When the mind and the heart does two different things

[annakatarinas]

So, does anyone else have this issue where you feel like e.g. your friends talk behind your back, your partner doesn't like you, you're annoying etc, but you know it's not true, and this conflict between the intellect and the emotion really fucks shit up even more?

[Ritch]

That's a part of being human, knowing that rationalizing and making decisions should be made by logic not emotion, yet we let emotions/feelings drive us.

it is common to experience those feelings. You worry about those things, you then reassure yourself that you KNOW it is not true but yet you still experience the symptoms that accompany the irrational worry.

I have had similar thoughts in the past

Lets talk hypothetically, If your friends were negatively talking behind your back the obvious thought would be..... they don't like me......then they will fallout with me....... I will have no friends

If your partner didn't like you..... he would split up with you and then you wouldn't be in a relationship.

Both of the above statements and irrational thoughts lead to the same conclusion in your mind....... you being alone and from what I have read of your posts you do fear abandonment. I think the thoughts are also linked to a little bit of low self esteem and confidence, you have said previously that you sometimes feel that you have to "impress people" and seek reassurance your friends will not leave you". I promise you when I say I used to do the exact same things for the same reasons. It got to the point where it was becoming so obtrusive that I couldn't have a social life. My romantic relationship came to an end partly because of these reasons and also because of some of her faults as well.

After the relationship I unraveled mentally and hit as close to rock bottom as I could without killing myself. If I had succeeded in hurting myself it wouldn't have been because of losing her. Before the relationship I had been very low for several years..... When I got into the relationship I felt untouchable, I was happy..... not very anxious and on top of the world. But in a way I only felt this way because of her and when it ended I couldn't face going to back to feeling how I used to. Months down the line when I came out of the darkness I analysed everything and came to these conclusions.

If I want to have a good social life that does not cause me debilitating anxiety, I cannot become dependent on others for my happiness. I wanted to become comfortable in my own skin, be positive about who I am then that way if a relationship goes wrong or doesn't work out I can still function whilst I am "alone". I also had to make peace with the fact that at sometime In my life I will be alone, the harsh reality I had to accept is that I entered this world alone and I will leave it alone..... No matter how much I worry or panic about it. Now I am comfortable with my social relationships, if I break up with someone or lose a friend I can still function.

The point I am trying to make is that sometimes we find ourselves in situations that we fear, but if we learn to embrace/accept them.... the fear goes away.

I appreciate I have gone off on somewhat of tangent and that my perceptions of your struggles may not be accurate as I am not a trained professional, But I do have a vast amount of personal experience that you cannot learn out of a textbook or a lecture :)

[jessed03]

Hey again Anna.

Ritch, you are writing some quality stuff lately. Great to have you around.

[needtogetwell]

Ritch,

You made a key statement. " can not be dependent on others for your own happiness".

That my friend is such a powerful statement , and a life lesson which many many people fail to learn.

I applaud your insight. Until we truly understand and believe this to be true, we can not truly be happy with others.

That was a life lesson I learned through the beginning stages of my 25+ year battle with anxiety and depression. It was at that point that I started to make good progress out of that hell.

Thanks for bringing it up.
Pam

[needtogetwell]

Btw Ritch,

I did try to respond to to your Pm but your mailbox is full.

P.

[Ritch]

I do apologise pam, I have emptied it now :)

[Exactice]

Hey Anna, Yes yes, we as humans battle with this all the time! The interesting part is that we are looking for acceptance from others. We are looking for validation of some sort that sometimes does come. Then our thoughts race and question if these people like us or not!

Ritch made a great statement that Pam pointed out. We cant look to others for our on happiness, we need to first start inside then move outwards. If you are looking for those positive vibes surround yourself with those that can give that to you, like "HERE!" this is an excellent place to start!

Good luck and dont worry to much about others, there are people out there that care about you!