anxiousrecovery
04-28-2014, 10:29 AM
First of all, I would like to thank everyone who is helping me out by reading this post. It means a lot me :).
I have been suffering from pretty bad anxiety and signs of derealization for about 5 months now. Here's the back story; My life has been in somewhat of a mess since I joined college. I failed most of my subjects in the first year and was not qualified to go to the second year. (I had to redo the subjects and go back a year from my friends). As I am from India, and there is so much competition its a HUGE deal to get a year back. Moreover, this has damaged my relationship with my parents and my closest friends. I slowly saw myself become a loner, an introvert (deep thoughts, over thinking etc.)
But around 5 months ago, midway through my repetition year, for the first time in my life, I got high by smoking 2 joints of weed. The next morning I did not feel the same, everything became somewhat of a 'blur' and I started to feel as if I was dreaming. But it did not severely affect my everyday life. I ignored this feeling and moved on with my life (although the effects were still present). But a few weeks later, I made a stupid mistake of smoking weed again, but this time did it for 2 nights in a row. This was on 1 Jan, 2014. Right after this dreadful experience, things got worst. The next day I experienced my first panic attack. My heart wouldnt stop beating fast, my palms would be get sweaty, my feet would started shivering. I developed a sort of fear in my heart. I feared that I was still high of the weed and that I would be high forever. As this feeling grew, my fear expanded and took over my life. In a week after the incident, I was scared of every single thing, every noise I would hear would scare me. I had a hard time remembering things as it seemed to me that I was dreaming or in a 'high' state ALL THE TIME. I could not sleep, I kept thinking and thinking about the endless possibilities of how I was completely fucked. I tried out a pysch, wasnt much of a help. I had this feeling for months at a stretch.
Around a month ago, I started experiencing change. I started thinking positively, was trying my best to let ago of stress and anxiety and have been trying to do so till this date. I just needed help from you guys to know how can I let go? How can I stop the fear of anxiety? I want to feel normal again... :/ Thanks again!
I have been suffering from pretty bad anxiety and signs of derealization for about 5 months now. Here's the back story; My life has been in somewhat of a mess since I joined college. I failed most of my subjects in the first year and was not qualified to go to the second year. (I had to redo the subjects and go back a year from my friends). As I am from India, and there is so much competition its a HUGE deal to get a year back. Moreover, this has damaged my relationship with my parents and my closest friends. I slowly saw myself become a loner, an introvert (deep thoughts, over thinking etc.)
But around 5 months ago, midway through my repetition year, for the first time in my life, I got high by smoking 2 joints of weed. The next morning I did not feel the same, everything became somewhat of a 'blur' and I started to feel as if I was dreaming. But it did not severely affect my everyday life. I ignored this feeling and moved on with my life (although the effects were still present). But a few weeks later, I made a stupid mistake of smoking weed again, but this time did it for 2 nights in a row. This was on 1 Jan, 2014. Right after this dreadful experience, things got worst. The next day I experienced my first panic attack. My heart wouldnt stop beating fast, my palms would be get sweaty, my feet would started shivering. I developed a sort of fear in my heart. I feared that I was still high of the weed and that I would be high forever. As this feeling grew, my fear expanded and took over my life. In a week after the incident, I was scared of every single thing, every noise I would hear would scare me. I had a hard time remembering things as it seemed to me that I was dreaming or in a 'high' state ALL THE TIME. I could not sleep, I kept thinking and thinking about the endless possibilities of how I was completely fucked. I tried out a pysch, wasnt much of a help. I had this feeling for months at a stretch.
Around a month ago, I started experiencing change. I started thinking positively, was trying my best to let ago of stress and anxiety and have been trying to do so till this date. I just needed help from you guys to know how can I let go? How can I stop the fear of anxiety? I want to feel normal again... :/ Thanks again!