AliasEQ
04-21-2014, 08:55 PM
Hey!
So, almost 5 months with this. I hate the kind of person that I am. Obsessing over everything, worrying and questioning. I want to have a quick solution, no patience. I actually think I'm the one who's creating my problems. I don't have true anxiety. Well I do, obviously, but my personality is only making it worse.
I didn't get it from nowhere. I got it from MJ. I don't know if MJ induced it or if it triggered it. But I was NOT even nearly as "anxious" as I am today. I didn't even know anything about stroke, bipolar, schizo and other sh*tty diseases. I've become introvert, I'm almost getting disconnected from the world completly. Focusing on myself too much.
This has caused alot of damage. I've spent 5 months of my life on something that isn't there. I wish I smoke that MJ, went through the panic attack and not even think about it the next day. I would be somewhere else right now. Done is done though and I can't undo it. However, spending 5 months and focusing on myself has caused alot of damage when it comes to relationship, family, school, hobbies, etc. My social life is dead atm and this is whats causing the depression I have. I litterally feel like sh*t.... but that's better than being anxious. I guess it's progress.
What I've decided to do now is to just accept that I'm going through a sh*tty period. There's no solution, only time will heal. My anxiety is gone, but its after-affects is still there.
I just wanted to summarize it all up, for my own sake. Otherwise I will go crazy, not knowing that it's just a problem and not a life-style. Sometimes I can't even see if I'm going backward or forward. Summarizing it all up can really help and I can now see I'm going forward.
Just want to get this off my chest. I've finally find a way to deal with my depression too and this is it.
Proffesor deReal aka Elias :)
So, almost 5 months with this. I hate the kind of person that I am. Obsessing over everything, worrying and questioning. I want to have a quick solution, no patience. I actually think I'm the one who's creating my problems. I don't have true anxiety. Well I do, obviously, but my personality is only making it worse.
I didn't get it from nowhere. I got it from MJ. I don't know if MJ induced it or if it triggered it. But I was NOT even nearly as "anxious" as I am today. I didn't even know anything about stroke, bipolar, schizo and other sh*tty diseases. I've become introvert, I'm almost getting disconnected from the world completly. Focusing on myself too much.
This has caused alot of damage. I've spent 5 months of my life on something that isn't there. I wish I smoke that MJ, went through the panic attack and not even think about it the next day. I would be somewhere else right now. Done is done though and I can't undo it. However, spending 5 months and focusing on myself has caused alot of damage when it comes to relationship, family, school, hobbies, etc. My social life is dead atm and this is whats causing the depression I have. I litterally feel like sh*t.... but that's better than being anxious. I guess it's progress.
What I've decided to do now is to just accept that I'm going through a sh*tty period. There's no solution, only time will heal. My anxiety is gone, but its after-affects is still there.
I just wanted to summarize it all up, for my own sake. Otherwise I will go crazy, not knowing that it's just a problem and not a life-style. Sometimes I can't even see if I'm going backward or forward. Summarizing it all up can really help and I can now see I'm going forward.
Just want to get this off my chest. I've finally find a way to deal with my depression too and this is it.
Proffesor deReal aka Elias :)