dealing with thoughts of being a failure

[gothicteddybear]

So ive been suffering with depression on and off for years however it was around 5 months ago I started suffering with anxiety. Panic attacks and general anxiety is taking over my life. I feel like a completely different person. I still do things because I know it helps to get out so I go to the gym I see friends I really try. The thing is I cant deal with how much ive changed, I cant look in the mirror anymore. I hate the way I think and always constantly thinking im weird or im thinking weird things as I suffer with dissociation and intrusive thoughts. I hate how I wasn't like this a couple of months ago, how the smallest of day trips is like a massive thing. Im so fed up. Im on medication propranolol and citalopram bit have to wait another month or so for therapy. Ive not had a panic attack in 3 weeks but it hasnt stopped the weird thoughts and feelings of anxiety. I cant deal with these feelings any longer. Ive completely had enough. Ive had to have time off work sick I had a note for two weeks but went back yesterday and I have another four weeks. I feel like a complete failure, I also have a 5 year old daughter and I feel like such a crappy mum right now. I wish I could feel positive, any advice would be appreciated. Thanks, liz.

[needtogetwell]

Hey Liz,

Sorry you're having a tough time. Many many of us have been where you are...and come out the other side.

If you don't already, try to break down your day into segments. Acknowledge the crappy stuff and celebrate the good. We all have something good in the day that made you smile, happy or laugh, even on those days that are a complete disaster and one struggle after another.

You may surprise yourself. Sometimes the smallest shift in thinking can provide relief.

Good luck!
Pam

[Riley20]

Hi Liz,

It's awful when you hit a bump in the road and can't seem to get over it, we've all been there where being positive seems to be the hardest thing.

Try to make a list of what good qualities you have despite the flaws you currently believe you have, for example you might not be socialising with your friends as much as you or they would like but if you would always be a loyal friend despite that, then that is a great quality. Sometimes just pointing out what qualities you have despite the anxiety and how to work around it, it could make you see things in a different light, like Pam said - sometimes the smallest shift in thinking can help and even if something helps a small amount it'll be better than before.

Don't worry about feeling weird - I've recently learnt that the best people are weird :).

On being a crappy mum - you love your daughter a lot and that's clear just because you worry about being rubbish for her. Try to do things in the day inside with her so working on making something with her and hopefully you'll feel a lot more positive, you don't always have to be on days out and avoiding anxiety for both of you to have a nice time.

I hope you manage to find some much needed relief from it all. Don't feel like a failure - just going back to work for you would have been a big step after two weeks off, the fact that you went back is an achievement in itself.