Not making the progress i should be making

[Darkcloud]

So I've posted on here before about my severe panic disorder. I get panic attacks in public places, driving and when I'm left alone. The attacks started getting worse this past November after having my first SVT attack. I keep thinking something bad is going to happen. I'm not as bad as I was 5 months ago, but I feel like I should be making more progress. I can go to public places if I'm with someone, but I still have a lot of anxiety. I have my "safe stores" I can go into. I also have my "safe people" I feel comfortable around (my mom and my husband). I still don't drive alone, but I will drive to certain places if I'm with someone. I absolutely hate being alone. I think it's the biggest problem I have right now. I can be alone for like an hr tops at this point. A few months ago I couldn't even do like 5 minutes, so I've made some progress. I'm still have panic symptoms when I'm alone. Why is this so hard. Medication only takes the edge off, so I still have the symptoms.

Today, my sister checked into rehab for drug detox (narcotics and heroin). I went to the detox program to say goodbye to her before she went in. The whole time I kept thinking "I need to get out of here". It made me want to start crying because my sister is trying to get help and all I think of is my anxiety. Selfish huh?

Anyway, I feel like I need to be making more progress than I am. My mom is planning to go out of town next month, so I will be forced to be alone. I might just go crazy. I wonder if I need to go inpatient or something. I mean, I have made some progress over the last few months, but I'm no where I need or want to be. Any suggestions would be great.

[GeneAllen]

It sounds like you've made great progress. I would say stay on that path, you will get to that place you prefer to be. I have been where you are, and it's not fun, it's not only not fun but it's hell on earth. Guess what though? You need time away from your mom, and your mom is not at inpatient. This is your next stepping stone to get to that preferred place you speak of. Take it slow and easy, be patient with yourself, it's been a long time since I was where you are but I recall it and most of all I recall coming to terms with being alone and the tremendous confidence that goes with it, you do not need to run. You are going to do this now too. If you do run, you'll have to go face it sooner or later. It's nothing you can't do, so get on with it gently.

Peace

[Darkcloud]

Thank you for responding. I just think how functional I was this time last year, and how much different I am now. Last year, I was working full time, going to grad school, just got married, traveling, driving, etc. now, I don't do any of that. It's like something went wrong in my brain, and it literally have to relearn everything. It's so frustrating! It's like, I don't feel "right" anymore. I'm going to keep pushing myself, but it's soooo draining. How long did it take for you to get out of this setback?

[GeneAllen]

This was not a long period for me. I admit I did postpone it going longer though as I resisted it, and refused any help with meds. You are doing better than 5 months ago, and that is noteworthy, thing is you'll keep getting better, sometimes it's so subtle, sometimes it seems like you're going back, but you ARE NOT. When I was going thru this we did not have internet then, so I read a lot, I got some counselling, and had a good wife that would listen. Revealing this to you loved ones is hard, the main reason is it seems like it will break our hearts if they don't understand. Truth is it will be fine either way. We got ourselves here, we shall see our way out of it. Tell me more about yourself if you care too.
Peace

[Ritch]

Going from 5 minutes to an hour may not feel like you have improved as much as you would like, but I say this honestly that is a great improvement. It shows you are on the right track and also that you have the desire to get better which is a great thing it will drive you to where you want to be.

Anxiety/panic can make us feel so uncomfortable, yet you still put yourself in a position where you felt really uncomfortable so that you could be there to show support to your sister. Those are not the actions of a selfish person so give yourself some credit :)

[Darkcloud]

[QUOTE="GeneAllen;182556"]This was not a long period for me. I admit I did postpone it going longer though as I resisted it, and refused any help with meds. You are doing better than 5 months ago, and that is noteworthy, thing is you'll keep getting better, sometimes it's so subtle, sometimes it seems like you're going back, but you ARE NOT. When I was going thru this we did not have internet then, so I read a lot, I got some counselling, and had a good wife that would listen. Revealing this to you loved ones is hard, the main reason is it seems like it will break our hearts if they don't understand. Truth is it will be fine either way. We got ourselves here, we shall see our way out of it. Tell me more about yourself if you care too. Peace[/

My life pretty much now is depressing. I really don't look forward to much. About five years ago, I had a hunger for a better life and I had a drive to do better for myself. Somewhere along the way, I lost that drive. I finished college 5 years ago and got into my first serious relationship, I also got my first real job which was in mental health. I don't know if it was all of the changes in my life, but that's when I started getting anxiety. Since then, it's progressively gotten worse. I just don't feel like the same person anymore. I just don't understand how it is possible for a person to change so much in such a short time.

On a side note, my sister got kicked out of rehab and is now staying on my couch until we can get her somewhere else. There's just so much negativity around me right now.

[kei4814]

I get that to I tell myself it is ok to be alone relax calm down chill out nothing is gonna happen try thinking of something that makes you happy