Many problems at a time

[ifighter]

I am 31 years old now.
Let me list out my problems etc
1) I afraid to drive. during my childhood was driving cycles nearby with full fear always.
Also learned to drive bikes .but still feared to continue. I continue the same behaviour in college /work etc. But even now i dont know to
drive.
2) I am not good looking. starting from skin to teeth disorder .I am very much average looking.
3)Work : Not much achiver though , I was able to do my duties .there were struggles but somehow managed .And Now I am
playing key role in assignments
3) As I said Marriage proposals are going now.While mostly I am being rejected.There are few I reject.
Reason: 1) My Inablity in things like driving and all. How will I survive with my wife and kids without driving
2) Afraid of commitments
But I dont want to be single. I beleive life will be more scary in that case.
4)Things are changing.All of a sudden I feel like I am alone. As My bachelor room mates and friends getting married.
Medical history:
Had similiar anxity issues during college/earlier work days .consulted doctor after counselling and medications
(Sertraline) managed work. Now I am advised to take per week 1 (1/2+1/2) As I told doctor I feel comfortable.
And now I am getting these problems again.
sometime I feel ok but not always.
The existing doctor somehow I am not comforatable.
dont know why.Need to search for doctor advise.

Now after having searched via online .I could not find a doctor.
They are either with huge crowd or with high consulatation fee.
Never though that searching for a doctor will also become a problem :)


I might end up again with the same doctor i guess.
Whenever a marriage proposal ends at the initial talk level I feel comfortable.I know this is wrong but i am helpless.
I need to overcome these fears .
suggest me some practices so that I could face these bunch of problems.

[Dahila]

Meditation :) welcome to the forum.

[Anne1221]

Not sure that not being able to drive disqualifies you from being a great husband. If you are kind and understanding, that goes a long way towards a good relationship. Many women are married to men who are on disability and unable to do any type of work.

[ifighter]

Meditation :) welcome to the forum.

Thanks.. will have to try that too

[ifighter]

Agree..In arranged marriages Somehow I have to inform this drive factor to the girl.that is again a challenge.

[ifighter]

Got a proposal.Family want to me agree this.
But I have asked them some time to reply.

Reason:
1) I am afraid to this face this commitment .
2) somehow the girl too average looking in photo.She looks older than me .though she is younger than me around 3 years.
But the way she [via e-mail to my sister],and her family interacted to my family looks simple and good.
and she cleared some exams ,is in a safe govt job.
3) I am irritated, got angry when my family forced to proceed with the marriage talks.parents were tired of searching suitable partner. they even cried.
told my family if it is my fate let it be.
to solve temporarily i have explained them that i am confused need some time to think.


I am confused completely now.sometimes even getting suicidal thoughts.
so I am Person with avg looks, driving inability ,not so good job , lot of phobia.Giving trouble to my parents and family.
Dont know how to proceed.

[ifighter]

I am planning to reject this marriage proposal.Inspite of family pressure .Need to align my disqualifications and then go for next step.
I have no other choice I feel.

[ifighter]

Can anybody suggest me if any steps availble to overcome these bunch of problems?
As of now I have decided to take some more time to align my disqualifications.
I am in a process of getting appointment for counselling and dentist.
also I am planning to try riding bikes in my hometown

[Anne1221]

Well, I don't think a pre-arranged marriage is a good idea. What are the other specific problems you need help with? By the way, riding a bike is good.

[ifighter]

Thanks for your reply.
Problem - negative thoughts about getting married.mixed thoughts in fact. I am afraid of commitment and by the way I am afraid of being alone.
Earlier I had similar problems in my jobs too.I used to stop going to job just 1 or 2 days and used to inactive in job location.
After consulting with doctor and treated for anxiety slowly adopted to new situation and managed to work comfortably.

Somehow I feel I need a time to analyze myself and correct them.I don't know correcting my looks and riding skills can be quickly done. but still i need to show some progress and meanwhile to mentally strong.That is my aim.

I need a free ,positive mind to achieve my goals.
the thing is sometime I get full of negative thoughts.



Regarding Pre arranged marriage will be the possible option I believe (especially in a country like india and considering my age 31) but I may try to get some minimum understanding before officially engaged.

Help needed to overcome my negative thoughts.

[Anne1221]

Is there any way you can get into some counseling or therapy? That would be helpful. Maybe you could find someplace that does not charge. maybe you could take some driving courses and learn to drive. That would boost your self confidence. If I learned to drive, you can too. Due to my anxiety, I am too scared to drive on expressways but I still can get around.