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olivia4514
05-04-2014, 01:03 PM
Hey there, I just want to post something that's laying on my chest lately and I don't know where elso to do so cause I don't have any accounts on other forums. Sorry, it's gonna be kinda long but please read it and reply :)
So the thing is that I'm completely unmotivated to learn shit at school. I find nearly all the subjects and the stuff we learn just pointless and useless. At least they are for me. Plus it's all very annoying and shit. Also the teachers are like 'fuck you, you little shit I don't give a fuck what grade you have' and they just give us hard test and also do shit like this - I've had an F from german and she wanted me to answer from german again and I told her that I just did not had the time to learn it. I basically didn't knew shit. I told her that I'm gonna learn it all for the next week and I meant it , I really was gonna learn it and I asked her to not give me another F and I would answer the next week. But naah, she gives me another fucking F even though she knew that it's gonna do bad to me. What's the point of that, is THAT supposed to make me motivated ? Or make me actually want to learn anything, especialy shit that absolutely doesn't interest me ? And things like this. Man, these teachers are so fucked up. I know, it sounds like just another student complaining about shit in school but still. I also have a really short temper and these people in school keep giving me shit, so I get soo angry sometimes. And I know it's basically pointless but I can't help it. I'm just so hot headed and stuff. And I'm really just not built to put up with all that stupid shit in school. And I have all this shit in my head, anxiety, OCD, a light depression and I'm also quite depersonalized I guess, and all this I have to deal with. I had quite a breakdown too last month or so. So why on earth do I have to put up with school shit too....
You know, the thing is that if something does not interest me I just can not bring myself to ever even look it up anymore. But I have to learn it because if I don't I get another F. I just do not understand it, why do I have to learn all that shit that does not even slightly interest me, and not only that, it's also useless - which is also one of the reasons that it does not interest me. I have HORRIBLE grades because of this.I'm lucky if I make it to the next year man. I can learn anything really - I just can't bring myself to EVER do it. I also understand pretty complicated stuff too but still. I'm not even lazy because I do a lot of stuff, I also read and learn things that interest me all the time. I write and draw too. Even though yes, my fucked up head does hold me back sometimes ( especially the OCD ).
So the actual question is, how do I bring myself to learn all of that ? I'm actually kinda lacking a sense of responsibility, so if it would depend on me I'd probably drop out of school already. No kidding... But the thing is that my mom and dad and the rest of my family are VERY unhappy with my preformance in school, because they want me to have a good future way more than I do. And they think good grades are essential for that. I don't. But I really want to make them happy. That's the only reason I'm willing to learn what I don't want to learn. Yet, it doesn't seem to be enough for me to be motivated. :(
So if you have ANY tips for me, really anything, please reply to me :)

And sorry again for a long post,once I start writing I can't stop :)