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View Full Version : Irrational thoughts driving me bonkers



Mockingbird
05-12-2014, 06:42 PM
I hurt someone, unintentionally, and cut ties because the relationship was toxic. We tried working things out but it just wasn't a healthy friendship at all.

It got to the point that I only kept the relationship because of guilt and fear. Ending the relationship and cutting all ties were really, really scary for me but necessary.

This person has no history of violence but I'm still scared. It's been two and a half weeks since we've communicated at all. They haven't tried to show up at my house or work but my brain keeps coming up with insane scenarios that keep me up at night because I make them so real in my head. I even had a dream that they burned my house down.

My counselor said that usually the most volatile time of cutting ties with someone is usually the first few hours to the first few days. Everyone says that I'll be OK. That the worst is over over, and I need to move on but I'm still frozen in fear. Whenever I see their vehicle, I panic. Whenever I go out, I look for his vehicle in the parking lot because I don't want him to confront me.

I don't know why I'm turning this person into a monster in my head, someone who would hurt me or my loved ones. He is a bit abusive emotionally and is manipulative but again, he's never physically hurt anyone.

There's really no reason for this constant anxiety but I can't seem to let go of the irrationality.

I don't know why or how I've become so cowardly. I usually get over things after a few days...but I'm just not handling this situation well mentally.

needtogetwell
05-14-2014, 09:17 AM
Mocking bird,

Your therapist is right, but it may just take some time for your brain to catch up.

One suggestion, maybe a visual record of all that has not happened over the past few days can help. Write it all down and put it somewhere you can look at it frequently. Whenever a thought pushes through. I think if we can see these things on paper then the brain is likely to accept it.

Good luck
Pam

Mockingbird
05-14-2014, 02:57 PM
Thank you. That's a good idea.

I'm feeling a little better today though I thought I saw his vehicle again and had a moment but I'm collecting myself again.

I really appreciate your advice.

Mockingbird
05-15-2014, 04:10 PM
NeedtoGetWell -- thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I did what you said and I'm slowly feeling so much better. I wrote down what I've seen or experienced in the last few days -- each moment was followed by "nothing bad happened."

I am slowly grasping the concept of just letting this go and normalize my life again. I may still have my moments but I'm better today than I have been in weeks.

Your advice rocked.

needtogetwell
05-15-2014, 06:31 PM
So glad I could help.

Sometimes when you are so close to a situation you can't see the Forrest for the trees!

All I asked you to do is look at it from a different perspective. Sometimes a total stranger can offer us a key to some freedom and peace of mind.

I'm so happy I could offer you that key, and you had the courage to use it.

I hope your days continue to get better.

Cheers, and you rock because you are taking control of your life!

Pam