My friend, Merlot...

[OmfgJaney]

Getting drunk on this fine Tuesday night! My tail is yellow, currently...!

Listening to Achilles Last Stand. Zep is my soul band, I think.

I have this need to be creative, but it's not quite working. Tried a little craft shit, but don't have the steady hand I need. Don't let me be your surgeon.
You know, every day I wish I were rich. I think then people would want to be my friend.

I've always been popular, but with boys. I might just be a whore of the mind. I'm quite sure I've had sex so many times in other peoples' minds.
I've always lacked friends. Real friends. I had maybe 2 friends in high school. Both left me for Jesus, what do you know?
I think my personality is too caustic, random and dynamic. It's unstable and unappealing to others, I suppose.
That's why I never get replies on here. I most definitely don't expect one with this post.
I can't get along with girls; won't sleep around with guys. That leaves me to my very best friends: dogs, insects and plants to talk to.
Oh yes, and myself. The self-dialogue is always there. I talk to myself.
I literally don't have a single friend. When my boyfriend goes to work, I have no one.
I lead a very lonely life...my job I am alone...at home I am generally alone. My boyfriend has his friends he talks to, and of course that's natural. So when he's talking to his friends, I am alone. I don't want to drain every ounce of attention from him. That's not right.
People just get sick of me, I can't explain it. When I first meet them, they think I'm so unique and awesome...and then after a while they get tired of my randomness.
I might just have a personality disorder. Or something wrong with me.

I feel frustratingly bored...angrily bored...depressingly bored...out of touch with reality, current on-goings and other people.
Too full of myself at times to realize how annoying and ignorant I am. I am no one to others. No one. I am no one.

[JohnC]

Obviously your boyfriend feels something for you. Sounds like maybe you should visit your doctor if you haven't already. There is a lot of us who do not make friends well for what ever reason. Sorry I do not have some really sophisticated sounding response but I am sure that if you spend some time and do a little reading of older post you may find some stuff that will help you if you haven't already. Ask some general questions and if someone on here can help they sure will.
ONE day at a time.
Good luck and ask away

[Exactice]

Hmmm I felt like you many of times.... you know the funny part I have found some enjoyment in talking to my self. I realize I am not alone when I chat with myself. Is that crazy? No, its self reflection and practice when I do actually talk to others. By me hearing my voice and responding to it, it makes more more cognitive of what the heck I am saying to others. Before I use to have "Diarrhea" mouth sh!t just kept coming out and I didnt know when to shut up or watch what I say.

So being alone just gives you the opportunity to reflect on how to better yourself. Not how bad things are.

There are people that love my personality and people that just cant stand me.... .I just choose to surround myself with those that appreciate me. If I find out other wise... guess what? I move on looking for the next big excitement. Its not a rule that you have to have friends for 20 years I can have new friends every year for 20 years.... nothing wrong with that!

You are not alone.... you have people right here that understand what you are going through, you are right they may not respond but you are not alone... we all just deal with what we got in different ways!

If not! Im your friend =)!

[OmfgJaney]

Thank you John C. <33 I'm drunk now, but it means a lot.

[OmfgJaney]

Oh yeah, Exactice! Your reply came right as I typed mine. LOL Thanks babe!!!

I'm super drunk right now, kinda loopy. Talking to yourself is okay sometimes

[Dahila]

Janey sober or drunk , be kind to yourself, please...

[Anne1221]

I wish you had a way to be around other people. If your job causes you to be alone, maybe you could do some volunteer work twice a week or join some group where you can at least be around other people. It can make a difference. And, you are SOMEONE, please know that.

[Dorriekeepson23]

Hey Janey, just letting you know how many times I feel the very same way you do. You're not alone in what you might find so strange. I have my three good friends since gradeschool, but other than that, I never made friends, especially with the girls, for some reason as well. Loneliness can be hell. It really can. Up until recently, I was alone all of the time too. One of our daughter's moved here to live with us for a while. Wants to go to nursing school. She keeps me company a lot, but she too will be going to school, and working part time too, and I'll go back to being alone. I'm not complaining about my life. Just telling you I understand, because I can't work, and I'm a people person, and it kills me. Well, I used to be a people person. I don't feel very needed, like I thought I was. Lol. People can shove some BS up you, and then turn around and act like you don't exist. And it hurts like hell. Because we are so lonely, when we think we have made a friend, and it turns out your really not that great of a friend, that we'd been told we were, whether we're willing to admit it or not, it does hurt. I certainly understand how you feel, but your too good to let this keep you down. Remember that. People are always going to disappoint you. Even the ones you love the most. But that's their loss. Their doing. Don't let this keep you down. You're too darn funny and hard headed too. lol. I meant that just playing. I'm hard headed too. Well, I had to reply to you. Been really busy of late. Moving my stepdaughter in, and possibly another son. Getting ready to move. I was sad to read this, though. Keep your chin up. It's hard, but possible. Take care, Janey. Dorrie

[trinidiva]

I feel the same as you Janey. Not a whole lot of friends. People think I am reserved and quiet but I am so far from that....makes me wonder sometimes about the vibes I throw off. I have started stepping out of my comfort zone and going new places snd trying new things. Talking to people who have common interests. ......its hard for me but you gotta step out there.

[Kabukicho]

I understand how you're feeling. I feel that way myself quite often.

Unfortunately, for me, medicating with alcohol / benzos just led to shaky hands and insomnia...