What to do?

[oban]

Hi all, I'm a newbie...but I'm really trying to get a handle on my situation. In the past, I have felt anxiety, some ocd symptoms and maybe mild depression (which usually alleviates after an issue gets resolved). My mind is in constant rumination about how to fix things. My wife suggested I had ADHD, and a psychiatrist prescribed me Concerta (ritalin). I took it for two years, it was great for focus/concentration and feeling positive, but any big issues would ramp my anxiety up, so I stopped taking it. My biggest issue now is my relationship with my wife and children, and with my parents. She contends I would favour them over her and the kids, and it has led to a lot of issues to the point where we are close to divorce. I am an only child. The problem is, I think about them constantly, never criticize them, and any decisions I think (to myself) how that would affect them (maybe obsessing?). I won't hesitate, however to get mad at my wife. When I am anxious I mumble under my breath (and people have noticed). I argue with her about everything and how things 'should be', and even in front of the kids. I need resolutions to things. My parents get left out of things (basically because of the way they have been) and it causes me a lot of stress. I forget the conversations my wife and I have and the rationale behind things she says. I can be very irritable. She says I because of the way I am, I piss everyone off. I also sometimes laugh at the most inappropriate times (like when we're disciplining the kids or having a serious conversation). I sometimes come close crying over the silliest things. I also have difficulty playing with the kids because I am afraid of my mind spinning (usually about my wife and my parents, but really any stressful situation). She says sometimes I am not present, and doesn't trust me 100%. She looks at me sometimes like I am a mental patient. It has caused a lot of problems. I went back to my psychiatrist, and she suggested I take Cymbalta as something to help my ADHD (not sure if that's what it is), OCD, and anxiety.

The funny thing is, my co-workers would say I am the most in-control, relaxed person they ever met! I guess I am really good at hiding it.

The Cymbalta has been in the medicine cabinet for 2 weeks. Do you think Cymbalta will help my relationships, and in my life in general? Because I am really afraid of starting it- the sexual side effects, the withdrawal symptoms if I want to stop. Has anyone been given cymbalta and what difference do you think it will for me?

[Fourteen14]

Hi Oban

I don't know your situation personally, so I am drawing an opinion simply from what you have written.

I would say firstly in regards to the medication, NO amount of meds will help a relationship, they may help to control moods/behaviour but they are not and never will be a magic wand.

The key things I noticed from what you have written, appear to focus fully on your home life in that your wife and kids are the only ones who witness the other aspects of your personality?

By this, I'm referring to your comments that no one at work sees you in this way. If this were relating to a chronic disorder such as ADD, this would likely be present across all aspects of your life, and it sounds possibly that the changes occur only when you are being asked to conform to more of a stereotypical "parent & husband" role.

You mention there are issues between your parents and your wife? But don't mention in any detail what the problems are?

I'm merely speculating here, but I'm guessing that your wife has perhaps accused you of being unable/unwilling to share your time (stemming from previously having all of your parents attention)?

What I am attempting to get at (this is not a criticism or analysis by any means, simply observation of a couple of paragraphs of your text), but, is there the possibility that the time you do not have to compromise on who you are (work, parents etc) is when you possibly feel the most psychologically stable? And the instability is brought about only when you are faced with the identity of being "parent/husband" .

I may be entirely off the mark here (if so I apologise), my suggestion would be to consider both personal and relationship (couples) counselling in attempt to unearth the underlying problems in your relationships, medication may help your ADHD stability but I would be asking myself if, your relationship affects the ADD, rather than the other way around.

Best wishes

[Anne1221]

I agree with the counseling idea. I also think that things are not going well right now so maybe you need to try something new.
A clue here is that you are fighting with your wife a lot and what worries me is that you are not able to enjoy spending time with
your kids because you are afraid of your mind spinning. I agree with you that the side effects of AD's are not good, but maybe you could give it a try and then compare your life with them and without them and see what is better. I don't know much about Cymbalta but I love the Lexapro.

[oban]

Good points all. I continue to think that this may be not so much a diagnosable condition (ie ADD, OCD, GAD, whatever), but mainly just me being me. I think I need to recognize what sets me off and put in the hard work of using strategies to help myself and not just take a pill and the easy way out. Just a thought...

[Fourteen14]

The important thing is not apportioning any kind of "blame", we are who we are at the end of the day.

The counselling may be able to help you all focus on the GOOD aspects (you married and had kids, there has to be something that first brought you together).

It may also highlight areas where you BOTH have to work hard (or at least tolerate) this is the case in the vast majority of relationships after the initial years have passed.

There has to be room for all concerned to spread their wings (we all need this regardless of any mental health conditions).

It's common that issues go unresolved or simply end in arguments, and often we allow fear/frustration to open fully around those we care about the most.

Often, someone independent of your situation is best to mediate and provide context from both sides.

Wishing you the best of luck.

[oban]

The important thing is not apportioning any kind of "blame", we are who we are at the end of the day.

The counselling may be able to help you all focus on the GOOD aspects (you married and had kids, there has to be something that first brought you together).

It may also highlight areas where you BOTH have to work hard (or at least tolerate) this is the case in the vast majority of relationships after the initial years have passed.

There has to be room for all concerned to spread their wings (we all need this regardless of any mental health conditions).

It's common that issues go unresolved or simply end in arguments, and often we allow fear/frustration to open fully around those we care about the most.

Often, someone independent of your situation is best to mediate and provide context from both sides.

Wishing you the best of luck.

Again, great points. I am still struggling with the cymbalta thing. I have stress and fears and can be somewhat inattentive at times. Should I or shouldn't I? Has anyone had experience on this drug?

[jessy]

Hi , I take cymbalta 60mg per day . It's not great starting you will feel a bit off & have a few side effects for about a week maybe 2 , I've been in it about 8 months now & I find the only thing it's helped me with is my mood swings . I'm more level headed & calmer . I still suffer with anxiety but not quite as bad as without Cymbalta & I still struggle with depression , however I do think my depression is more down to my circumstances at the moment but I've always suffered since age 14 & I've tired many many drugs . This one is better than others I've tried . Good luck
Jessy x

[Dahila]

Cymbalta is good and is helping a lot of people, my hubby included:)

[oban]

Hi , I take cymbalta 60mg per day . It's not great starting you will feel a bit off & have a few side effects for about a week maybe 2 , I've been in it about 8 months now & I find the only thing it's helped me with is my mood swings . I'm more level headed & calmer . I still suffer with anxiety but not quite as bad as without Cymbalta & I still struggle with depression , however I do think my depression is more down to my circumstances at the moment but I've always suffered since age 14 & I've tired many many drugs . This one is better than others I've tried . Good luck
Jessy x

I have had anxiety from time to time since I was about 13. Maybe some mild depression, but not always. I was diagnosed with ADD (primarily inattentive). Seems like I always had something to worry about. I have always searched for something that would bring balance to my life. My wife says I should stay with concerta, but I find it ramps up my anxiety. I'm just wondering if I should try Cymbalta and if it would help me.

[oban]

Cymbalta is good and is helping a lot of people, my hubby included:)

What was your husband's story (if you don't mind me asking)

[superchick22684]

Back when I was taking medication Cymbalta was the one that worked best for me. I found that provided quite a bit of relief from not only my anxiety but depression as well. I still had bad days but not as many. It also helped me with being able to focus and stay on task especially at work. Not sure if that was because my anxiety was reduced or if it was a surprise positive side effect.

[oban]

Can i ask everyone how their sex drive was on cymbalta?

[jessy]

Sexual drive is affected. Same as it is on all anti depressants , I'm afraid Cymbalta is the same :(
Suppose you have to decide what's more important, ? It may be different for men anyway
Jessy x

[jessy]

Ps you could stay on your med & just get a mild benzo for the anxiety? What does your doctor think ?