Anxiety taking over my life... Please help..

[Zac Wallace]

Hey this is my first post ever I've read a lot of forums on anxiety and decided to write my own little story.

I have what I believe is drug-induced generalised anxiety.
Long story short, I smoked marijuana for 4 years from 15 years old to 19 years old.
On my 19th birthday I was smoking as per usual with friends, I smoked everyday all day, didn't work or go to school. I got dizzy, felt weak, heart started pumping extremely hard and fast out of my chest, I had like 180bpm from memory.

Ever since that scary night, I quit cold turkey the next day both cigarettes and marijuana.

I occasionally would have a cigarette or 2 when drinking with friends, but my health anxiety would kick in and I would get instant chest pains and feel sick from the cigarette.

I also tried marijuana once sometime last year to see if it would effect me like it did last time, and as expected yes, induced a major panic attack once again.



I'm now 20, and turn 21 in October.
I went through a lot of stress near the end of 2013 and start of 2014, more than a 20 year old should.
I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years, and later found out she was having an affair with my best mate, and they both kept it from me.
I don't work, and I do a business course online from home.
I don't have social anxiety, I can talk to anyone and feel fine.

I have been to the doctors and hospital so many times to get all kinds of tests done and ask about all kinds of lumps and sensations I feel.

I have a very thin and slightly athletic build to me, I weigh 55kg and am 172cm tall.

I've had x-rays, ECG, countless blood tests, physical examinations, you name it I've had it done.
Every test comes back with "perfect" results says my doctors. My blood tests come back perfect and everything.

I don't like the fact that everything comes back perfect because it basically means it's all in my head and I'm literally mental.

The last few weeks I've had extreme dizziness, like I can't balance I need to put my hand against the wall in the shower because I Feel like I'm going to fall over.
I have been called a hypochondriac by my friends, and told I have health anxiety by doctors and friends.

My main symptoms of "anxiety" are: dizziness, tired, feel like I need to lay down, chest pain, can't breathe deep enough, heart palpations, weak legs, tight jaw, extremely fidgety and can't sit still, extremely hot on my face and neck, dry mouth and need to drink lots of water, feeling like im going to faint or have a heart attack.

I personally think I have MS ( multiple sclerosis ). - mainly due to the fatigue, dizziness, tiredness, etc etc.

My family wanted me to go shopping today into a big busy mall, But I told them I don't feel well and it will induce anxiety, they are all getting sick of hearing it. Sick of me "making excuses" and not wanting to do anything. They understand I have anxiety and are usually okay with it, but they want me to get out of my comfort zone and go places that make me feel anxious. But i'm too scared I'm going to faint, or collapse somewhere.

I have been prescribed many medications but I don't want to rely on medicine. I've been prescribed so many types of SSRI's and Beta blockers etc, they scare me and make me feel weird if not even more anxious.

I have been given Oxazepam, which is a benzodiazepine (benzo)
With my previous drug habits doctors and my family don't like me taking benzos because they're worried I will get dependant and addicted to them.
This drug relaxes you and helps you sleep, and I only take it when my anxiety is at a very high, where I can't relax and all my muscles are tense.

I recently got physio, therapeutic massages on my neck and back because I thought the tension on my shoulders and neck is causing the dizziness, I had 1 session and am going back for 4 more.


Doctors pretty much laugh at me when I think I have something wrong, they tell me I just need to go for walks and start doing something active.
I literally spend all day inside or on my computer, playing games, studying or talking to people.
When I do need to go somewhere it's always an effort or a challenge followed by intense sensations of dizziness, shaky, weakness, feel like im going to faint etc.

I don't want to feel like this, I want to have fun and work and get on with life.
But everyday I get sensations of dying, or feeling like I'm going to faint, worried i'm going to have a heart attack, constant dizziness I can't control.

Is anyone out there like me?
I feel like I need to be admitted to a hospital for a long time.

Any feedback would be so greatly appreciated, I'll be refreshing this page every 10 mins.

Thanks for reading my life story :)

[AnxiousPsychGrad]

First of all, let me offer some comfort and let you know, you are definitely not alone. I suffer daily with the same exact symptoms as you. I have debilitating health anxiety as well. I use debilitating here because it is handicapping us and will not let us go about life as we normally do. I won't tell you what my particular "death of choice" is right now because I don't want you to google and start to "get" symptoms as I have. But I can tell you that I suffer exactly as you do. I do not want to go in public for fear of collapsing or having a severe panic attack in front of many people. Family, friends, and significant others cannot fathom the struggle we face daily unless they have been through it themselves.

My advice: find a few friends who have anxiety so you can hang out with them. Being alone is not helpful.

I have been to dozens of doctors with many different specifications all of whom gave me a clean bill of health.... Except for anxiety. I feel your frustration when it comes to that, believe me. That's one of my biggest worries. "What if they missed something?" You must learn to let that fear go and trust in your doctors. There is a reason they are all certified and get paid to do what they do.

Medication: when I was your age, I had the same way of thinking. "I don't want to be dependent on medication to make me happy for the rest of my life." Here's the deal.. Anxiety is an sickness much like other illnesses. If you had diabetes, would you not take your insulin? Anxiety is not some disorder we can create on our own. There is a chemical imbalance in our brain that causes us to be this way. I have a goal of being off of medication by the time I am 30 years old (25 now). In these next five years, I am going to teach myself ways to overcome the really bad days (because they will never fully go away) and use cognitive behavior training as well.

In regards to the benzos and your addiction, as long as your doctor is aware of your previous addiction (if they are not, you need to make them aware) you should be ok. They will monitor your dosage and frequency as needed. That being said, you also need to take responsibility and realize addiction only hurts your process.

Sorry this is so long. Hope you find some relief soon. :)

feel free to message me if you have any questions or just want to chat. I've been through it all (unfortunately) and I'll help anyone going through it in anyway that i can.

[Zac Wallace]

First of all, let me offer some comfort and let you know, you are definitely not alone. I suffer daily with the same exact symptoms as you. I have debilitating health anxiety as well. I use debilitating here because it is handicapping us and will not let us go about life as we normally do. I won't tell you what my particular "death of choice" is right now because I don't want you to google and start to "get" symptoms as I have. But I can tell you that I suffer exactly as you do. I do not want to go in public for fear of collapsing or having a severe panic attack in front of many people. Family, friends, and significant others cannot fathom the struggle we face daily unless they have been through it themselves.

My advice: find a few friends who have anxiety so you can hang out with them. Being alone is not helpful.

I have been to dozens of doctors with many different specifications all of whom gave me a clean bill of health.... Except for anxiety. I feel your frustration when it comes to that, believe me. That's one of my biggest worries. "What if they missed something?" You must learn to let that fear go and trust in your doctors. There is a reason they are all certified and get paid to do what they do.

Medication: when I was your age, I had the same way of thinking. "I don't want to be dependent on medication to make me happy for the rest of my life." Here's the deal.. Anxiety is an sickness much like other illnesses. If you had diabetes, would you not take your insulin? Anxiety is not some disorder we can create on our own. There is a chemical imbalance in our brain that causes us to be this way. I have a goal of being off of medication by the time I am 30 years old (25 now). In these next five years, I am going to teach myself ways to overcome the really bad days (because they will never fully go away) and use cognitive behavior training as well.

In regards to the benzos and your addiction, as long as your doctor is aware of your previous addiction (if they are not, you need to make them aware) you should be ok. They will monitor your dosage and frequency as needed. That being said, you also need to take responsibility and realize addiction only hurts your process.

Sorry this is so long. Hope you find some relief soon. :)

feel free to message me if you have any questions or just want to chat. I've been through it all (unfortunately) and I'll help anyone going through it in anyway that i can.

Thank you so much, the longer the reply the better :).
I'm happy to know I'm not alone, and it's hard to find someone with similar problems as me.

I agree with what you said with "Family, friends, and significant others cannot fathom the struggle we face daily unless they have been through it themselves. "
I constantly say to them, I wish I could funnel these feelings into your body right now so you can see how hard this is.

Google is such a bad thing for people like us, and so many symptoms relate and entwine in one another and you could take a simple headache as a brain tumour ( I've had the CT scans because of it lol ).

And I used to get that feeling constantly " what if they missed something " kind of thing, I usually see the same GP, but he's on 5 weeks holidays so i've been seeing 3 or 4 different doctors for test results etc, and i'm starting to believe the fact that it's all a chemical imbalance in my brain and I just need to get control over it.

I know SSRI's and that help with this process, and change the chemicals in your brain, but the side effects to those medications are awful, Especially the lack of sex drive and libido along with tremors and shaking.
However Benzos just make you relaxed and a kind of "high" feeling. They do make you tired but the side effects feel good to this medicine unlike SSRI's which make me insane.

Thanks again for the reply, I will definitely message you if I feel need to :)

[AnxiousPsychGrad]

I take Klonopin (benzo) as needed as well as Lexapro. Benzos really do help a lot and almost make you feel normal again if only for a little while.

My boyfriend and I read a book about anxiety together to help us both understand it's processes and symptoms. Ask your family members to read articles or books on it (if they are willing) to better understand it all.

Hope all of this helps a little. Knowing you are not alone makes it all so much easier!!

[Zac Wallace]

I take Klonopin (benzo) as needed as well as Lexapro. Benzos really do help a lot and almost make you feel normal again if only for a little while.

My boyfriend and I read a book about anxiety together to help us both understand it's processes and symptoms. Ask your family members to read articles or books on it (if they are willing) to better understand it all.

Hope all of this helps a little. Knowing you are not alone makes it all so much easier!!

I might start taking Lexapro or a similar SSRI... depending on how my anxiety goes over the next month or so.
And I have a great book called Power over Panic by Bronwyn Fox.
My mother has read most of it and understands quite well, they just hate the fact I isolate myself at home in my room and don't try to fight my fears by going out in public more.

And it all helps :) thank you.

[Exactice]

Hey Zac, Welcome to the forums, First and foremost..... you are definitely not alone! This is the thing regardless how your anxiety or panic attack happened, we all suffer the same situation and have gone down the same road you did!

So rest assured, many of us have gone to the doctors and gotten the whole 9 yards of test! Yes, many of us have come back with a clean bill of health! Frustrating as hell when you feel like crap right?

Your family can be a huge asset, but as stated above you need to educate them with you and truly along side with you! So moving forward dont let you anxiety or panic get worked up with your families misunderstanding of your situation. Use it to motivate yourself to help educate them so they can truly support you.

Your family asking you out, is probably one of the greatest tools that you can use to combat your panic an anxieties? Our anxieties come from some fear that we have, we need to challenge them, so when your family says you should come out with them. You should try as hard as you can to fight the urge not to and go out with them. When you complete the day thats a check mark in the box that you were able to overcome one of the triggers to your anxiety.

It sounds silly but we have to challenge ourselves everyday. We need to fight to get our minds and even our hearts right again.

Its scary, it makes us feel "Uncomfortable" I use this word more because really, our symptoms are not life threatening, its our minds telling us something is seriously wrong with really, we have done those situations many of times over. Only difference now is that we are so hypersensitive to ever tick in our body we think automatically something is wrong.

Challenge yourself my friend and everyday it will get a little better!

[alfred24]

Dude! My story of anxiety and panic is almost just like yours. It was induced from a drug. Except unlike yourself, I was never a drug user. I tried a drug called spice one time. And like you, I felt the dizziness after a few minutes from smoking it. I felt like my balance was way off. Then my heart rate shot up really fast and I felt strange.

You're going to be fine! I'm completely okay now. This happened to me a year ago. I lived with anxiety and panic for 1 year and I'm doing okay now. My anxiety is at a normal setting again, I guess you could say. I think that I was able to overcome it because of all the research I did about it. I also went to the doctors plenty of times and I was always fine on the tests.

Trust me, and i can say this with guarantee for you (well for everyone with anxiety too, but for you specifically because our stories are about the same) you're completely fine. When I realized that i was traumatized from that night that the spice induced my first ever panic attack I started to get better at controlling my anxiety to the point where I don't need to control it because it's just not there.

Basically, you have that traumatic memory of the extreme fear and discomfort you felt that day which I'm sure you never would want to feel again, stuck in your mind. Consciously and subconsciously. Whenever you're presented with something that you think might make you feel that way again, you start to have symptoms from that anxiety. Then that starts to freak you out more because you're feeling symptoms and you don't know why.

Anxiety is just a reaction. Once you have that eureka moment when you realize what anxiety really is, things start to get better. I always thought I had brain damage and that I was going to die. You can imagine all the anxiety and symptoms that came upon me everytime I would believe that.

Just hang in there man. You'll be free from anxiety soon

[Zac Wallace]

Dude! My story of anxiety and panic is almost just like yours. It was induced from a drug. Except unlike yourself, I was never a drug user. I tried a drug called spice one time. And like you, I felt the dizziness after a few minutes from smoking it. I felt like my balance was way off. Then my heart rate shot up really fast and I felt strange.

You're going to be fine! I'm completely okay now. This happened to me a year ago. I lived with anxiety and panic for 1 year and I'm doing okay now. My anxiety is at a normal setting again, I guess you could say. I think that I was able to overcome it because of all the research I did about it. I also went to the doctors plenty of times and I was always fine on the tests.

Trust me, and i can say this with guarantee for you (well for everyone with anxiety too, but for you specifically because our stories are about the same) you're completely fine. When I realized that i was traumatized from that night that the spice induced my first ever panic attack I started to get better at controlling my anxiety to the point where I don't need to control it because it's just not there.

Basically, you have that traumatic memory of the extreme fear and discomfort you felt that day which I'm sure you never would want to feel again, stuck in your mind. Consciously and subconsciously. Whenever you're presented with something that you think might make you feel that way again, you start to have symptoms from that anxiety. Then that starts to freak you out more because you're feeling symptoms and you don't know why.

Anxiety is just a reaction. Once you have that eureka moment when you realize what anxiety really is, things start to get better. I always thought I had brain damage and that I was going to die. You can imagine all the anxiety and symptoms that came upon me everytime I would believe that.

Just hang in there man. You'll be free from anxiety soon

Omg, Spice is another word for fake weed right?
syntehetic weed, k2, kronic etc etc.

I also tried that stuff, and that was the first ever time I had heart palptations, I was freaking out and hated it I remember now!
But it only lasted 1 night, and I never smoked that crap again. Continued smoking weed and then on my 19th went to hospital from a panic attack.

I hope you're right dude, I always get really hot on my ears face and neck, feel dizzy like i'm gonna faint, it sucks man.

I recently met a new girl too and we've been dating nearly 2 months now she's pretty good with all of this and very thoughtful, she just feels helpless because she can't really fix my problems, but I explain to her it's not her fault and her just being with me makes me feel 100x better.

I've gone through stages in the last year where my anxiety is really good and almost not there anymore, and then I kind of relapse and it's really bad again.
Thanks for the reply man.

[Zac Wallace]

Hey Zac, Welcome to the forums, First and foremost..... you are definitely not alone! This is the thing regardless how your anxiety or panic attack happened, we all suffer the same situation and have gone down the same road you did!

So rest assured, many of us have gone to the doctors and gotten the whole 9 yards of test! Yes, many of us have come back with a clean bill of health! Frustrating as hell when you feel like crap right?

Your family can be a huge asset, but as stated above you need to educate them with you and truly along side with you! So moving forward dont let you anxiety or panic get worked up with your families misunderstanding of your situation. Use it to motivate yourself to help educate them so they can truly support you.

Your family asking you out, is probably one of the greatest tools that you can use to combat your panic an anxieties? Our anxieties come from some fear that we have, we need to challenge them, so when your family says you should come out with them. You should try as hard as you can to fight the urge not to and go out with them. When you complete the day thats a check mark in the box that you were able to overcome one of the triggers to your anxiety.

It sounds silly but we have to challenge ourselves everyday. We need to fight to get our minds and even our hearts right again.

Its scary, it makes us feel "Uncomfortable" I use this word more because really, our symptoms are not life threatening, its our minds telling us something is seriously wrong with really, we have done those situations many of times over. Only difference now is that we are so hypersensitive to ever tick in our body we think automatically something is wrong.

Challenge yourself my friend and everyday it will get a little better!

Thanks Exatice, I will try to challenge myself as the days go on. Starting with slow walks around the block and taking the dog for a walk, then gradually building up towards more busy environments. :)

[alfred24]

Omg, Spice is another word for fake weed right? syntehetic weed, k2, kronic etc etc. I also tried that stuff, and that was the first ever time I had heart palptations, I was freaking out and hated it I remember now! But it only lasted 1 night, and I never smoked that crap again. Continued smoking weed and then on my 19th went to hospital from a panic attack. I hope you're right dude, I always get really hot on my ears face and neck, feel dizzy like i'm gonna faint, it sucks man. I recently met a new girl too and we've been dating nearly 2 months now she's pretty good with all of this and very thoughtful, she just feels helpless because she can't really fix my problems, but I explain to her it's not her fault and her just being with me makes me feel 100x better. I've gone through stages in the last year where my anxiety is really good and almost not there anymore, and then I kind of relapse and it's really bad again. Thanks for the reply man.

Yea, it's synthetic weed. I'm never doing it again either. It freaked me the hell out. I felt like I was dying when I tried that stuff. I was basically so extremely freaked out from that night that it affected me for 1 whole year with anxiety and panic because the shit it did to me. I thought for sure I messed up and jacked my brain up and was slowly going to die.

When I realized that none of that was true and the panic attacks and all the symptoms were simply caused because I was always afraid that horrible feeling would happen again. It took a few months to start getting over anxiety completely. It was hard to want to do anything. Go out with friends, anything. I lost weight because I never had an appetite. I was just scared to a really extreme degree fora long time but you don't realize it. That's really what anxiety is. It's good you got a girl now. That will help. My gf would try to comfort me while I would just lay in bed explain to her what I feel.

You're gonna get better man. It's just a matter of time. There's nothing wrong. You're just extremely scared from that first day. It was a traumatic event.