Anxiety wont let me enjoy a relationship

[Lebestiole]

Hello there! :)
My name is Andre and so far the forum has been really helpful to me. So I thought I might as well post something that's been annoying me for a while now.

I met a guy a few years ago, let's call him Mr. J, and I fell in love with him fast and hard. He flirted with me, he was sweet, loving, etc. I've always had social anxiety, thus I don't have a lot of friends, so when he came into the picture I was just grateful that someone as amazing as him wanted to be with me. I really gave myself to this guy. I thought that he wanted something serious, and one day he texts me, on valentines day actually, and he says that his best friend, Diana, is finally her girlfriend, he was so happy, he talked to me about her all the time, like my feelings didn't matter at all. Obviously I was crushed, I felt cheated and small and simply not worth it. It took me almost two years to get over him.

Now I'm dating this really nice person, let's call him George. He is very sweet too, and so far he's been respectful and such a gentleman. But the thing is that after my experience with the other guy I'm even more insecure about myself than before. I just don't trust people anymore and I'm constantly punishing myself for stupid things. Always telling myself that I'm crazy for wanting to be someone's girlfriend. Always getting sad because I know that I'm not pretty enough or smart enough. Not worth the time.

Whenever I get excited about starting a relationship with George, I remember how much I suffered with Mr J.

I'm scared to death. I don't want to open up to George because I know that when our relationship is over (if we ever start one) I won't be able handle the break up like a grown up. I'm only 19. Things like this shouldn't be so hard. I'm not a romantic or anything, I just want a normal relationship. But I swear, my anxiety and my insecurities are stronger than me.

I just accepted the fact that I'm not meant for this kind of emotions, but at the same time I want them. I don't want to say 'fuck it' and mess up something that could be beautiful. :(

Any advice? And thank you so so so soooooo much if you read the entire rant. Really. :) Aaand sorry if I misspelled some words, english is not my first language! D:

[Lord Jazzinho]

I say it all the time the best way to combat anxiety is with positivity and perspective, so Firstly At least you have been able to have a relationship that in itself is something to be grateful for. Secondly my advice is live your life one day at a time and to hell with the future enjoy the good stuff while you can get it and get through the tough times when they come. At the end of the day pain is as much a part of life as pleasure but if you constantly allow the fear of what might happen to occupy your mind you will miss all of the good bits. Be firm firm with yourself and when the anxious thoughts pop into your head Say NO! I will not allow myself to pursue this line of thinking and think about something good. No matter how much that thought keeps nagging away keep refusing it and eventually it will go away. Hope this is useful :)

[Chaized]

Not got so many words of advice, just thought I'd let you know you're not the only one.. And I know how hard it is..

I met someone last February and he was perfect, for a month or so, I never thought I'd meet someone so young who I liked so much.. But then after a month he changed and was nasty to me and just seemed to hate me, I took it out on myself in some very bad ways.. And we didn't speak for a few months... Then around October he started speaking to me again, he apologised a million times and told me he'd make it up to me.. So I gave him another chance and these 8 months up to now have been the best of my life... I'm only 20 myself, and I do still get my days where I'm petrified he will go nasty again or leave me or cheat etc... But I have explained my anxiety to him and he has been so supportive, he knows how to handle me when I have a bad day, or think stupid things...

So I guess I do have some advice... If it isn't too late? Be honest with "George"... If he's all what he seems then he'll understand and stand by you... Good luck! :)