Dam Anxiety

[JohnC]

I am so tired of my Anxiety getting in the way of my relationships with my kids! My 8 years old came home and ask me to take her to the father daughter dance. I wanted to cry, I had to tell her the same thing I told my 13 year old when she asked me years ago but at that age they do not understand what a social anxiety is. My oldest who is now 13 does understand now but that does not help. My 8 year old is so loving and kind and has those big brown eyes and all I can think about is I am letting her down, dam it. I have managed to go to every play, softball game, musical and what ever else the kids have had but it was tough. For some dumb ass reason I can not make myself do this. This is the worst feeling for me. I even made myself go to the breakfast with dad but why the hell can't I do this. They do not make a Xanax big enough.

[petrified]

Hi John

There was once a person on here who told me that having kids my anxiety mustn't be as theirs.
Of course I strongly disagreed on this.
Having kids and anxiety is hard, as not only do you feel like you are letting yourself down but them as well.

I really wouldn't beat yourself up too much!
You sound like an amazing dad to your kids and plus I no plenty of dads (my hubby included) that would be avoiding the dance hehe.
I'm sure your daughter will understand as she sounds like lovely little girl and I'm sure she's a daddy's girl, as most of us girls are :-)

Why don't you make a plan to spend a night with her just the two of you :-)

Hannah

[JohnC]

Thanks Hannah,
I think I will take your advise and spend some time with just her and I. I always feel really bad when I can not overcome my anxiety especially when it comes to family. I have always said I would gladly give my life to save any of my kids but I can't even go to a dam dance. When this kind of anxiety comes over me i get so frustrated at myself. Wish it was a father daughter fishing trip or outdoor survival contest. We would then be able to do the stuff I am comfortable with. Still, it's gotta be tough for her.
Thanks again Hannah
This forum really does help a lot. wish I had this 20 years ago

[Dahila]

John Hannah does have a good idea, follow it. Unfortunately I had to raise my children, kind on my own. My ex is bipolar, it took the toll on my kids.... They both anxious and dealing with it. Lucky me they are smarter than me, or maybe have easy access to information, which did not exist when I started to have serious breaks down and panic attacks.
It seems that youngsters are smarter and do understand a lot. They are raised with more awerness that i was, or many older people. I am sure you are an excellent dad. Mine ex did not care what children feel.......

[needtogetwell]

Hey John,

I'm with Hannah and Dahila on this one. Spend some one on one time with her, maybe something you both enjoy, riding bikes or going out for ice cream together. It doesn't matter what it is, it is the giving of your time which will stay with her forever,

One of my fondest memories of my dad( he's 84 now ) was the summer he taught me how to hit a ball with a bat. That was one ugly green plastic bat but with his patience and love it wasn't long before I could wack the ball a long way, great pride for both of us.

Those are the things that matter, you find something to share with your girl, and only her, you can find something different for each of your kids so you can build special memories with each of them. That's the mark of a great dad. I have no doubt that you are just that!

Cheers
Pam

[JohnC]

Thanks Dahila and Pam,
I can see some anxiety in my oldest daughter but doesn't seem to bad at the moment. I hope that's not from me but it probably is. Dahila, i am sorry you had to raise your kids on your own. That had to have been very stressful at times for sure. ( that's probably putting it mildly )
Pam, I already told my daughter that we were going to spend the weekend together just her and I. I want my kids to have some good memories and not to many of the ones where we did not get to do that because dad had a problem kinda memory. I will say one thing, ever since I have had kids I have gone out of my comfort zone A LOT.
It's weird how I can go deep into a woods or go out on a stormy lake where most people dare to go and have no problem but try to get me to a dance and ya better have some diapers and a Xanax for dad and bring along a little oxygen too.
Thanks you guy's, seriously
.JohnC

[Dahila]

John I also had not know any English ... Hehe, I would not focus on fact that you are passing the anxiety on. It could be wrong. Life is so stressful for children, school, all this responsibilities they have........ sometimes they do not have the time to be just kids. Parents are trying to provide the distraction so they do not try drugs or other activities, and sometimes it backfires. You know that life in general is stress and stress.......We need to teach them that life is not going to be easy but they need to learn how to response to stressful situation.
Not easy task for parents:(

try to take them as much as possible outside,, nothing calms better than nature :))

[Anne1221]

I think your children are very fortunate to have such a loving father! You sound wonderful to me. Kids are so flexible. One day they will be focused on one particular thing and then the next week it's completely forgotten. They've moved on. If you create new and good memories with them, with things you feel comfortable doing, they will recall those events. Just make sure each of them feels that they are special and important to you. Anxiety is a funny thing; I could go to a dance but heaven forbid I should be on a stormy lake!

[JohnC]

Thank you all so much for the great advise, its wonderful to be able to talk with people. I live in the country and have no friends here ( I am not from this area )plus I do not make friends very easily being a loaner like I am.

[Dahila]

John we all are antisocial, people do not understand what is anxiety about and they keep saying "have fun" have fun, it pisses me off

[Anne1221]

There are so many fun things you can do with your daughter instead of the dance. A tea party with finger sandwiches (cut off the crusts), go bowling, a movie, stay home and bake cookies or make rice krispie treats. Just have a memorable, fun evening with the two of you. One important thing, give her the choice of activities. That makes it extra special!