How does anxiety effect your relationship with your partner?

[sarahadella]

First, a little about myself. I am Sarah, 26 - I have suffered from varying bouts of anxiety for most of my life. I recall the symptoms of OCD first cropping up around the age of 8, something which has always been liked with my anxiety.

I have been with my partner for the past 8 months, He is lovely and we are so happy together. I have experienced no anxiety surrounding the relationship up until a couple of weeks ago. Nothing has changed, We are as happy as ever, There has been no trigger that has started this particular bout of anxiety. Lately, I worry constantly that he is going to break up with me, I ask him all the time (In the past three weeks) if he still wants to be with me, if he still loves me. If he doesnt answer his phone I assume he has had enough of me and is never going to speak to me again. The thoughts are irrational and is making my behaviour so (calling all the time, asking if when I see him next he is going to end things). He has noticed a change in my behaviour, and although he isn't annoyed yet, if this carries on I know the constant reassurance I am requiring will soon get too much for him (understandably).

I just wanted to see if anyone else out there has any stories/experiences/tips of their own of how to deal with this particular type of anxiety. This is very much about me, I genuinely believe that I am simply the happiest I have ever been and am so scared of losing that. I want to try and nip this in the bud before it causes problems in our relationship.

[WestCanada05]

Well luckily my girlfriend also suffers from anxiety, so I can relate to her. I don't think its a good idea to ask him if he still loves you ect, that will only push him away. If he truly loves you he will stay with you through the good times and bad times. I did go through quite a bit of what you were thinking at the start of the relationship. I was dumped by my ex in a kind of out of the blue moment when I was the most in love with her. It caused a lot of long term pain and what eventually sparked my anxiety attacks and problems. With my new relationship a year later It was really tough at the start to get any form of trust. My brain in defensive mode was telling me she was going to leave as soon as something better comes along ect. It was the whole self proficiency thing. We are still together, and I have made great steps to healing myself. Its weird in a way because I thought I would never have to deal with relationship problems and anxiety at any point in my life, and well here I am with exactly that.

What might happen what you probably don't realize yet, its that he might start thinking your going to dump him with the lines of I need time to myself to figure things out, or I need space or I need to fix my anxiety and ocd problems before I can continue a relationship. I think whats best is to let him know how you are feeling, and let him know that you want to build a healthy relationship with him by taking on your and his problems together.

[annakatarinas]

Well I suffer from anxiety and also probably borderline personality disorder and it fucking sucks. I can't maintain normal relationships with people, and I've always had issues with partners. I get too intense and fast forward too soon, and when they leave me I always either threaten to kill myself or I mentally blackmail them and act as if they've never meant anything anyways. And those feelings persist. I would still say my ex of two years still "doesn't exist in my world" due to mental blackmailing. My glorified view of another ex partner from about eight months still pops up in my head and brings on thoughts about myself as not good enough etc.

So, currently, I don't have a partner, because I've realised I have no emotional or social boundaries. Theoretically, however, I would say my anxiety affects my partners in bad ways - it seems as if they're either "too sane" and run for the hills when they discover who I really am, or, they are the same kind of unstable person as I am, and we just drag each other further down and drown ourselves.

[Exactice]

With my relationship I really stressed education and being open like a book. I did nothing to hide my fears and I tried to inform my wife with as much info as she was willing to take. The great part about that is that she began an interest and started to research things on her own to help me. We found it kind of fun rather than a burden. She would try a diet of some sort or would ask me questions. She was so supportive that it made the transition easier.

I had doubts in the beginning to, but I realized if I wasnt open about it, she would think something was wrong. That would cause more tension and more doubts. It was funny as my doctor stated that Stress can be good or bad. That is what cause my flare up. Everything in my life was going great, Just got Married, business was good, etc etc... .then bam I got hit with this. But I realized that it was all stress regardless. So dont doubt your happiness just realize that you are being flooded with all kinds of emotions, its normal. You just now gotta settle back down =)

[sarahadella]

Thank you for all your responses guys, It's really interesting to hear your stories.

Im going to try and keep a calm and rational mentality towards this from now on, whenever I feel the anxiety coming on I think I'll head straight for this forum haha! Im just trying to keep myself busy, hopefuly I will get back down to earth soon :)