I know for me personally sometimes I'm so afraid of rejection I have a hard time building and maintaining friendships. Have you opened up to your friends about your experiences? It can be really hard, and to be honest sometimes people don't respond in a way that is particularly productive. But if you do find someone you can trust it can be really helpful.
I wish you the best. What you're going through right now is really hard. There are no easy solutions but there are people -even if they're on online forums!- who can offer support.

[Ponder]

All the time! Oxygen deprivation makes it worse.

Are you stuttering yet?

[Pumpkin]

All the time! Oxygen deprivation makes it worse.

Are you stuttering yet?

I can totally relate to getting the mindblocks and to the stuttering thing... I hate it!! I notice my stutter has gotten worse over the past year and it's sooo frustrating :(

[Ponder]

Hi Pumpkin. I use it like a gauge ... Like the ringing in my ears and now this damn Hives thing - I know it's more a case when my body is taking on more than it can handle that the old parts and nuro system wants me to knock things back a gear or two. I guess it's different for different folk.

I kind of fried my circuits with chronic drug and alcohol abuse during my younger/developing years. Although other factors come into play later on, I really did myself no flavors starting off on such a self destructive course. The ensuing anxiety and need to please has had me driving my body like a machine going full throttle but with no off switch. I've been that way most of my life. It did my well as all the schools I went as I would hide behind my sports fame to get buy and also kept me in work whilst such a thing as unskilled manual labor still about. I know I have had a couple of mini strokes as I pushed myself like so well into my late 30s with over the top half marathons and bike rides up to 180km - Whilst many athletes train for that sort of thing - my issue is has been the no off switch - I push myself to hard in all I do and typically break down.

I really broke down at 40 - tried a come back at 42 doing 20km runs at full speed but then the wife was DXs with a rather shocking illness and I was sick of Societal pressure to answer every two weeks for why I could not get a job ... bla bla ...

The mind blocks got really bad, and the stuttering hit me around that same time. I tried working out real hard and one day after hitting the weights as if I was 20, my wife commented - "Dave one of your eyes looks lower than the other?" I look in the mirror and noticed the harder I trained the more one side of my face dropped and the more I could not talk proper and or remember the names of things -

After the failed suicidal attempts at trying to strangle myself with a noose in my shed, I had to live with the frustration of living with people. During such times I was unable to order myself a subway sandwich and then I would get even more frustrated almost turning mute! First comes the anxiety of simply being in a shop surrounded by people who are going to hear me make my order. That thinking alone begins with the slight stutter to which I can just manage spitting out my order - but then come all the dam questions which I hate, because I just told them what I wanted, but they want to sell you more ... So with that I stutter even more and then they look at you as if you have the plague or something.

I have often had to tell them to just forget it and walk out of the store and look for a shop that does not ask so many damn questions "Hey I know - Just go thought he drive through and say the same thing I have been saying for years ... Large Double Quarter Pounder Meal thanks - NO, NO, NO & TY"

The truth is - many people suffer this kind of thing and whilst it may not be as bad for others, the principle is the same in most cases. The block comes about from being stressed, rushed and or exhausted. My broken nose also impacts on my sleep - sinuses for others and that too for me on occasions I am sedentary for too long and not blowing of enough steam, which is why I need to find the off switch for my new bout of exercising this time around - Lack of oxygen just as with mountain climbers - only thing is, you can't regenerate dead brain cells and not taking care of one self leading to a repeated cycle of living such a way can and will in most cases lead to the problem getting worse with age.

Learning to relax, breath and meditate - planning ahead so I don't freak out in those situation where I have to order and remember - I can't drive in places I don't know as I miss signs only seeing them at the last minute then freaking out how the hell I am going to get back on the right route - same with getting around large buildings, malls and all that sort of thing. The world is like information overload for me ... always coming up with more questions, courses, credentials, papers, expectations, standards, rules, ways, ... The continual imprinting with bombarded images and voices whilst on the go and or even taking a fucking seat to catch a breath ...

It's why so many people are taking synthetics to cope with all the hype - then of couse given the fact that they are now finding insecticide in new born babies - one can attribute a slow degeneration in our nuro systems from simply being slowly poisoned with the social status factoring on how fast you go down with that.

I best pull up there before I start a S S S T U TT ERING EPPISODE ... LOL

Is what it is - absolutely nothing to be ashamed about - but people are! If you suffer with Mind Blocks and Stuttering, just accept it for what it is and use it as a gauge. All our body parts will eventually break - the more we resist, the more problems we create. Grab some O2, slow down, relax and think about what is more important for your basic needs. Most of us "anxious" types neglect our minds and bodies because we are so caught up in the past and or future - Hell - some of us even in both at the same T T IME.

N N ice to m m eet ya P P umpkin :)

[sean17]

yeah i get this All the time

[matcha]

Hello, thank you all for your replies, sorry it took me some time to get back here.



Maybe? Here's what happens to me sometimes: something agitates me (a dog barking or if I start to feel overwhelmed -sometimes by simple tasks like choosing an outfit or doing laundry) and then I space out and feel almost paralyzed (not literally I just find it very difficult to move or do anything) and even if I'm thinking coherently in my mind it is almost impossible to communicate outwardly with others. These episodes became less of a problem when I stopped the particular medication I was on (Cipralex) but they still do happen occasionally or at least not as severely. Not sure if that's exactly what you're going through. But anxiety/depression finds lots of different ways of manifesting itself in individuals. It sounds like you've gone through a seriously tough time in your life and it's very understandable that you would feel rage, depression, anxiety. As someone who is very guilty of bottling up emotions, I can tell you it is much better to find outlets of expression -whether it's to a counselor, a friend, someone you trust, or even through a creative means. Although confronting people who hurt you can be very beneficial, it isn't always possible or safe. The important thing is to tell someone. I think you're making a good step here sharing your feelings on the forum! Personally, I go to counseling and I find it does help. I know counseling isn't always possible or easy to come by though.
Not feeling good enough when it comes to friends has definitely been similar to my experience. It sucks! My guess if your friends care about your more than you think. I know for me personally sometimes I'm so afraid of rejection I have a hard time building and maintaining friendships. Have you opened up to your friends about your experiences? It can be really hard, and to be honest sometimes people don't respond in a way that is particularly productive. But if you do find someone you can trust it can be really helpful.
I wish you the best. What you're going through right now is really hard. There are no easy solutions but there are people -even if they're on online forums!- who can offer support.

I do try to surf tumblr and stuff related to anxiety and depression, it really helped seeing how people cope and deal with their problems, and in a while it gives me some kind of ideas on how I should deal with it. I haven't actually been properly diagnosed yet, but I've seen a doctor recently and he told me to go for a thyroid test first. Thank you for your kind words!


Hi Pumpkin. I use it like a gauge ... Like the ringing in my ears and now this damn Hives thing - I know it's more a case when my body is taking on more than it can handle that the old parts and nuro system wants me to knock things back a gear or two. I guess it's different for different folk.

I kind of fried my circuits with chronic drug and alcohol abuse during my younger/developing years. Although other factors come into play later on, I really did myself no flavors starting off on such a self destructive course. The ensuing anxiety and need to please has had me driving my body like a machine going full throttle but with no off switch. I've been that way most of my life. It did my well as all the schools I went as I would hide behind my sports fame to get buy and also kept me in work whilst such a thing as unskilled manual labor still about. I know I have had a couple of mini strokes as I pushed myself like so well into my late 30s with over the top half marathons and bike rides up to 180km - Whilst many athletes train for that sort of thing - my issue is has been the no off switch - I push myself to hard in all I do and typically break down.

I really broke down at 40 - tried a come back at 42 doing 20km runs at full speed but then the wife was DXs with a rather shocking illness and I was sick of Societal pressure to answer every two weeks for why I could not get a job ... bla bla ...

The mind blocks got really bad, and the stuttering hit me around that same time. I tried working out real hard and one day after hitting the weights as if I was 20, my wife commented - "Dave one of your eyes looks lower than the other?" I look in the mirror and noticed the harder I trained the more one side of my face dropped and the more I could not talk proper and or remember the names of things -

After the failed suicidal attempts at trying to strangle myself with a noose in my shed, I had to live with the frustration of living with people. During such times I was unable to order myself a subway sandwich and then I would get even more frustrated almost turning mute! First comes the anxiety of simply being in a shop surrounded by people who are going to hear me make my order. That thinking alone begins with the slight stutter to which I can just manage spitting out my order - but then come all the dam questions which I hate, because I just told them what I wanted, but they want to sell you more ... So with that I stutter even more and then they look at you as if you have the plague or something.

I have often had to tell them to just forget it and walk out of the store and look for a shop that does not ask so many damn questions "Hey I know - Just go thought he drive through and say the same thing I have been saying for years ... Large Double Quarter Pounder Meal thanks - NO, NO, NO & TY"

The truth is - many people suffer this kind of thing and whilst it may not be as bad for others, the principle is the same in most cases. The block comes about from being stressed, rushed and or exhausted. My broken nose also impacts on my sleep - sinuses for others and that too for me on occasions I am sedentary for too long and not blowing of enough steam, which is why I need to find the off switch for my new bout of exercising this time around - Lack of oxygen just as with mountain climbers - only thing is, you can't regenerate dead brain cells and not taking care of one self leading to a repeated cycle of living such a way can and will in most cases lead to the problem getting worse with age.

Learning to relax, breath and meditate - planning ahead so I don't freak out in those situation where I have to order and remember - I can't drive in places I don't know as I miss signs only seeing them at the last minute then freaking out how the hell I am going to get back on the right route - same with getting around large buildings, malls and all that sort of thing. The world is like information overload for me ... always coming up with more questions, courses, credentials, papers, expectations, standards, rules, ways, ... The continual imprinting with bombarded images and voices whilst on the go and or even taking a fucking seat to catch a breath ...

It's why so many people are taking synthetics to cope with all the hype - then of couse given the fact that they are now finding insecticide in new born babies - one can attribute a slow degeneration in our nuro systems from simply being slowly poisoned with the social status factoring on how fast you go down with that.

I best pull up there before I start a S S S T U TT ERING EPPISODE ... LOL

Is what it is - absolutely nothing to be ashamed about - but people are! If you suffer with Mind Blocks and Stuttering, just accept it for what it is and use it as a gauge. All our body parts will eventually break - the more we resist, the more problems we create. Grab some O2, slow down, relax and think about what is more important for your basic needs. Most of us "anxious" types neglect our minds and bodies because we are so caught up in the past and or future - Hell - some of us even in both at the same T T IME.

N N ice to m m eet ya P P umpkin :)


I can totally relate to getting the mindblocks and to the stuttering thing... I hate it!! I notice my stutter has gotten worse over the past year and it's sooo frustrating :(

i'm so sorry to hear that! i haven't started stuttering, but i tend to turn mute the moment my heart starts racing, and lots of thoughts would go through my head, but i can't get a word out. it's terrifying actually :|