Am I overreacting?

[Riley20]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure I've overreacted to a situation or whether I was right to feel how I do - anxiety does funny things doesn't it! So was just hoping to get a few thoughts

I've been friends with someone for around 5 years now and we've never really had any problems. However, the last few weeks my friend has cancelled our plans together a couple of times, not contacted me for hours about plans we were supposed to have so I find myself just sitting at home and waiting and they have also forgotten about plans that they had made with me. When it happens I just feel very disappointed and let down and unfortunately it makes me doubt our friendship and I question how important I am in this persons life despite them reassuring me of their significance.

I tried to speak to my friend about this and how they were making me feel and they got very annoyed and didn't understand why it was their fault. In the end I felt very bad and ended up apologising for saying anything at all. They know about my anxiety and how bad it is but it doesn't seem to matter in the great scheme of things. I was very upset after the conversation as my friend didn't seem to understand at all as when they cancelled plans only a few hours after they made them they didn't do anything instead so consider it ok. But for me it's that we made them and they were cancelled only a few hours later. However, now I'm not upset and I'm a little frustrated as it seemed to be made all about my friend, at one point it was said maybe they just couldn't be bothered and wanted a day to do nothing and said how rubbish I'd made them feel as a result of me saying anything.

Should I have said something? What should I do now? Have I overreacted?

Sorry for all of the questions, I'm just very confused.

[annakatarinas]

No, you haven't overreacted - feelings are always eligible, I'd say. So are our actions, in one way or another. This person doesn't seem to be very nice to you at the moment. If I were you, I'd pretend like nothing happened for some time and then try to bring it up again. If they don't get the hint then, well maybe you have to reevaluate this friendship. Does these cancelled meetings and overall behavior cause you psychological pain, if I may ask?

[Riley20]

No, you haven't overreacted - feelings are always eligible, I'd say. So are our actions, in one way or another. This person doesn't seem to be very nice to you at the moment. If I were you, I'd pretend like nothing happened for some time and then try to bring it up again. If they don't get the hint then, well maybe you have to reevaluate this friendship. Does these cancelled meetings and overall behavior cause you psychological pain, if I may ask?

Thank you for replying,

Yes it does, I feel let down/hurt/disappointed etc. My friend claimed that I never tried to initiate an outing with them first etc but I guess it's because I'm just worried that I'll be let down again or because of how insignificant I feel then they won't really want to - hence leaving it to them but they seem to find far better things to do than the plans we have

[olivia4514]

is that friend a very good friend of yours?

[Riley20]

is that friend a very good friend of yours?

Yes, very good

[annakatarinas]

Then I would say they are overstepping boundaries - friends, especially good ones, should always respect these.

[olivia4514]

Well, if they're really a good friend then I think they should at least hear you out. That's a friend's duty. They shouldn't be letting you down when you tell them your feelings and such especcially when they know about your anxiety. So I would maybe try to talk to him/her again about it.

[olivia4514]

and I don't think you're overreaction, most people would react like this if their friends treated them like that :)

[olivia4514]

*overreacting . Sorry :D

[Riley20]

and I don't think you're overreaction, most people would react like this if their friends treated them like that :)

Thank you to both of you for your replies,

I just wasn't sure if I was overreacting because I'll be seeing things differently because I've felt quite low lately. It's good to know others would feel the same way so thank you. I think I'm going to leave it for a while and just see what happens, if nothing really improves then I'll try to bring it up again

[annakatarinas]

Especially if you've been low lately, your friend should keep that in mind and not treat you so poorly.

[OmfgJaney]

You didn't overreact. It seems like your friends don't have manners nor do they treat you like a true friend. If it were me, I'd probably stop trying with those people. Find someone who appreciates your company.