How in the world do I get out of this rut and constant bad luck? Please help :(

[savingkie]

I could really use some help getting out of this absolute funk I've been in lately. It all started with my anxiety worsening after it had subsided for QUITE a while, and I was truly happy with my life for over a year, but then everything flipped upside down. This year was my first year of high school, so naturally, it's a tough adjustment for even the most laid back people. Yet for me, it hit me harder than I expected. My emetephobia and OCD got so bad that I was forcibly put on Zoloft, as I was missing a lot of school due to high anxiety levels (School has always been an issue). While on Zoloft, I was so sick and nauseous that I lost around 10 pounds, and I quickly slipped into a depression after being stuck in my house for over two weeks over Christmas Break. I was completely freaked our after reading the black box warning about the possible side effect of suicidal thoughts, as my OCD revolved around the fear of hurting myself or others. After begging my psychotherapist with the advocation of my parents (they had seen a major change in me while on the medicine) I finally got off it. And that was the start to what I didn't know would be the worst year of my life. My honor roll grades dropped to 70s, I quit playing sports, and I lost interest in many things that used to make me happy. My happy go lucky positively thinking attitude quickly slipped away, and all I can now focus on is the immense feelings of depression and "craziness" that I feel. When I say craziness, I mean that I truly do not feel like myself at all, I constantly feel agitated and on edge, not to mention I often feel like crying and just sleeping 24/7. Although school is almost over, I'm finding it really hard to find the strength to push through and successfully make it through the rest of the year, as I feel like I can't.

My life has literally been the following:
The trial of Zoloft -> Onset of depression -> weaning off Zoloft -> being absolutely miserable and having disregulated emotions -> withdrawal from things I love -> a major spike in my OCD -> breaking my toe by accident -> getting a series of blood tests done for genetic testing in order to find the root cause for my anxiety (which does run in my family) in order to find something to alleviate it -> constantly feeling like I don't have the ability to function normally -> feeling out of control and terrified -> feeling like I'm often close to a nervous breakdown -> family issues because my family does everything they can to help me but nothing works -> getting a 504 plan at school -> still having issues getting to school -> trying Inositol, Vitamin D, and a biotuner in order to try to make my anxiety and newfound depression subside -> and finally up to today, where I spent the day in the hospital as I felt extremely sick (nausea, dizziness, weakness) and had a raised red rash all over my face which was apparently was due to me sitting close to a bonfire I was at with my family.
(Although the broken toe and two hospital visits have nothing to do with anxiety or depression, I figured that I would share my bad luck, I've been to the hospital two times in the past 2 months, and that's more than I've been in my entire life)

Will this ever end? I completely feel like I've lost every sense of my old self, and I have absolutely no clue what to do. I feel hopeless and terrified, as I've tried to many different treatments (Zoloft, excercise, eating healthy, meditation, positive thinking, vitamins, therapy, CBT, and ERP) and none of them have been effective. Every day is a major struggle, and it leaves me feeling exhausted and depressed. All my emotions are so overwhelming, and all I want is to be happy again and to be back to when I woke up every morning thanking God for the life he gave me.

Please help, what can I do to start to regulate myself once again? I just started on a Vitamin B complex capsule with folate and inositol today, so what else can I do? :(

[free808]

Oh man. I feel bad for you. Just reading that 2nd paragraph made me feel like I was going to have my own panic attack right here and now. I wish I could help you. For me, the thing that helped me the most was making some major lifestyle changes and just focusing on making my own decisions in life and doing what makes me happy. It didn't make my anxiety go away overnight -- it still took me several years -- but that is what eventually helped me.

I would try to keep up with some of those things, though. Exercise, healthy eating, thinking more positively...they might not make you feel better immediately, but NOT doing them can only make matters worse, I would think. I mean, think about doing the opposite (laying around, eating junk food all day, thinking negative thoughts...). THAT'S no good, right?

Is there any small, teeny-tiny activity you could do in the next day or two that is fun for you? Something easy? Somthing totally doable, even though you feel like garbage? I've found that doing little things can have a positive effect on my mood, and accomplishing one small thing makes it a little easier to do one more small thing, etc. Like...just emptying the trash can from my kitchen. Or just washing the dishes. Or for you, maybe just doing one page of homework or going to watch your school's baseball game or something.

I mean, it might not cure anything, but it could help. For me, whenever I do something -- even something small -- I feel good about it. I have this small sense of achievement, and that makes me feel good about myself, even if it's only for a moment. But that good feeling makes it a little easier for me to go and do one more little thing. All those little things add up over time.

And they sure won't make you feel worse about yourself. =)

Good luck.

Keep posting and chatting with folks in here and in your real life too. I bet there are plenty of people who want to see you be happy again and want to help.

[superchick22684]

I'm not sure if I'm going to be any help but reading your post takes me back to when I was first diagnosed with anxiety during my junior year of college. My pdoc had me try three antidepressants over a years time just trying to find something that would make me feel human again. The one thing that made the most difference for me was therapy. I had one on one therapy and group therapy and being able to talk to someone about what was going on was a major help. You have come to the right place, I hope that posting and chatting with people on this forum helps you not only with any questions you have but to help you know that you are not alone in your struggles.
I have to agree with free808 about finding something small to do that is an enjoyable activity. Sometimes that can lift your mood or act as a temporary distraction from the chaos that is going on.
I know that I said it once already in this post but please know that you are not alone. Your post reminds me very much of how I felt right after I had my first panic attack.