Been a while....

[sapper84]

It's been a bit since I was last on here so just a little update. I have been battling anxiety, and a list of disorders brought on by my ptsd. Mix in death of friends, loss of a fiancé and severe and possibly fatal family heath problems and the anxiety kicked my ass. Unfortunately for soldiers it is difficult to get proper help and takes time but I finally got it. I am currently on celexa, Xanax and ambien. So far so good, though the ambien needs to be kicked up a notch but I have become the man I wanted to be. And the man my ex will be missing out on. I've been able to manage my ptsd, come to terms with my losses and have more focus so I can support my family during these dark times. The depression is still fresh but still have my dignity, self respect and inner strength to overcome insurmountable odds. I have the love of my family and of my brothers in arms. Maybe she'll realize her mistake or maybe she wont. Regardless, she knows I'm there for her always. Just as a man should be for those he loves. Faults and all. But hey, we're only human after all.

[Dahila]

Hi sapper it is good you getting some help. you know I had not seen Amber here. I do not think she even comes to read the forum

[sapper84]

Hi sapper it is good you getting some help. you know I had not seen Amber here. I do not think she even comes to read the forum

She doesnt, she has been going in a downward spiral for quite some time now. I've done my best to be there for her but she has since pushed people away and is involved in risky behavior. I'm sorry but I can't go into more details than that. Just a series of bad choices for months now

[sapper84]

And thank you :)

[Dahila]

sapper or Mike as I remember, you need to take care of yourself, now. We always make choices, sometimes stupid and dangerous ones. I hurt to see someone we love , going down. I am witnessing the same thing in my life, I can not help it. It is tough when we love, but somehow life goes on, we chose; being in it or wasting it with regrets. I understand you better than you ever imagine ....

[sapper84]

sapper or Mike as I remember, you need to take care of yourself, now. We always make choices, sometimes stupid and dangerous ones. I hurt to see someone we love , going down. I am witnessing the same thing in my life, I can not help it. It is tough when we love, but somehow life goes on, we chose; being in it or wasting it with regrets. I understand you better than you ever imagine ....

You're absolutely right. I'm continuing to focus on myself but she knows that my door is always open for her to use at any time. I'm not letting this slow down my plans for the future. There is room for her in my future but not my main focus anymore. One of the benefits of being in the military. Being able to adapt and always have alternate plans. And with my new meds, my mind has been clearer and my body doesn't react like it once did. I'm living my life for myself. My family thinks I have a "hero" complex where I try to fix the world. Which I just end up neglecting myself and find out the hard way that most people just refuse to better themselves and make every excuse to justify their actions regardless of who they hurt or how many people they have to lie to. It's a sad and lonely existence and I pity them for they will never know real happiness or self fulfillment.