When you can't trust your own best friends

[amielou]

I can imagine most of us on here have had an experience or a person in our lives that has triggered our social anxiety, I was a really insecure teenager with low self esteem and always felt basically like I wasn't good enough, that escalated into feeling like my friends didn't like me enough and that I was going to be let down and rejected by them. I had a really close girl friend who I became close with very quickly, she used to tell me how important I was to her, how much she loved me and how she would never let me down. She knew how anxious I was about other friends and I felt like I could always talk to her and she would reassure and not judge me, she had depression and anxiety too so we helped each other through it. I know I was such a good friend to her but slowly she started to say things that just weren't helping me, encouraging me to distance myself from other friends and only focus on her. She would tell me other friends treated me badly and would manipulate situations to make me feel more anxious for example, make comments about how another friend didn't talk to me much yet they had spent loads of time chatting, was there a problem, which would make me think there was a problem when there wasn't. I trusted her so much and everything she said it took another friend to step in and make me realise what was happening. I guess she took a lot of stuff out on me and by making me feel bad made herself feel better. Eventually things reached a peak and we fell out over a comment a mutual friend made to her, it was nothing to do with me but she lost it at me, called me a shit friend, made up a lot of lies about me and we haven't spoken for 2 years. In that time I haven't seen her but last weekend I bumped into her at a gig and just tried to be civil but she wanted to talk seriously, she admitted that she had treated me badly and was sorry for the things she did and that she was much better now. It gave me a sense of peace that she apologised and reminded me that I did nothing wrong and it was her issues.

The only thing is the whole experience has given me a really negative mind towards female friends, which I can't seem to shake off. I can't rid myself of the sinking feeling that this will happen to me again, that I shouldn't trust friends because they might do the same thing. I have some really lovely friends who care about me and I have fun with but I have so many niggling feelings in the back of my mind that they are going to abandon me or go off together and leave me out, it sounds ridiculous but how can I get over the sense of betrayal and dis trust that this girl has left me with and move on with my life and other friends?

[ames]

Hun, i know how bad it feels to not be able to trust people and not be able to follow your gut instinct on people because it gets distorted with overwhelming feelings so it feels like your gut is warning you against everyone. I don't think i'm one for giving advise as i don't trust one single person in this world. All i can say is i think there are genuine good people out there, you just have to try and realize not everyone is out to hurt you. Take slow steps and remember trust needs to be earned, so it might take time, however don't let it stop you from socializing. maybe go see a psychiatrist and talk to them about your trust issues. They may be able to untangle your emotions.
When you feel anxious take a few deep slow breaths, as it makes your mind focus on something else rather then the bad and also gives more oxygen to your brain!