Toilet Phobia :/

[Leanne87]

I wasn't going to post this but I haven't found any information anywhere else and I figure no one knows me on here so it should be okay.

A year ago I had to have my appendix taken out and the medication they gave me to take made me horribly constipated. I passed nothing for 12 days and then had to have an enema which was the most horrific experience I have ever had. It traumatized me and I had nightmares about it for days afterwards.

Since then I have noticed that going number 2 is always on my mind. If I don't go for 3 or more days I start to panic thinking I am going to need another enema but at the same time when I do feel the urge to go I get scared and the whole time I am sat on the toilet and am fighting off a panic attack.

This is really starting to bring me down now as it's getting worse and I know it won't be doing my bowel a lot of good in the long run.

Does anyone else have this issue?

[Ritch]

I don't personally have this issue, but after your experiences I am not surprised that this phobia has developed.

May I ask are you currently taking any medication, having therapy? If not what do you do to cope with your anxiety/panic and BPD?

[Leanne87]

I currently take fluoxetine for depression and anxiety, pregabalin for anxiety and lamotrigine as a mood stabiliser. I was seeing a psychiatrist every 6 weeks but about 8 weeks ago I was discharged. For the last few sessions he had stopped seeming interested in what I was saying anymore though to be honest, I think he saw me as a lost cause as I would always argue back when he tried to challenge me on things (this was not entirely in my control though sue to my intense unstable emotions because of the bpd). I mentioned to him the fear I had about becoming constipated again but he just shrugged it off, I'd also tried to tell him that I felt my anxiety was becoming out of control again but like I said, it's like he lost interest.

So now I'm stuck and the anxiety is definitely growing again and I'm scared it is going to become completely out of control again.

5 years ago I took a computerized CBT course and took part in 6 group therapy sessions for anxiety management which really helped me get a hold on things. I'm thinking about going back to my general practitioner about doing these again but my borderline goes against me in wanting to be taken seriously by medical professionals due to the stigma attached to those who suffer from it. I don't want to seem like a hypochondriac.

I haven't been able to find anyone who has this same toilet issue and I'm at my wits end.

[Ritch]

Hi Leanne,

I am sorry you have had a negative experience with your psychiatrist, I am quite concerned that he has taken it upon himself to discharge you when your levels of anxiety are obviously increasing. When you see any healthcare professional you are entitled to challenge or question what they say, they are not god even though some of them believe they are. If he felt that he was struggling to help you he should have given you a referral to someone who is better equipped to help you, if he was unable to help you that does not mean you are a lost cause but is actually more of a reflection of his skills or lack of to treat you. I have a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder traits and I can honestly say that at times I have been a complete nightmare to treat, yet my psychiatric nurse (who is trained in CBT/Rebt etc) has persevered with me. Did he provide you with a letter outlining the reasons for discharge?

I see you are here in England, how did you access the psychiatrist was it through your local PCT, mental health team or private? I would definitely go back to your Gp and discuss your concerns. I am no doctor but maybe if you discussed your concerns with him it may and I emphasise may be possible for him to give you something to loosen your stomach if you have not been able to pass something for a couple of days. There are also natural remedies you could consider but you MUST discuss these with the doctor first.

If you go to your GP it may be worth asking if you could be placed on the waiting list to see a psychologist or ask if you could be referred to a local mental health team. Under my local mental health team it gives me access to a psychiatrist, psychologist and a psychiatric nurse who is classed as my care co-ordinator. I would definitely recommend you try to access therapy through the available avenues (unfortunately the waiting lists can be long). In my opinion the mental health team would be best, you can get therapy.....support and a psychiatrist to monitor/review your medication etc. You do have options so please don't feel like you are stuck with no options :)

Go back to your GP and raise concerns, you have a legal right to treatment. Also medical professionals are not supposed to make negative judgements about patients such as a hypochondriac (if they are using the term in a derogatory way and not as a medical term), but even if they do believe you are a hypochondriac..... health anxiety/hypochondriac is a recognised medical condition that entitles you to treatment so use it to your advantage.

I can understand the fear of not being able to go to the toilet for a few days due to previous experiences (enema etc). I am a little unsure of the panic when you do go to the toilet could you explain it a little more for me? Do you fear that you won't be able to go even though you feel like you need to?

[annakatarinas]

Do you take any laxatives?
I suffer from problems doing number 2 due to a neurological disability in my spine, hence I've done MANY enemas in my lifetime, and now I take laxatives everyday. It's not fun, but it keeps my system from completely... stop working.

[Leanne87]

Hi Ritch,

Thank you for your long reply.

He didn't give reasons for the discharge but did talk often about how Borderline was not a "mental" illness and that most people with the disorder lived normal lives in their community and were just under the care of their GP.

My story is a bit long but I've always had "issues" and throughout my teens I was treated for depression, when I was 17 I spent some time in a psychiatric hospital and when I was released I had one follow up appointment and was then discharged.
When I became pregnant with my first daughter the midwives flagged up my previous problems and I had to see my GP regularly. 18 months after she was born I gave birth to my second daughter and had a complete breakdown.
I was referred to the mental health team and saw a councillor on a weekly basis as well as a psychiatrist ever few months. After about 8 months and taking the CBT and group therapy I managed to get a hold on my issues and was discharged.
After my third daughter was born I was reffered back again and diagnosed with BPD, my meds were switched about a bit and I saw my psychiatrist once every couple of months but was not offered any therapy or other type of help.

With regard to the panic on the toilet, when I had the enema and sometimes at other times too, I have experienced quite bad tummy pain whilst going to the toilet and I think the panic is a fear of that pain coming back which is another reason why I try to avoid going.
It's long and complicated.....

[Ritch]

The key word in that sentence is most! it depends on the level of severity and how much impairment it causes. I have personality disorder traits/anxiety and have been under the care of a community mental health team for 5 years in august.

I am not going to copy a NHS link directly here about the condition because I am unsure how sensitive you are to reading symptoms etc, but what it does state is "Treatment may involve a range of individual and group psychological therapies (psychotherapy) carried out by trained professionals working with a community mental health team (CMHT). Effective treatment may last more than one year."

Surely If you are still struggling he cannot say most people function Ok and discharge you. You are clearly struggling and could possibly benefit from some therapy. You are entitled to therapy, that is the top and bottom of it. Don't take no for an answer!

I understand that the pain must have been very uncomfortable, but remember it does pass.

[Dahila]

I think that your problem is too serious to discharge you. Shame on your psdoc. Talk to your gp, you are affraid to go and this feeling can make everything worse. I believe that you know a lot about fiber intake, with all the medication you are on, it could be one of the reason that you have difficulties too. I hope this situation will change for the better:)

[Bennetsdauther]

Hi Leanne,
After reading your experience, I was reminded of my experience of toilet phobia.
When I was younger, I could not go to a specific toilet in my home after being severely ill in that room, and dealing with Emetaphobia, the fear only got worse. Every time I needed the toilet anywhere, I became very anxious, until it got to a point where I feared all toilets and I would be shaking any time I was on one. I would need someone outside of the door because I associated toilets with being ill, and the thought of someone being near me in case I was ill comforted me slightly.

Even today, I always have to have something with me to distract me when I go to the toilet e.g. my phone, magazine etc. I found that this helped sometimes. I also have my own breathing exercises that help me when I start to get too anxious.

I hope this at least helped you know that you are not alone with your toilet phobia. Even though our stories are different, we both associate toilets with bad experience. If you do find anything that helps ease your fear I would be interested to hear.
I hope you find some ease for yourself soon.