giving this a try

[TheBlondRocker]

Okay as the title says I'm giving this a try. I've never seeked out anxiety forums before, I'm not much of a forums type of cat in general. I have a reason for deciding to now but first a little bit about me. First off the name says a lot. I've been dealing with anxiety for going on 7 years now. It apparently started after a heat stroke walking back from the beach. I still look back on that day and wish I said no when a the girl I was living with at the time asked if I wanted to go to the beach. I'm a former musician, former .......I'll say club DJ, and on top of dealing with anxiety disorder I'm also a recovering alcoholic/ addict. For the first 5 years I dealt with it on my own with the help a lot of self medicating.......mostly alcohol. I was what's called a garbage head but alcohol was my drug of choice. I'm only got into the addiction thing b/c I'm 100% certain it at least partially led to the anxiety. The first 6 months were by far the hardest. It started as panic attacks and I couldn't walk out the front door w/o having a panic attack unless I had been drinking. I've been clean and sober for about a year and a half now and about 2 months into sobriety I decided to see a psychiatrist. I dealt pretty well on my own but I couldn't.....I guess become a fully functioning person again. She initially put me on Xanax which I promptly become addicted to and had to be taken off it. Now she has me on Valium and I've come along way. I've been diganosed with GAD, I have a lot of triggers, heat of course being one of them and it's very hard for me to accept. I always find myself wishing I was the guy I used to be. I was a beach bum, in fact I was on the swim team and a life guard for a while. I also played baseball and tennis and I was just always very physically active and in shape despite being a drunk. . Now I'm afraid of the beach, I'm afraid of any kind of excercise b/c I literally think my hearts going to explode if I over exert myself physically. Can you imagine swimming in the ocean since you were 3 and now being afraid of the Sun and the beach?! It's not easy. Anyway, sorry this was so long and to anyone who took the time to read it I appreciate it.

[Dixxie]

Welcome BR.....sounds like you're in good company here. I don't think any of us wanted to be in our situations either. You mention that you have been around the water (ocean) since you were 3 yrs. and you now can barely be in the sun and water. Hey, I used to love travelling when I was younger....no problem with flying then....driving too. Loved driving on the highway but ever since the fall of 2006, I knew I was in "PANIC MODE." We were so lucky we got home in one piece (I was driving the car.) Talk about perspiring. Ever since then I do not drive on the highway. Even sitting in taxis makes me sweat. I always have to put down the window some.

Anyway, we are all dealing with this crap and we all want our lives back...I know I do. It comes and goes with me. When it takes over...it's like I am losing myself in a vacuum and the lights will be going off.

Now, I must be off.(chores to do)....but do stick around and hope you have a good day.