catlady
05-17-2014, 07:43 PM
Hi everyone, I have had anxiety for about 5 years now, and it has gradually gotten worse over the course of time.
When I first had anxiety, it was only caused when I smoked weed, so of course I quit doing that... but then about a year later I was seeing a guy from England who was in Canada (where I live), and he had to go back to England to renew his work visa. While he was in England for 3 months my anxiety got worse and worse. I started to be afraid of leaving my house, leaving the town I lived in, being in cars, eating in public, etc. I ended up getting over that aspect of it and then it was only 'big' things that caused me great fear. For example going to concerts or going to big cities that I was unfamiliar with. I still would get myself to do those things and eventually it got better. This time around, I had what I'm beginning to think is a nervous break down this past January which lasted about 3 weeks. My anxiety turned into just panic. Absolute horror at all times, I could barely eat or sleep or think or do anything. I have had good days and bad days since then, but it's seeming like more bad than good.
I have now developed a huge fear of germs, diseases, food poisoning or ingesting drugs of some sort without knowing. And over the past couple of days, I'm starting to be anxious when I'm left alone. I live with my boyfriend, and he's on a stretch of afternoon shifts for 9 days, and for the past 3 of them I have just been anxious and panicking. You know how it goes, you get the physical symptoms of anxiety so then you feel like you're sick, and then when you think you're sick you feel more anxious, and you just get tangled in this great big loop. I think it's been bad because I've had a headache over the past couple of days, I didn't have one yesterday really but for 3 days before that it was pretty bad. Well, today it's bad again, so then that's making me feel sick to my stomach and anxious. I just feel like everything will be better when he gets home from work, and I hate feeling like that. I want to be able to relax and enjoy my time by myself, watch some tv, go grocery shopping, have a bath, whatever, but all I can seem to do is watch tv and try to distract myself so desperately whilst my head feels no better.
BTW, I don't like to take pills, those are a huge fear of mine, I feel like I'm an alien or something and I'm different from the ENTIRE WORLD and pills will kill me although they're safe for everyone else. My rational brain knows that this is absolutely silly, but my anxiety ridden irrational brain over powers my rational thought.
If anyone has anything to say, it would be greatly appreciated, from one anxious mess to another, thanks guys. <3
When I first had anxiety, it was only caused when I smoked weed, so of course I quit doing that... but then about a year later I was seeing a guy from England who was in Canada (where I live), and he had to go back to England to renew his work visa. While he was in England for 3 months my anxiety got worse and worse. I started to be afraid of leaving my house, leaving the town I lived in, being in cars, eating in public, etc. I ended up getting over that aspect of it and then it was only 'big' things that caused me great fear. For example going to concerts or going to big cities that I was unfamiliar with. I still would get myself to do those things and eventually it got better. This time around, I had what I'm beginning to think is a nervous break down this past January which lasted about 3 weeks. My anxiety turned into just panic. Absolute horror at all times, I could barely eat or sleep or think or do anything. I have had good days and bad days since then, but it's seeming like more bad than good.
I have now developed a huge fear of germs, diseases, food poisoning or ingesting drugs of some sort without knowing. And over the past couple of days, I'm starting to be anxious when I'm left alone. I live with my boyfriend, and he's on a stretch of afternoon shifts for 9 days, and for the past 3 of them I have just been anxious and panicking. You know how it goes, you get the physical symptoms of anxiety so then you feel like you're sick, and then when you think you're sick you feel more anxious, and you just get tangled in this great big loop. I think it's been bad because I've had a headache over the past couple of days, I didn't have one yesterday really but for 3 days before that it was pretty bad. Well, today it's bad again, so then that's making me feel sick to my stomach and anxious. I just feel like everything will be better when he gets home from work, and I hate feeling like that. I want to be able to relax and enjoy my time by myself, watch some tv, go grocery shopping, have a bath, whatever, but all I can seem to do is watch tv and try to distract myself so desperately whilst my head feels no better.
BTW, I don't like to take pills, those are a huge fear of mine, I feel like I'm an alien or something and I'm different from the ENTIRE WORLD and pills will kill me although they're safe for everyone else. My rational brain knows that this is absolutely silly, but my anxiety ridden irrational brain over powers my rational thought.
If anyone has anything to say, it would be greatly appreciated, from one anxious mess to another, thanks guys. <3